Friday, March 31, 2006
16 is SO Sweet!
Even though I continue to see improvement in strength & color, Amy’s been experiencing some sharp pain in her stomach. This isn’t happening continuously, but periodically and when it does, Amy has to do ‘Lamaze’ type breathing to get past it. Please continue to pray for God to show his glory in a miraculous way by healing Amy.
Sixteen years ago today, after 17 hours of labor, at 5:35 in the afternoon, Amy gave birth to a 6 lb 14 oz baby girl, we named her Brittany (meaning - strong, industrious, the helpful one). Amy and I had waited 4 years after we were married to start our family, but we were still young, naïve & dirt poor. Brittany was such a good baby, the very first night at home, she slept through the night until about 5:30 am when both Amy & I sat straight up in bed and said to each other ‘The Baby!’ and rushed into her room because we hadn’t heard a peep out of her, just to find her peacefully sleeping. Whew! What a relief! I am sure that every new parent looks for milestones in their child’s educational and physical development and I must have been the worst! At every turn, I’d ask Amy, ‘Hey! Should she be doing that at her age?’ I will say that I was truly amazed when one cold day when Brittany was 6 months old, I took her outside and the wind blew just hard enough to catch her little breath and when she breathed out she whistled! And I thought ‘See! I knew she was advanced!’ As Brittany continued to grow, so did her love of books and reading. My job at the time had me working mostly at night, so I spent my days reading, playing with play-dough and watching children’s shows like Sesame Street & Reading Rainbow (or as Brittany used to say ‘Bo Bo’). Brittany has always been our sensitive child and although at times she tries to hide her pain and tears & I want her to know that she always has a shoulder to cry on in me.
There are SO many stories we could relate about Brittany growing up; like the time when she was 5 and slipped on the embankment behind our apartment and landed smack in the middle of a mud-puddle and had mud from her face down to her shoes, but the point is this: Brittany, we LOVE you SO much and are SO proud of you. This is YOUR day and we celebrate & praise God for the precious gift he gave us in you. Please know that through life’s disappointments, pain & disagreements, we have and always will LOVE you. Thank you for being our daughter.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Sixteen years ago today, after 17 hours of labor, at 5:35 in the afternoon, Amy gave birth to a 6 lb 14 oz baby girl, we named her Brittany (meaning - strong, industrious, the helpful one). Amy and I had waited 4 years after we were married to start our family, but we were still young, naïve & dirt poor. Brittany was such a good baby, the very first night at home, she slept through the night until about 5:30 am when both Amy & I sat straight up in bed and said to each other ‘The Baby!’ and rushed into her room because we hadn’t heard a peep out of her, just to find her peacefully sleeping. Whew! What a relief! I am sure that every new parent looks for milestones in their child’s educational and physical development and I must have been the worst! At every turn, I’d ask Amy, ‘Hey! Should she be doing that at her age?’ I will say that I was truly amazed when one cold day when Brittany was 6 months old, I took her outside and the wind blew just hard enough to catch her little breath and when she breathed out she whistled! And I thought ‘See! I knew she was advanced!’ As Brittany continued to grow, so did her love of books and reading. My job at the time had me working mostly at night, so I spent my days reading, playing with play-dough and watching children’s shows like Sesame Street & Reading Rainbow (or as Brittany used to say ‘Bo Bo’). Brittany has always been our sensitive child and although at times she tries to hide her pain and tears & I want her to know that she always has a shoulder to cry on in me.
There are SO many stories we could relate about Brittany growing up; like the time when she was 5 and slipped on the embankment behind our apartment and landed smack in the middle of a mud-puddle and had mud from her face down to her shoes, but the point is this: Brittany, we LOVE you SO much and are SO proud of you. This is YOUR day and we celebrate & praise God for the precious gift he gave us in you. Please know that through life’s disappointments, pain & disagreements, we have and always will LOVE you. Thank you for being our daughter.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Of Cows & Donuts
We are definitely on the right track now. Amy has had a few bouts of queasiness, but has been able to keep her meals down and she’s eating better as a result. She has slowly but surely been getting her strength back but her endurance is still somewhat lacking. All in all I’d say that Amy has had a really good 2 1/2 days.
A while back, I shared with you the story of how Amy and I met (see Fri March 10th posting), but how many of you know that it was Amy who asked me out on our first date? It was a few days after we had first met, we (our friends & us) were sitting around a large table in the student union talking and playing cards. Although neither Amy or I had said as much to each other, we knew we liked each other. As I sat there chatting away, I noticed Amy writing on a small piece of paper and even though she tried to conceal what she was writing, I did see what she wrote down: ‘Do you want to go to the Cattle Congress with me?’ Now, the National Dairy Cattle Congress is a exposition where Manufacturers, Breeders & Dairymen from all over the nation bring their products or livestock for competition and exhibit. It is very much like a state fair. So, knowing what she wrote, I just kept carrying on my conversation in spite of her trying to draw my attention to her lap where the piece of paper was now in full view on her book for me to see. This must have gone on for at least 7 min. with her either clearing her throat or nudging me. I blissfully ignored these signals and just carried on as if nothing occurred. I finally gave up my cat & mouse game when she bravely slid the piece of paper under my elbow. Needless to say, I accepted and I remember that evening like it was yesterday. We walked hand in hand down the midway, I can still hear the vendors trying to hawk us into playing their carnival games. I remember riding the Ferris Wheel and kissing her when the operator stop the ride with us at the very top. We walked through the livestock barns and Amy commented on how the cows stank and I remember us sharing a bag of freshly made Tom Thumb donuts. It wasn’t an expensive date and by no means was it the fanciest that we’ve ever been on, but it was our first date and one that I will always cherish.
Song of Solomon 1:15 - How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
A while back, I shared with you the story of how Amy and I met (see Fri March 10th posting), but how many of you know that it was Amy who asked me out on our first date? It was a few days after we had first met, we (our friends & us) were sitting around a large table in the student union talking and playing cards. Although neither Amy or I had said as much to each other, we knew we liked each other. As I sat there chatting away, I noticed Amy writing on a small piece of paper and even though she tried to conceal what she was writing, I did see what she wrote down: ‘Do you want to go to the Cattle Congress with me?’ Now, the National Dairy Cattle Congress is a exposition where Manufacturers, Breeders & Dairymen from all over the nation bring their products or livestock for competition and exhibit. It is very much like a state fair. So, knowing what she wrote, I just kept carrying on my conversation in spite of her trying to draw my attention to her lap where the piece of paper was now in full view on her book for me to see. This must have gone on for at least 7 min. with her either clearing her throat or nudging me. I blissfully ignored these signals and just carried on as if nothing occurred. I finally gave up my cat & mouse game when she bravely slid the piece of paper under my elbow. Needless to say, I accepted and I remember that evening like it was yesterday. We walked hand in hand down the midway, I can still hear the vendors trying to hawk us into playing their carnival games. I remember riding the Ferris Wheel and kissing her when the operator stop the ride with us at the very top. We walked through the livestock barns and Amy commented on how the cows stank and I remember us sharing a bag of freshly made Tom Thumb donuts. It wasn’t an expensive date and by no means was it the fanciest that we’ve ever been on, but it was our first date and one that I will always cherish.
Song of Solomon 1:15 - How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
The Chemo Paradox & A Slingshot
This “port’ that Amy had installed yesterday seems to be doing the trick. She ate quite well last night (Amy’s mother is visiting and she made Chicken & Peppers) and although still tires easily, seems to be getting her energy back. With this port, she will be receiving Chemo medications (5FU) 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and she’s sporting a new ‘fanny pack’ around her waist that holds the pump and medication. The really strange part of this is that along with this pump and medication, we were given a HAZMAT kit and told in the unlikely event that the chemo medication should spill out, we are to call them immediately and they would instruct us on the proper use of the clean up kit. Strange that something that is meant as a curative could be construed as so hazardous as to require special instructions and a kit to clean it up…a true paradox!
Someone emailed the following to Amy and I today and I feel compelled to share it.
There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm.
He was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods.
He practiced in the woods, but he could never hit the target.
Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner.
As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck.
Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly,
hit the duck square in the head, and killed it.
He was shocked and grieved.
In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile,
only to see his sister watching!
Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.
After lunch the next day Grandma said,
"Sally, let's wash the dishes."
But Sally said, "Grandma, Johnny told me
he wanted to help in the kitchen."
Then she whispered to him, "Remember the duck?"
So Johnny did the dishes.
Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children
wanted to go fishing and Grandma said,
"I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper."
Sally just smiled and said, "Well that's all right
because Johnny told me he wanted to help."
She whispered again, "Remember the duck?"
So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.
After several days of Johnny doing
both his chores and Sally's ...
he finally couldn't stand it any longer.
He came to Grandma and
confessed that he had killed the duck.
Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug, and said,
"Sweetheart, I know. You see,
I was standing at the window
and I saw the whole thing,
but because I love you, I forgave you.
I was just wondering how long you would let
Sally make a slave of you."
Whatever is in our past, whatever we have done (lying, cheating, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.), the devil loves to keep throwing it in our faces. In an effort to lead us off the correct path, he tries to tell us that we’re the same person, that nothing has changed and that God’s grace certainly can’t cover the things that we have or continue to do. He does this to steal our joy and to make us ineffective. We all need to realize that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing... God is ALWAYS standing at the window and He sees every moment of each of our whole lives. And despite what he sees, He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven. He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you. As long as we keep our eyes and thoughts on the things we have done, we can not look to and think on the things He wants us to. The great thing about God is that when you ask for forgiveness, He not only forgives you, but He forgets... It is by God's grace and mercy that we are saved (Eph 2:8).
What are you allowing yourself to be a slave to?
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Someone emailed the following to Amy and I today and I feel compelled to share it.
There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm.
He was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods.
He practiced in the woods, but he could never hit the target.
Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner.
As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck.
Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly,
hit the duck square in the head, and killed it.
He was shocked and grieved.
In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile,
only to see his sister watching!
Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.
After lunch the next day Grandma said,
"Sally, let's wash the dishes."
But Sally said, "Grandma, Johnny told me
he wanted to help in the kitchen."
Then she whispered to him, "Remember the duck?"
So Johnny did the dishes.
Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children
wanted to go fishing and Grandma said,
"I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper."
Sally just smiled and said, "Well that's all right
because Johnny told me he wanted to help."
She whispered again, "Remember the duck?"
So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.
After several days of Johnny doing
both his chores and Sally's ...
he finally couldn't stand it any longer.
He came to Grandma and
confessed that he had killed the duck.
Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug, and said,
"Sweetheart, I know. You see,
I was standing at the window
and I saw the whole thing,
but because I love you, I forgave you.
I was just wondering how long you would let
Sally make a slave of you."
Whatever is in our past, whatever we have done (lying, cheating, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.), the devil loves to keep throwing it in our faces. In an effort to lead us off the correct path, he tries to tell us that we’re the same person, that nothing has changed and that God’s grace certainly can’t cover the things that we have or continue to do. He does this to steal our joy and to make us ineffective. We all need to realize that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing... God is ALWAYS standing at the window and He sees every moment of each of our whole lives. And despite what he sees, He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven. He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you. As long as we keep our eyes and thoughts on the things we have done, we can not look to and think on the things He wants us to. The great thing about God is that when you ask for forgiveness, He not only forgives you, but He forgets... It is by God's grace and mercy that we are saved (Eph 2:8).
What are you allowing yourself to be a slave to?
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
A letter from me, who this is about
We have had many of you, family & friends, ask if Amy would ever take a turn writing to this and each time I would ask her she would say: 'Not yet I'm not ready.' Today, she was ready. The following was written by her, her thoughts, her story thorough her own eyes...
Well the day started as any other day at 5:15 a.m. very groggily of course. As you all know I get up everyday at that time for my morning ritual of running for 1/2 an hour, 100 sit-ups, and 100 push ups. I know you are all impressed at my dedication! Ok all kidding aside we had to be down in Madison at 7:30 a.m. for the installation of a port to receive my chemotherapy through a vein. They got me all set up to go and let me tell you there was quite the set up scrubbing me with iodine (I think I am more yellow now than when I had the jaundice), draping my face (they gave me an air tube) made sure the clear plastic side was showing so I could see the nurse and talk to her. Getting the shots to numb me hurt the worst but now of course I am feeling bruised.
From the procedure I went to recovery where I did eat a little lunch about a 1/4 of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (my choice), some pudding, a banana, and a little apple juice. I lay on the bed happily chatting to Vince more than I have in a long time. Unfortunately they had a difficult time getting my tube to back flush and had to replace the needle portion just another delay in getting something done. From there I went to radiology where I found out my machine was broke (Did you know I owned one down there?). So I went to a different room where I got that done and then had to wait and talk to one of my doctors and we finally left the UW at 2:00. We finally got home at 2:50 just enough time to drop me off and Vince leave again to get Vinny and Hope from school. I took a nap and had a relaxing afternoon.
I know many of you have been waiting for me to write the blog, personally I think Vince does a much better job. Now you've heard my story through my own eyes. The verse I have been really holding on to lately is, Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the plans I have for you declares, the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for hope and a future.'
Lastly, I want to say thank you thank you thank you for your prayers. Please continue to keep me in your prayers. I love you all!!
This is my story as experienced and told by me - A
Well the day started as any other day at 5:15 a.m. very groggily of course. As you all know I get up everyday at that time for my morning ritual of running for 1/2 an hour, 100 sit-ups, and 100 push ups. I know you are all impressed at my dedication! Ok all kidding aside we had to be down in Madison at 7:30 a.m. for the installation of a port to receive my chemotherapy through a vein. They got me all set up to go and let me tell you there was quite the set up scrubbing me with iodine (I think I am more yellow now than when I had the jaundice), draping my face (they gave me an air tube) made sure the clear plastic side was showing so I could see the nurse and talk to her. Getting the shots to numb me hurt the worst but now of course I am feeling bruised.
From the procedure I went to recovery where I did eat a little lunch about a 1/4 of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (my choice), some pudding, a banana, and a little apple juice. I lay on the bed happily chatting to Vince more than I have in a long time. Unfortunately they had a difficult time getting my tube to back flush and had to replace the needle portion just another delay in getting something done. From there I went to radiology where I found out my machine was broke (Did you know I owned one down there?). So I went to a different room where I got that done and then had to wait and talk to one of my doctors and we finally left the UW at 2:00. We finally got home at 2:50 just enough time to drop me off and Vince leave again to get Vinny and Hope from school. I took a nap and had a relaxing afternoon.
I know many of you have been waiting for me to write the blog, personally I think Vince does a much better job. Now you've heard my story through my own eyes. The verse I have been really holding on to lately is, Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the plans I have for you declares, the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for hope and a future.'
Lastly, I want to say thank you thank you thank you for your prayers. Please continue to keep me in your prayers. I love you all!!
This is my story as experienced and told by me - A
Monday, March 27, 2006
West and Wewaxation
I can vividly remember as a young boy, watching a very early Warner’s Brothers cartoon of Bugs Bunny where Elmer Fudd decided to go camping to get some much needed ‘West & Wewaxation’. This particular cartoon was so early in fact that the artist’s didn’t even have Elmer drawn as a hunter, he was drawn wearing a suit coat & tie, like he had just come from the office. Elmer was leaving the city, presumably for the weekend, to reconnect with nature, to get away from the rat-race of his weekly life and to get that desired R & R (or in his case, W & W). Little did Elmer know that when he set up his camp, he set it up right by a rabbit hole and not just any rabbit hole, but the rabbit hole of our antagonist, Bugs Bunny! Needless to say, Elmer didn’t get his West and Wewaxation. In fact, if I remember correctly, Elmer went speeding home as fast as he could, like someone had lit the tail of his shirt on fire.
Just like Elmer I think we all, at one time or another, live our busy little lives running from one seemingly important task to another. Whether it’s working late, civic organizational duties or even running our children from one event to another, if we place our value just in these activities, we will tend to live a life of unrest. Unrest is one of the characteristics of the world we live in. We are in a hurry but we don't know where we really need to go. There is failure, disappointment and neglect staring us in the face. But we cannot seem to admit there is rest only in Christ: rest of conscience; rest of hope; rest and comfort and peace. Matthew 11:28 says; Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest.
Well, today starts her second week of treatments, pray that she’s able to eat and keep her food down. She so desperately just wants to feel good. Amy and I enjoyed a weekend of rest and relaxation. A respite from a rough first week of radiation & chemo treatments. Amy was able to keep what she ate down, but she approached each mealtime with caution and trepidation and never ate a full meal. Her new best friends are Oranges; it seems she can’t get enough of them and seeing that she’s finally found something that she likes & will keep down, I have encouraged this. Saturday we just sort of lounged and watched the Baraboo Chamber Auction. We bid on a few items, won some, lost some. There was one item in particular that Amy wanted: a one night stay at the Inn at Wawanissee Point. This inn is near the top of the bluff on Tower Rd. and offers a 36 mile view from its upper most point. We won the bid and have already scheduled our stay for the Sunday before our 20th anniversary (July 30th). Amy is SO excited about it that she can barely contain herself.
I just hope we have better luck then Elmer!
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Just like Elmer I think we all, at one time or another, live our busy little lives running from one seemingly important task to another. Whether it’s working late, civic organizational duties or even running our children from one event to another, if we place our value just in these activities, we will tend to live a life of unrest. Unrest is one of the characteristics of the world we live in. We are in a hurry but we don't know where we really need to go. There is failure, disappointment and neglect staring us in the face. But we cannot seem to admit there is rest only in Christ: rest of conscience; rest of hope; rest and comfort and peace. Matthew 11:28 says; Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest.
Well, today starts her second week of treatments, pray that she’s able to eat and keep her food down. She so desperately just wants to feel good. Amy and I enjoyed a weekend of rest and relaxation. A respite from a rough first week of radiation & chemo treatments. Amy was able to keep what she ate down, but she approached each mealtime with caution and trepidation and never ate a full meal. Her new best friends are Oranges; it seems she can’t get enough of them and seeing that she’s finally found something that she likes & will keep down, I have encouraged this. Saturday we just sort of lounged and watched the Baraboo Chamber Auction. We bid on a few items, won some, lost some. There was one item in particular that Amy wanted: a one night stay at the Inn at Wawanissee Point. This inn is near the top of the bluff on Tower Rd. and offers a 36 mile view from its upper most point. We won the bid and have already scheduled our stay for the Sunday before our 20th anniversary (July 30th). Amy is SO excited about it that she can barely contain herself.
I just hope we have better luck then Elmer!
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Keeping the profile low..
Just a short note today as I am very tired and am not feeling 100%. Amy is glad to have a couple days off from the treatments. She has found a few items (oranges & mashed potato's for example) that she can keep down. We went to the store and bought some gaterade type drinks. It is a challenge to find foods that she will want to eat as well as will keep down. Other then that, we are keeping a really low profile today and resting (when the kids will allow!).
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Friday, March 24, 2006
I WILL praise His name
Amy is now on the 2nd day of Chemo and the 5th day of radiation. It’s been rough going as she has trouble keeping anything down even water and this is even further complicated by the fact that she can’t ever tell me what she’s hungry for. We’ve got to figure out what will work for her because she needs to keep her strength up and not get dehydrated. Well, she’ll have a two day reprieve as she doesn’t have her treatments on the weekends. Hopefully she’ll be able to keep things down, stay hydrated and absorb some good nutritional meals.
Last night I took Brittany & Trevor to Madison to see the Casting Crowns, Nicole Nordeman concert. We had a really good time and it was nice to see the kids laugh and joke with each other and especially nice to watch Trevor enjoy his first concert experience. Casting Crowns is a Christian worship/rock band in which the members are made up of youth pastors & worship leaders. One of the songs they sang was titled: Praise You in This Storm, the following are the lyrics from this song and I’d like to share them with you.
I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen"
and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
Who gives and takes away
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
Who gives and takes away
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
Dear Lord, this is tough! This is SO exceedingly hard! I trust you and I pour my heart out to you! I come to you Lord and I lay my troubles and cares at your feet. You are our light that illuminates the dark path on which we are currently walking and in the face of these trials, I WILL praise your name. In the midst of the whys and the heartache, I WILL praise your name. Through the tears, I WILL praise your name.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Last night I took Brittany & Trevor to Madison to see the Casting Crowns, Nicole Nordeman concert. We had a really good time and it was nice to see the kids laugh and joke with each other and especially nice to watch Trevor enjoy his first concert experience. Casting Crowns is a Christian worship/rock band in which the members are made up of youth pastors & worship leaders. One of the songs they sang was titled: Praise You in This Storm, the following are the lyrics from this song and I’d like to share them with you.
I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen"
and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
Who gives and takes away
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
Who gives and takes away
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
Dear Lord, this is tough! This is SO exceedingly hard! I trust you and I pour my heart out to you! I come to you Lord and I lay my troubles and cares at your feet. You are our light that illuminates the dark path on which we are currently walking and in the face of these trials, I WILL praise your name. In the midst of the whys and the heartache, I WILL praise your name. Through the tears, I WILL praise your name.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Am I Normal?
Yesterday I told you about Amy having some weird reactions either from the treatments or one of the drugs she was taking. Well, this reaction happened again yesterday. She couldn’t control her mouth or jaw, she couldn’t talk very clearly, her tongue wriggled uncontrollably and she became very anxious. So, I call her doctor and we come to find out that this is being caused by her anti-nausea medication Compazine. Among other possible side effects, these are listed: Fine worm-like tongue movements, Rhythmic face, mouth, or jaw movements, Slow or difficult speech, Restlessness and pacing. And those were the ones that presented in Amy. They told her to take two benadryl, to lay down and to stop taking the Compazine. Once she got back up, the side effects were gone for the most part. Weird & scary, but now we know.
I don’t know if I’m normal, but when faced with an uncertain situation, I tend to gather as many facts, opinions and general knowledge about it as I can. I think this comes from a deep seeded need to solve a puzzle or fix what’s broken. I don’t want to have the ‘wool’ pulled over my eyes or have the truth sugarcoated in anyway. So, knowing that, I have researched: Intraductal Papillary Mucinous Tumors, Pancreatic Enzyme Function, Gastrointestinal Anatomy, Intraductal Papillary Neoplasm’s, Endoscopic Retrograde Cholangiopancreatography with endobiliary stent placements, Whipple Surgical Procedures, Vascular Anatomy as it pertains to the Pancreas and surrounding tissues, Pancreas Adenocarcinoma and basically anything that relates to Amy’s condition. I have also thoroughly researched cancer statistics, new drug trials and yes, herbal supplements (I just can’t bring myself to buy something that isn’t regulated and very well could be made from dried grass clippings sold for $150 a bottle!). It’s not my intent to try and catch a doctor in a half-truth or catching them trying to keep something from us, but I do want to be able to enter into a discourse about Amy’s care intelligently and not just agree with everything the doctor proposes. In essence, I am going to take an active role in Amy’s health care and therefore, I had better know what the doctors are talking about as well as the treatment options that are available. However, In my pursuit for this knowledge, I have subjected myself to the medical fields ‘reality’ on the subject. If it weren’t for my faith in Him who comforts our fears and who heals our hurts, I do not know how Amy and I could go through this. And knowing this is the reason why I included the verse about ‘momentary troubles’ that is listed at the top of this blog. You see, Amy & I truly are looking through that which is seen (medical statistics, etc) to that which is unseen (God’s mercy, grace and love)
As of today, Amy’s Bilirubin levels have fallen to 4.1 and that means that she will start Chemo today. They have also replaced her Compazine with a new anti-nausea medication called Anzemet. 60 100mg tablets costs $2059.89 or $34.33 per pill. My insurance coverage has a 20% co-pay and they are discussing options with the UW even as I’m writing this. Please pray about this, but mostly pray that Amy doesn’t get too sick from the chemo and that the treatments are effective in reducing the tumor.
John 16:24 - Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
I don’t know if I’m normal, but when faced with an uncertain situation, I tend to gather as many facts, opinions and general knowledge about it as I can. I think this comes from a deep seeded need to solve a puzzle or fix what’s broken. I don’t want to have the ‘wool’ pulled over my eyes or have the truth sugarcoated in anyway. So, knowing that, I have researched: Intraductal Papillary Mucinous Tumors, Pancreatic Enzyme Function, Gastrointestinal Anatomy, Intraductal Papillary Neoplasm’s, Endoscopic Retrograde Cholangiopancreatography with endobiliary stent placements, Whipple Surgical Procedures, Vascular Anatomy as it pertains to the Pancreas and surrounding tissues, Pancreas Adenocarcinoma and basically anything that relates to Amy’s condition. I have also thoroughly researched cancer statistics, new drug trials and yes, herbal supplements (I just can’t bring myself to buy something that isn’t regulated and very well could be made from dried grass clippings sold for $150 a bottle!). It’s not my intent to try and catch a doctor in a half-truth or catching them trying to keep something from us, but I do want to be able to enter into a discourse about Amy’s care intelligently and not just agree with everything the doctor proposes. In essence, I am going to take an active role in Amy’s health care and therefore, I had better know what the doctors are talking about as well as the treatment options that are available. However, In my pursuit for this knowledge, I have subjected myself to the medical fields ‘reality’ on the subject. If it weren’t for my faith in Him who comforts our fears and who heals our hurts, I do not know how Amy and I could go through this. And knowing this is the reason why I included the verse about ‘momentary troubles’ that is listed at the top of this blog. You see, Amy & I truly are looking through that which is seen (medical statistics, etc) to that which is unseen (God’s mercy, grace and love)
As of today, Amy’s Bilirubin levels have fallen to 4.1 and that means that she will start Chemo today. They have also replaced her Compazine with a new anti-nausea medication called Anzemet. 60 100mg tablets costs $2059.89 or $34.33 per pill. My insurance coverage has a 20% co-pay and they are discussing options with the UW even as I’m writing this. Please pray about this, but mostly pray that Amy doesn’t get too sick from the chemo and that the treatments are effective in reducing the tumor.
John 16:24 - Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
A better day
Yesterday went much better for Amy. She took her anti-nausea medication just before she left for Madison and she reported back to me that there was only one time in the middle of the afternoon that she felt a little queasy, but that was it. She’s also showing signs of increased energy as she did some house cleaning and quite a few loads of laundry and we also ran the gambit of parent – teacher conferences as well. All in all a good day, but when the day was done she was tired. It was a lot of activity for someone who’s body is going through a lot right now. Last night, she did mention to me that she felt that her speech was a bit slurred and that she felt very anxious. I didn’t really notice the slurring, but I did notice she was holding her mouth in a peculiar fashion and I also noticed that she was going from one task to another in a rushed manner. I wonder if it’s a side effect from one of her drugs or possibly a drug interaction. In either case, I asked her to mention it to her doctor today.
If it’s not too much to ask & if you’re think about it; each day at 9:00am, could each of you offer up a short prayer for Amy? This is roughly the time of her radiation treatments and please pray for strength, energy, healing and peace. I know there are some 400 people out there that supported Amy by wearing purple, wouldn’t it be incredible if we could get half that number to offer a short prayer each day?!
Matthew 18:20 says ‘For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.’
James 5:16 says ‘Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.’
Romans 12:12 says ‘Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction & faithful in prayer.’
Philippians 4:6 says ‘Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer & petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.’
Colossians 4:2 says ‘Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful & thankful.’
Amy is settling into her radiation routine, but tomorrow is another day as her Chemo is scheduled to start. This could very well bring on new 'challenges' with how she feels and how her body reacts to it. She is very tired of feeling sick and just wants to get back on a mostly normal routine.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
If it’s not too much to ask & if you’re think about it; each day at 9:00am, could each of you offer up a short prayer for Amy? This is roughly the time of her radiation treatments and please pray for strength, energy, healing and peace. I know there are some 400 people out there that supported Amy by wearing purple, wouldn’t it be incredible if we could get half that number to offer a short prayer each day?!
Matthew 18:20 says ‘For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.’
James 5:16 says ‘Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.’
Romans 12:12 says ‘Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction & faithful in prayer.’
Philippians 4:6 says ‘Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer & petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.’
Colossians 4:2 says ‘Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful & thankful.’
Amy is settling into her radiation routine, but tomorrow is another day as her Chemo is scheduled to start. This could very well bring on new 'challenges' with how she feels and how her body reacts to it. She is very tired of feeling sick and just wants to get back on a mostly normal routine.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Lessons and Resistance
This is day 2 for Amy. 25 more treatments. After an initial bout with nausea, the doctor did prescribe some medication and it really has made a difference! The only draw back is that it really zonks her out and she isn’t supposed to drive while on it. Many thanks to those who have stepped up to the plate and are willing to pick up our kids and run a few errands! A special thanks to our church family (Angela et all!) for wrapping our two pillars in 3 or 4 different types of purple ribbon yesterday! It looked awesome! I have had many people ask if we will be doing another ‘Purple’ day and to be honest, I really hadn’t thought about it, but towards that thought I would suggest a purple day on the day of her future surgery (as yet to be determined, after Chemo/Radiation treatment).
God has been trying to teach me something important lately and as is somewhat typical of me, I’ve been ‘resistant’ to the lesson. The lesson He’s been gently trying to teach me is this: In the face of catastrophic events, in the midst of walking the deepest, darkest chasm of your life, God can and will continue to call me into His service. He will continue to use me and to present opportunities for me to glorify Him. But God? I’ve got Amy to take care of! I have the kids to run, to feed, to clean up after, to help, to get to bed! And He answered by saying, ‘Yes, Vince..I know, but MY grace IS sufficient, please care for my sheep.’ And I am humbled…How small of me to think that just because He has Amy and I walking this journey, I should receive some sort of dispensation from doing His work. You see, God has put a friend of mine on my mind for quite some time now and although I’ve been praying for him and his family for even longer, I just really haven’t reached out to him. My biggest fear is that God wants me to be His mouthpiece to this friend as his life has spiraled out of control and his marriage is in extreme danger. God keeps putting this friend in front of me and it’s usually at an inopportune time (I mean really! Can’t you see that I’m having a pity party right now?!). So, he called the other night wanting to know if I was busy and I told him that we had teacher conferences that night. He wanted to know when, so I told him the times. He wanted to know about getting together afterwards and I just kind of paused thinking to myself, ‘This has been a long day, I don’t really want to.’ Then it dawned on me, it finally sunk in…God will only draw our paths together so many times, then the opportunity will pass. And what will be the cost of my inaction? What will be the cost of my self imposed dispensation? More over, am I willing to live with the fact that I didn’t let God use me to help a life drowning in a sea of confusion or a marriage that is in desperate need of healing? So, I met with the friend. We didn’t have the privacy needed to delve into the issue(s), but we did reconnect and it was a start. I could see the hurt & pain on his face and the anguish of a man who is very nearly at rock bottom. I’ve been there before…it’s not pretty…it’s not enjoyable and when you get there, you find that you only have two choices, either curse God and turn away from Him or turn towards Him and through the tears of pain & anguish, cry out to Jesus and leaving all of your burdens & cares at the foot of the cross, He WILL comfort you. I hope that I am up to the task of whatever it is that God intends, but I am willing to be Gods instrument however grandiose or minute.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
God has been trying to teach me something important lately and as is somewhat typical of me, I’ve been ‘resistant’ to the lesson. The lesson He’s been gently trying to teach me is this: In the face of catastrophic events, in the midst of walking the deepest, darkest chasm of your life, God can and will continue to call me into His service. He will continue to use me and to present opportunities for me to glorify Him. But God? I’ve got Amy to take care of! I have the kids to run, to feed, to clean up after, to help, to get to bed! And He answered by saying, ‘Yes, Vince..I know, but MY grace IS sufficient, please care for my sheep.’ And I am humbled…How small of me to think that just because He has Amy and I walking this journey, I should receive some sort of dispensation from doing His work. You see, God has put a friend of mine on my mind for quite some time now and although I’ve been praying for him and his family for even longer, I just really haven’t reached out to him. My biggest fear is that God wants me to be His mouthpiece to this friend as his life has spiraled out of control and his marriage is in extreme danger. God keeps putting this friend in front of me and it’s usually at an inopportune time (I mean really! Can’t you see that I’m having a pity party right now?!). So, he called the other night wanting to know if I was busy and I told him that we had teacher conferences that night. He wanted to know when, so I told him the times. He wanted to know about getting together afterwards and I just kind of paused thinking to myself, ‘This has been a long day, I don’t really want to.’ Then it dawned on me, it finally sunk in…God will only draw our paths together so many times, then the opportunity will pass. And what will be the cost of my inaction? What will be the cost of my self imposed dispensation? More over, am I willing to live with the fact that I didn’t let God use me to help a life drowning in a sea of confusion or a marriage that is in desperate need of healing? So, I met with the friend. We didn’t have the privacy needed to delve into the issue(s), but we did reconnect and it was a start. I could see the hurt & pain on his face and the anguish of a man who is very nearly at rock bottom. I’ve been there before…it’s not pretty…it’s not enjoyable and when you get there, you find that you only have two choices, either curse God and turn away from Him or turn towards Him and through the tears of pain & anguish, cry out to Jesus and leaving all of your burdens & cares at the foot of the cross, He WILL comfort you. I hope that I am up to the task of whatever it is that God intends, but I am willing to be Gods instrument however grandiose or minute.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Monday, March 20, 2006
Not too Rad on Radiation
We had to be at the UW Hospitals at 7:30am this morning. It was slow going because Amy had a pretty sleepless night and when Amy has a sleepless night, It affects my sleep as well. Not that I’m complaining, in truth I am not, but I do feel badly for her because all she wants is to feel better. The itching has really subsided, but every once in awhile, she’ll need me to scratch her back ‘really good!’ It’s her back that is keeping her up at night and this new pain medication they gave her isn’t doing the trick.
I serve on the Baraboo Boys Club Basketball board (4 years now) and our eldest boy Trevor plays on one of the two 7th grade teams. We had our annual end-of-season banquet last night and both teams honored Amy with a gold shirt that had ‘Amy Team Mom’ with ‘Hope & Courage’ circling it embroidered on it and the lettering is purple. Each boy took the time to sign the back of the shirt. They also presented her with a poster that had each boys picture on it along with a short message of encouragement. Not only has Amy been a team mom to these boys, but at one time or another, she has had the pleasure of teaching most of these boys as they came through elementary school.
Anyway, Amy’s blood test revealed that her Biliruben has dropped from 8.5 last Tuesday to 6.1 today. It appears that this stent is working properly. However, the doctor wants the level to be 5.0 or lower before starting Chemo, so they will shoot for this Thursday to start the Chemo. They did, however, start the radiation therapy today. She was in there for about 30 min. they told us that it wouldn’t take that long the next time, but they needed to calibrate the machine to Amy. I asked the Radiological Oncologist if Amy should expect any nausea, he said that the machine is fairly precise with where the radiation goes and that he didn’t think she would experience nausea from the radiation, but most likely could from the Chemo. We didn’t even get out of the hospital before Amy started to feel queasy. Thank goodness I had a plastic grocery bag in the van, because we barely made it back on HWY 12 and Amy needed to use it. She is home in bed right now, sicker than a dog…and this is the first of 27 treatments…every day except weekends for 5 ½ weeks.
I asked for those of you who would, to wear something purple in support of Amy starting treatment and for Pancreatic Cancer awareness today. We received a great response and I know of at least 350 people that are wearing purple today in support! I personally want to thank each and every one of you who decided to wear purple. This is the breakdown of the 350 people and how they know Amy:
52 – Family
120 – Church
109 – Baraboo Club Basketball
49 – Community/Friends
20 – Education
So, now begins the actual journey, a journey that I expect will be: emotional, fear laden, full of uncertainties and at times will seem quite dark. But even with this, we know that we are not alone, we have at least 350 people out there that are caring for us, praying for us, reading with us. Each of you are making this journey with us, step by step, word by word. Even beyond all of this, in the last half of Hebrews 13:5 our Lord says ‘..Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ He will always be with us and we will NEVER be without hope!
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
I serve on the Baraboo Boys Club Basketball board (4 years now) and our eldest boy Trevor plays on one of the two 7th grade teams. We had our annual end-of-season banquet last night and both teams honored Amy with a gold shirt that had ‘Amy Team Mom’ with ‘Hope & Courage’ circling it embroidered on it and the lettering is purple. Each boy took the time to sign the back of the shirt. They also presented her with a poster that had each boys picture on it along with a short message of encouragement. Not only has Amy been a team mom to these boys, but at one time or another, she has had the pleasure of teaching most of these boys as they came through elementary school.
Anyway, Amy’s blood test revealed that her Biliruben has dropped from 8.5 last Tuesday to 6.1 today. It appears that this stent is working properly. However, the doctor wants the level to be 5.0 or lower before starting Chemo, so they will shoot for this Thursday to start the Chemo. They did, however, start the radiation therapy today. She was in there for about 30 min. they told us that it wouldn’t take that long the next time, but they needed to calibrate the machine to Amy. I asked the Radiological Oncologist if Amy should expect any nausea, he said that the machine is fairly precise with where the radiation goes and that he didn’t think she would experience nausea from the radiation, but most likely could from the Chemo. We didn’t even get out of the hospital before Amy started to feel queasy. Thank goodness I had a plastic grocery bag in the van, because we barely made it back on HWY 12 and Amy needed to use it. She is home in bed right now, sicker than a dog…and this is the first of 27 treatments…every day except weekends for 5 ½ weeks.
I asked for those of you who would, to wear something purple in support of Amy starting treatment and for Pancreatic Cancer awareness today. We received a great response and I know of at least 350 people that are wearing purple today in support! I personally want to thank each and every one of you who decided to wear purple. This is the breakdown of the 350 people and how they know Amy:
52 – Family
120 – Church
109 – Baraboo Club Basketball
49 – Community/Friends
20 – Education
So, now begins the actual journey, a journey that I expect will be: emotional, fear laden, full of uncertainties and at times will seem quite dark. But even with this, we know that we are not alone, we have at least 350 people out there that are caring for us, praying for us, reading with us. Each of you are making this journey with us, step by step, word by word. Even beyond all of this, in the last half of Hebrews 13:5 our Lord says ‘..Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ He will always be with us and we will NEVER be without hope!
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Humbled & Blessed
I sit here feeling completely humbled and blessed because of the outpouring of love and generosity we have received from our family, church and community friends. We truly do not know how to adequately thank each of you and simply saying Thank You! falls incredibly short of the mark. We thank the Lord daily for granting us the privilege & blessing of knowing each and everyone one of you! Please know that you have and continue to enrich our lives.
Amy finally got some relief from her back pain in the form of a new pain medication. Although it does make her somewhat sleepy, it does appear to be working. She continues to itch, but in my opinion/ observation, it doesn’t seem to be as constant nor does it seem nearly as intense. Our biggest prayer is that her BR level will be low enough on Monday for her to start the Chemo/Radiation treatments and that the stent will not become clogged anytime during treatment.
As the week winds down, I sit back and see that Vinny is well on his way to feeling better, Trevor had a slight set back today and stayed home from school, but seems to have kicked strep. Hope is on her way to feeling better as well, but she really had me worried for awhile (104.2 temp WOW!). Brittany never fell ill, but she can be really quiet at times and I worry that she’s internalizing all of this too much. Even Feliz our dog seems a bit out of sorts as she’s used to Amy holding her in her lap (because of the itching, she hasn’t done so), but instead remains content in lying on the floor beside our bed. Amy herself has had quite the week; two stents put in, expectations high, disappointment, frustration, anger, tears, sleeplessness, pain and yes…itching. But along with that came; prayers, support, visitors, well wishers, blessings and of course love. Me? My week was filled with keeping people informed, keeping just enough pressure on the doctors to keep them sharp, caring for Amy and the kids, running and picking up the kids, trying to keep life as normal for the kids as possible, keeping plugged into my faith and into my civic and occupational responsibilities and of course the blog.
As stated yesterday, this is a reminder for those of you who are going to participate in wearing something purple on Monday in support of Amy’s first day (hopefully!) of Chemo/Radiation treatment as well as support for Pancreatic Cancer Awareness. I would just LOVE for Amy to see over 50 comments to the blog stating who will be wearing purple!
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Amy finally got some relief from her back pain in the form of a new pain medication. Although it does make her somewhat sleepy, it does appear to be working. She continues to itch, but in my opinion/ observation, it doesn’t seem to be as constant nor does it seem nearly as intense. Our biggest prayer is that her BR level will be low enough on Monday for her to start the Chemo/Radiation treatments and that the stent will not become clogged anytime during treatment.
As the week winds down, I sit back and see that Vinny is well on his way to feeling better, Trevor had a slight set back today and stayed home from school, but seems to have kicked strep. Hope is on her way to feeling better as well, but she really had me worried for awhile (104.2 temp WOW!). Brittany never fell ill, but she can be really quiet at times and I worry that she’s internalizing all of this too much. Even Feliz our dog seems a bit out of sorts as she’s used to Amy holding her in her lap (because of the itching, she hasn’t done so), but instead remains content in lying on the floor beside our bed. Amy herself has had quite the week; two stents put in, expectations high, disappointment, frustration, anger, tears, sleeplessness, pain and yes…itching. But along with that came; prayers, support, visitors, well wishers, blessings and of course love. Me? My week was filled with keeping people informed, keeping just enough pressure on the doctors to keep them sharp, caring for Amy and the kids, running and picking up the kids, trying to keep life as normal for the kids as possible, keeping plugged into my faith and into my civic and occupational responsibilities and of course the blog.
As stated yesterday, this is a reminder for those of you who are going to participate in wearing something purple on Monday in support of Amy’s first day (hopefully!) of Chemo/Radiation treatment as well as support for Pancreatic Cancer Awareness. I would just LOVE for Amy to see over 50 comments to the blog stating who will be wearing purple!
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Friday, March 17, 2006
Not so fast!
I knew it...I should have known better...I should have waited a day or two. When I wrote yesterday's posting, I debated with myself about claiming that Amy had turned the corner with her itching, or waiting an additional day or two to make sure. Sure enough, her itching has returned with a vengeance . Yeah, I actually had this silent debate in my head: 'I need to let everyone know of Amy's relief! Yeah, but what if the relief is only temporary? True, but I need to show my faith in this. OK...where will your faith be if the relief IS only temporary? Right where it should be because my faith isn't or shouldn't be dependent upon if my prayers are answered in the way I wish them to be.' So, I went ahead and published my post. Does this mean my faith had no value? Not at all! My faith is still in God and His purpose in all of this. I may not understand the whys, but God is God and I am not! His plan transcends human understanding and I learned a long time ago that my timing is rarely His timing.
Now, on the positive side, her Biliruben blood level has dropped from 9.7 to 8.5 since Tuesday. Please pray that this continues to drop. Amy is scheduled to start her Chemo/Radiation treatments this coming Monday and this may or may not happen depending on what her Biliruben level is on Monday. If her BR (Biliruben) level goes back up, that will indicate that the metal stent has clogged. If that happens, one of two things will happen: 1) They put a shunt into her liver and a tube will come out her side and the bile will empty into a bag 2) They forego the Chemo/Radiation treatments and go forward with the Whipple surgery in spite of the reason they wanted to delay it in the first place. If it is going down, they may decide to proceed with the therapy or if it isn't down enough, they may wait until it is. Amy is still experiencing quite a bit of pain in her back and she has woken me in the middle of the night to have me rub the pain out.
My brother in law Dave, made an excellent suggestion the other day. I would like to ask each of you reading this to wear something purple this coming Monday in support of Amy and Pancreatic Cancer Awareness. It can be anything you like, but I would like you to post a comment to this posting so Amy can see exactly how many people out there are thinking, praying and supporting her. Please include your name too!
Here looking forward to a PURPLE day!
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Now, on the positive side, her Biliruben blood level has dropped from 9.7 to 8.5 since Tuesday. Please pray that this continues to drop. Amy is scheduled to start her Chemo/Radiation treatments this coming Monday and this may or may not happen depending on what her Biliruben level is on Monday. If her BR (Biliruben) level goes back up, that will indicate that the metal stent has clogged. If that happens, one of two things will happen: 1) They put a shunt into her liver and a tube will come out her side and the bile will empty into a bag 2) They forego the Chemo/Radiation treatments and go forward with the Whipple surgery in spite of the reason they wanted to delay it in the first place. If it is going down, they may decide to proceed with the therapy or if it isn't down enough, they may wait until it is. Amy is still experiencing quite a bit of pain in her back and she has woken me in the middle of the night to have me rub the pain out.
My brother in law Dave, made an excellent suggestion the other day. I would like to ask each of you reading this to wear something purple this coming Monday in support of Amy and Pancreatic Cancer Awareness. It can be anything you like, but I would like you to post a comment to this posting so Amy can see exactly how many people out there are thinking, praying and supporting her. Please include your name too!
Here looking forward to a PURPLE day!
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Ahhhleluia!
At the risk of making a premature statement, I do believe Amy has turned the corner with the itching. It hasn’t completely gone away, but the intensity of the urge has diminished. Her back is still bothering her, but that pain too doesn’t seem to be quite as sharp. Unfortunately, Vinny is home sick with a nasty cough (praying this isn’t a strep precursor) and Hope is running a temperature of 104 (yes, she’s going to see the doc). I told Amy that I’d be willing to stay home to take care of them, but she said to go on to work, that if she needed me, she’d call.
Why do we have the tendency to wait to search for God until a crisis occurs in our lives? I’m not talking about going to church or attending a bible study, but truly searching and striving for a significant relationship with the one person who will accept us for who we are and who brings no ‘baggage’ or selfish expectations into the relationship. I’m not saying that Amy or I waited, but I know that I have done this in the past. If you walked into a room and saw your mother or father, you wouldn’t walk right by them without striking up at least a short conversation would you? If you ran into financial trouble and needed cash quickly, would you approach a friend who you haven’t seen or talked to in 5 years with this need? I certainly wouldn’t. So, why do we do this to our creator? Why do we do this to the person we claim to have placed our trust? The second part of Proverbs 15:8 says, ‘..the prayer of the upright is his delight.’ That implies that not only does God want to listen to our prayers, but they actually make him happy! And a prayer doesn’t have to be a set or ‘traditional’ prayer, but can be just simply talking to him. It’s easy to for us to pray and get close to God when times are bad (where else are we going to go?). But what do we do when times are good or busy? I've tried to develop the discipline that whether times are 'good' or 'bad' I remember my relationship with God and as with any relationship, it needs care and development. My intent is to remember that God is my source of all things. The better our relationship is with our Lord the harder it is to leave his side and the more in-tune to his leading we will be.
Why do we live without Jesus?
Why do we wait another day?
He is the life that sustains us
The only hope for us today
So tell me, why do we live
Why do we live without Him?
I’ve heard from many of you who have asked, ‘How have/can you keep it together?’ Don’t let me fool you! There have been MANY times when I have haven’t kept it together, but I understand this is out of my hands and Mathew 6: 27-34 ALWAYS comes to mind:
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Listen, worrying takes responsibility for something God never intended us to have.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Why do we have the tendency to wait to search for God until a crisis occurs in our lives? I’m not talking about going to church or attending a bible study, but truly searching and striving for a significant relationship with the one person who will accept us for who we are and who brings no ‘baggage’ or selfish expectations into the relationship. I’m not saying that Amy or I waited, but I know that I have done this in the past. If you walked into a room and saw your mother or father, you wouldn’t walk right by them without striking up at least a short conversation would you? If you ran into financial trouble and needed cash quickly, would you approach a friend who you haven’t seen or talked to in 5 years with this need? I certainly wouldn’t. So, why do we do this to our creator? Why do we do this to the person we claim to have placed our trust? The second part of Proverbs 15:8 says, ‘..the prayer of the upright is his delight.’ That implies that not only does God want to listen to our prayers, but they actually make him happy! And a prayer doesn’t have to be a set or ‘traditional’ prayer, but can be just simply talking to him. It’s easy to for us to pray and get close to God when times are bad (where else are we going to go?). But what do we do when times are good or busy? I've tried to develop the discipline that whether times are 'good' or 'bad' I remember my relationship with God and as with any relationship, it needs care and development. My intent is to remember that God is my source of all things. The better our relationship is with our Lord the harder it is to leave his side and the more in-tune to his leading we will be.
Why do we live without Jesus?
Why do we wait another day?
He is the life that sustains us
The only hope for us today
So tell me, why do we live
Why do we live without Him?
I’ve heard from many of you who have asked, ‘How have/can you keep it together?’ Don’t let me fool you! There have been MANY times when I have haven’t kept it together, but I understand this is out of my hands and Mathew 6: 27-34 ALWAYS comes to mind:
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Listen, worrying takes responsibility for something God never intended us to have.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Purple is the color of...
We recently had the opportunity to spend a few days with Amy’s mother, her older sister and her sisters niece. They came up from Iowa to go with us to Amy’s first Chemo/Radiation treatment (this didn’t start - see the previous two days entries). We shared meals together, shopped together, talked together and even shared tears together. I enjoy teasing both Amy’s mother and her sister(s), in fact, Amy’s mother & I have enjoyed bantering back and forth for quite some time now.
Amy’s mother brought with her: Concern, advice & a desire to know more. Her sister brought with her: A knowledge of things medical so she could help her mother understand & a compassion for her sister. Her niece brought with her: A willingness to help and a desire to spend some time with her cousins. I look at these women and see three generations of love, determination, courage and strength. These traits are well reflected in Amy’s other two sisters, her brother, her father as well as herself. No one else may be able to bear this for Amy, but she will NEVER EVER bear it alone.
On Monday, we traveled to Madison to meet with Amy’s oncologist and while we were waiting, Amy’s mother excused herself to go look at what was being offered in a gift shop she had spotted while we were coming in. Now, when I mention ‘Pink Ribbon’, what does that bring to mind? If you said ‘Breast Cancer Awareness’, you would be correct. If I mentioned ‘Purple Ribbon’, would you know what that signifies? Well, Amy’s mother came back from her perusal of the shop and she handed Amy and I each a purple gel-wristband and one of those fashionable car magnets shape like a ribbon, it too was the color purple. Now, if you know anything about the significance of colors, you would know that purple was/is considered a royal color. Royal colors used to be reserved for Kings, Queens and other royalty. Purple happens to be Amy’s favorite color and it also happens to be the color of Pancreatic Cancer Awareness. The magnetic ribbon actually has ‘Pancreatic Cancer Awareness’ written across it and we have placed it on the rear end of Amy’s van. The Gel-bands have the following written on them: ‘Say it – Fight it – Cure it’. I haven’t taken mine off since she gave it to me.
By the way Sandy? I’m still waiting for my raisin filled cookies!
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Amy’s mother brought with her: Concern, advice & a desire to know more. Her sister brought with her: A knowledge of things medical so she could help her mother understand & a compassion for her sister. Her niece brought with her: A willingness to help and a desire to spend some time with her cousins. I look at these women and see three generations of love, determination, courage and strength. These traits are well reflected in Amy’s other two sisters, her brother, her father as well as herself. No one else may be able to bear this for Amy, but she will NEVER EVER bear it alone.
On Monday, we traveled to Madison to meet with Amy’s oncologist and while we were waiting, Amy’s mother excused herself to go look at what was being offered in a gift shop she had spotted while we were coming in. Now, when I mention ‘Pink Ribbon’, what does that bring to mind? If you said ‘Breast Cancer Awareness’, you would be correct. If I mentioned ‘Purple Ribbon’, would you know what that signifies? Well, Amy’s mother came back from her perusal of the shop and she handed Amy and I each a purple gel-wristband and one of those fashionable car magnets shape like a ribbon, it too was the color purple. Now, if you know anything about the significance of colors, you would know that purple was/is considered a royal color. Royal colors used to be reserved for Kings, Queens and other royalty. Purple happens to be Amy’s favorite color and it also happens to be the color of Pancreatic Cancer Awareness. The magnetic ribbon actually has ‘Pancreatic Cancer Awareness’ written across it and we have placed it on the rear end of Amy’s van. The Gel-bands have the following written on them: ‘Say it – Fight it – Cure it’. I haven’t taken mine off since she gave it to me.
By the way Sandy? I’m still waiting for my raisin filled cookies!
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
A moment of despair
Today hasn't been a good one. Trevor's home sick with strep-throat and Amy had to go back in and have her third stint put in. Amy lost it somewhat when we dropped Hope off; I had stopped the van and walked Hope up to our friend's house and when I got back into the vehicle, she was crying. Amy tells me, 'I don't even know if I will be able to take care of Hope. Who's going to take care of her if I get to the point where I can't?' 'And Brittany, will I be able to see her graduate?' 'I am SO tired of this! I just want all of this to go away!' I tell her, 'Babe, I would take this for you if I could. I would take all of the itching, the stint replacements, the tumor and ALL of the risks in a heartbeat, but I can't. You WILL continue to raise our kids and you WILL see Brittany and each one graduate. You WILL become a grandmother and you and I WILL grow old together.'
Each of us during our lives, have moments where we despair. Situations get SO intense that we feel like there is no hope. Even Christ on the cross cried out, 'My God!, My God! Why have you forsaken me!'
Some of you may feel this is focusing on the negative, but it's not! This is a message of hope! Amy has a hope for the immediate as well as for the future. She is NOT giving up, but like any normal person, there are times when she's afraid and times when she despairs and as is typical for her, mostly about her children. We have ALL thought 'Why God? Why has this happened? Why has this happened to Amy? And why now? I am not ready to delve into that rather HUGE topic, I know that I will at some point, but I would point you to the account of the fall of man in Genesis (Genesis 3:1-24).
So, please continue to pray for Amy, for Me and our Kids.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Each of us during our lives, have moments where we despair. Situations get SO intense that we feel like there is no hope. Even Christ on the cross cried out, 'My God!, My God! Why have you forsaken me!'
Some of you may feel this is focusing on the negative, but it's not! This is a message of hope! Amy has a hope for the immediate as well as for the future. She is NOT giving up, but like any normal person, there are times when she's afraid and times when she despairs and as is typical for her, mostly about her children. We have ALL thought 'Why God? Why has this happened? Why has this happened to Amy? And why now? I am not ready to delve into that rather HUGE topic, I know that I will at some point, but I would point you to the account of the fall of man in Genesis (Genesis 3:1-24).
So, please continue to pray for Amy, for Me and our Kids.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Monday, March 13, 2006
On your marks...Get set...um, er, well...wait!
Today is Monday, March 13th. This date has significance. This is the day Amy starts her Chemo-Radition treatments...or at least it was supposed to be. As you know, Amy had her stint replaced this past Saturday and she was looking forward to Sunday morning. You see, with the dawning of a new day, she would FINALLY get some relief from the constant itching that the first stint was supposed to supply. Guess what? The itching didn't abate, in fact it got worse! Knowing that she still had an appointment with her oncologist on Monday morning, we decided to wait until then to address this issue. Upon arriving at the UW Hospitals this morning, Amy had yet another blood draw done (Amy and I have discussed asking them to put some type of spigot in her arm to make this easier on the both of them) to check her Bilirubin level. When we finally saw her oncologist, he informed us that her Bilirubin level had increased from 8.9 on Saturday to 9.7 today and that Amy wouldn't be starting her therapy today because the level needs to be closer to normal (3 or 4) for her body to properly metabolize the Chemo medication. So...we go back to the UW tomorrow (Tuesday) to have her new plastic stint replaced with a titanium one. For those of you who are counting, this will be her third stint in less than 2 weeks. When these are put in, they have Amy lay on her stomach and put her under. Next, they snake an Endoscope with a special type of catheter down her throat and carefully thread this catheter into her bile duct. Once inserted, they release the stint and it will spring open, holding the duct open. The problem with the plastic stints is that they can colapse, where the metal ones do not. The only draw back is that when it comes time for surgery, this will lengthen the time of the procedure. So, we are praying that this will finally work and give Amy the comfort she's been begging for.
I told the doctor that 'This can not go on, this delay after delay has stretched to one month since we first saw the UW surgeon and that we are in a race against time. As of February 24th the tumor had not metastasized (spread), but that wont hold forever. We need to get on the stick and get her through this treatment so the surgery can be performed.'
I know that God has a plan and that everything will come in his timing and that worrying will not add one day, one hour or one minute past what he has ordained for us, but I can not help but press the issue of urgency.
Please pray for patience, understanding and peace.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
I told the doctor that 'This can not go on, this delay after delay has stretched to one month since we first saw the UW surgeon and that we are in a race against time. As of February 24th the tumor had not metastasized (spread), but that wont hold forever. We need to get on the stick and get her through this treatment so the surgery can be performed.'
I know that God has a plan and that everything will come in his timing and that worrying will not add one day, one hour or one minute past what he has ordained for us, but I can not help but press the issue of urgency.
Please pray for patience, understanding and peace.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Day of Rest
Genesis 2:2 - By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work.
If resting on the seventh day is good enough for our Lord, then it's good enough for me. No blog today.
- V
If resting on the seventh day is good enough for our Lord, then it's good enough for me. No blog today.
- V
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Customer Service 101
I have always held the belief that every High School student should be required to take a course in Customer Service. I find it absolutely appalling that a great share of people who decided to go into a service oriented profession have absolutely no idea how to treat a customer. Admittedly everyone has their breaking point and contrary to the commonly taught axiom, customers AREN'T always right. A person who has been properly schooled in the art (and yes, it is an art)of Customer Service knows how to 'dress down' a badly behaving customer in such a way that the customer leaves not only satisfied, but smiling as well.
Yesterday and today Amy and I experienced some interactions with medical staff at the UW Hospitals that sorely lacked not just basic Customer Service, but kindness, respect and proper protocol. If you can remember, a week ago Thursday, Amy had a stint put into her bile duct because her bile wasn't flowing, she was jaundiced and they didn't want to start her Chemo/Radiation treatments before this was cleared up. I remember asking the doctor at the time if Amy should have her blood checked daily to see if this was working, he said, 'No, she's flowing like a river, she'll be fine.' So, I took him at his word and took Amy home. On Sunday, she was back scratching again, so I pressed her to call the doctor first thing on Monday. On Monday, she called and informed the doctor that she was back itching again and he told her to go up to the local clinic and they'll run a blood test and he'd call her in the afternoon. He did as he promised and called her, but said that her Bilirubin levels were down and that she should be ok. Friday came around and Amy was itching worse than ever and by now she has scratched so badly that she has tiny scabs all over her body from scratching, so she calls the doctor and he tells her to go up and have another blood test done and that he'll call her back when he gets the results. When he called her back he said that the levels were indeed back up, that obviously the stint isn't working and that she could either 'tough it out' until Monday or come in tomorrow (Saturday) morning but either way, they are going to need to go back in and replace the stint. Amy, obviously not too happy about this told the doctor that she'd need to talk to me about it first; the doctor said fine, just call him back and we'd go from there. Amy and I chatted about it and even though she wasn't looking forward to doing this YET again, I convinced her that the sooner this is done, the sooner we can move forward. She calls the doctor back (this is probably around 2:00pm) and gets his nurse who is completely clueless and after Amy explains everything to her, tells Amy that she'll have the doctor return her call. We wait two hours and the doctor still hasn't returned Amy's call and it's getting close to the end of office hours, so Amy calls and asks me to call and find out what's going on. So, I call and talk to the receptionist and fill her in on what's happened and that we really need a call back from the doctor, she asks me where they can return my call and I give them my work number, thank her for her time and hang up. About ten minutes later, Amy calls me and she just got off the phone from the nurse where she once again had to explain everything. She got to a portion where she say something about already talking to the doctor about this, the nurse interrupted and said in a voice an octave higher than before, 'You've already talked to the doctor?' to which Amy replied, 'Yes, I've told you that before' and the nurse replies with something like, 'Well, I will page him right away.' They hang up and the doctor calls Amy within 15 min. It seems obvious to me that nurse didn't page the doctor the first time like she said she would. Now, maybe I was just a little too hard on her, after all I don't know if she was having a busy day or not, but I don't think it too difficult to ask the receptionist to place the page.
I am actually writing this from the UW Hospitals on Saturday morning where our ride on the Customer Service Carnival continues with our trip to the outpatient lab. Our nurse walks us down to the lab and goes to hand Amy's lab chart to someone and that someone tells our nurse, 'We don't open until 9:00' our nurse looks at her watch and replies 'Oh, you mean in like 5 minutes?' and they respond 'Yes.' So, we go back out to the empty waiting area to wait. 9:00 comes and goes and noone comes out to Amy. Other patients are starting to come in and they kind of wander around waiting and still noone comes out. At 9:12, with noone still coming out, a voice from back in the lab area tells one of the people just standing around, 'Well, come on back.' This happens 3 or 4 times before I say out loud for all to hear, 'Aren't they going to follow any process? Like go by the chart order?' I think one of the people who had been called back must have said something because a few minutes later, one of the nurses stuck her head out and asked for the person who was supposed to have surgery done at 10:00am...
Is it too much to ask that Service Professionals be more Service Centered & less Self Centered? I personally know that it can be daunting, after all I worked in restaurant/retail management for 12 years, but I also know with a little creativity, it can be a lot of fun!
...They have driving school for those who have received too many tickets, maybe they should have a remedial Customer Service school for those who need it as well.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Yesterday and today Amy and I experienced some interactions with medical staff at the UW Hospitals that sorely lacked not just basic Customer Service, but kindness, respect and proper protocol. If you can remember, a week ago Thursday, Amy had a stint put into her bile duct because her bile wasn't flowing, she was jaundiced and they didn't want to start her Chemo/Radiation treatments before this was cleared up. I remember asking the doctor at the time if Amy should have her blood checked daily to see if this was working, he said, 'No, she's flowing like a river, she'll be fine.' So, I took him at his word and took Amy home. On Sunday, she was back scratching again, so I pressed her to call the doctor first thing on Monday. On Monday, she called and informed the doctor that she was back itching again and he told her to go up to the local clinic and they'll run a blood test and he'd call her in the afternoon. He did as he promised and called her, but said that her Bilirubin levels were down and that she should be ok. Friday came around and Amy was itching worse than ever and by now she has scratched so badly that she has tiny scabs all over her body from scratching, so she calls the doctor and he tells her to go up and have another blood test done and that he'll call her back when he gets the results. When he called her back he said that the levels were indeed back up, that obviously the stint isn't working and that she could either 'tough it out' until Monday or come in tomorrow (Saturday) morning but either way, they are going to need to go back in and replace the stint. Amy, obviously not too happy about this told the doctor that she'd need to talk to me about it first; the doctor said fine, just call him back and we'd go from there. Amy and I chatted about it and even though she wasn't looking forward to doing this YET again, I convinced her that the sooner this is done, the sooner we can move forward. She calls the doctor back (this is probably around 2:00pm) and gets his nurse who is completely clueless and after Amy explains everything to her, tells Amy that she'll have the doctor return her call. We wait two hours and the doctor still hasn't returned Amy's call and it's getting close to the end of office hours, so Amy calls and asks me to call and find out what's going on. So, I call and talk to the receptionist and fill her in on what's happened and that we really need a call back from the doctor, she asks me where they can return my call and I give them my work number, thank her for her time and hang up. About ten minutes later, Amy calls me and she just got off the phone from the nurse where she once again had to explain everything. She got to a portion where she say something about already talking to the doctor about this, the nurse interrupted and said in a voice an octave higher than before, 'You've already talked to the doctor?' to which Amy replied, 'Yes, I've told you that before' and the nurse replies with something like, 'Well, I will page him right away.' They hang up and the doctor calls Amy within 15 min. It seems obvious to me that nurse didn't page the doctor the first time like she said she would. Now, maybe I was just a little too hard on her, after all I don't know if she was having a busy day or not, but I don't think it too difficult to ask the receptionist to place the page.
I am actually writing this from the UW Hospitals on Saturday morning where our ride on the Customer Service Carnival continues with our trip to the outpatient lab. Our nurse walks us down to the lab and goes to hand Amy's lab chart to someone and that someone tells our nurse, 'We don't open until 9:00' our nurse looks at her watch and replies 'Oh, you mean in like 5 minutes?' and they respond 'Yes.' So, we go back out to the empty waiting area to wait. 9:00 comes and goes and noone comes out to Amy. Other patients are starting to come in and they kind of wander around waiting and still noone comes out. At 9:12, with noone still coming out, a voice from back in the lab area tells one of the people just standing around, 'Well, come on back.' This happens 3 or 4 times before I say out loud for all to hear, 'Aren't they going to follow any process? Like go by the chart order?' I think one of the people who had been called back must have said something because a few minutes later, one of the nurses stuck her head out and asked for the person who was supposed to have surgery done at 10:00am...
Is it too much to ask that Service Professionals be more Service Centered & less Self Centered? I personally know that it can be daunting, after all I worked in restaurant/retail management for 12 years, but I also know with a little creativity, it can be a lot of fun!
...They have driving school for those who have received too many tickets, maybe they should have a remedial Customer Service school for those who need it as well.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Friday, March 10, 2006
Labeling & Categorizing – The workings of a young mans mind
Matthew 11:28 - Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest.
Dependence upon God requires spirit, mind and body acting together, over time, and in circumstances where there can be no reasonable doubt that God has acted for and in us. That typically means difficult, stressful circumstances. Such circumstances, circumstances that drain the courage of the brave and distract the faith of the righteous, are the crucibles in which are forged lives of true dependence upon God. Even Jesus, "Although He was the Son of God, learned obedience [dependence upon God] from the things that he suffered." Hebrews 5.8 (5-14).
God desires our dependence upon him because it’s a demonstration of our faith & obedience.
Amy & I will be married 20 years this coming August 1st. We met in September of 1985, in the student union at the University of Northern Iowa in Cedar Falls. I had just returned from working all summer at a YMCA camp on Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire and had gone up to the University to look up some of my friends whom I hadn’t seen all summer. As I walked into the building, I spotted one of my friends sitting with someone I didn’t know. Heading their direction and being a male, I checked this other girl out and in essence this is what went on in my brain: …female…messed-up hair pulled back into ponytail…wearing sweats…looks sweaty…BIG owl like glasses…rather non-descript…final analysis: Plain Jane, not interested. I know, I know…’How shallow can this guy be’ and you’re right I was, but I’m here to tell you that is how the majority of young men think. No excuses, just an explanation. Anyway, my friend introduces me to this girl and her name was Amy VanBesien. I say hello & discover that my friend and her work together at Showbiz Pizza. I finish my conversation with my friend and that was that. The very next day, I was sitting in the union at a large table with a number of my friends, chatting or playing cards when this girl approaches the table and says ‘Hi, guys!’ I look up and again, this in essence is what went on in my brain: WOW!...long wavy dark auburn hair!...beautiful green eyes!...nice makeup, not overstated…LONG legs!...final analysis: Wow! Who is this girl! I lean over to my same friend from yesterday and I say to her, ‘Who is that girl!’ and she looked at me weird and said, ‘That’s Amy, you know, from yesterday?’ and out loud I say, ‘NO WAY!’ Well, evidently the day before, Amy had just gotten out of Tennis class where she had gotten hit in the eye with a tennis ball. Hence the sweats, pulled back hair and BIG owl like glasses on. The difference in her appearance between the two days was SO striking that I was actually dumbfounded.
Yesterday at work, my manager took her time and sent a letter to the I/S department where I work. In this letter she explained what has been happening in my and my family’s lives over the past few months and this is a portion of what she said, ‘Both Vince and his wife Amy are very involved in the Baraboo community through church, schools, sports – baseball, basketball, etc. Amy holds a Master’s in education and has been a substitute teacher within the Baraboo school system for years. As a volunteer, Amy is widely known for her kindness, generosity of spirit and caring for all of our children. If you travel within the Baraboo community, word has spread that Amy is currently sick. Not everyone knows how serious it is, but most people express that in one way or another Amy has touched their lives or the lives of their families in one way or another. For Vince, his family is the center of his universe, and his wife Amy is the love of his life.’
My manager is correct, whether it be messed-up hair, wearing sweats & BIG owl like glasses or if she’s dressed to the nines, Amy IS the love of my life. If I had to do it all over again, I would gladly repeat every moment with her.
Thank you Heidi for introducing me to that ‘non-descript’ girl 20 plus years ago…ask anyone who knows Amy now, she’s anything but non-descript!
Oh and for those of you who don't know, you can enter comments by clicking on the BLOG THIS! words at the top of the page!
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Dependence upon God requires spirit, mind and body acting together, over time, and in circumstances where there can be no reasonable doubt that God has acted for and in us. That typically means difficult, stressful circumstances. Such circumstances, circumstances that drain the courage of the brave and distract the faith of the righteous, are the crucibles in which are forged lives of true dependence upon God. Even Jesus, "Although He was the Son of God, learned obedience [dependence upon God] from the things that he suffered." Hebrews 5.8 (5-14).
God desires our dependence upon him because it’s a demonstration of our faith & obedience.
Amy & I will be married 20 years this coming August 1st. We met in September of 1985, in the student union at the University of Northern Iowa in Cedar Falls. I had just returned from working all summer at a YMCA camp on Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire and had gone up to the University to look up some of my friends whom I hadn’t seen all summer. As I walked into the building, I spotted one of my friends sitting with someone I didn’t know. Heading their direction and being a male, I checked this other girl out and in essence this is what went on in my brain: …female…messed-up hair pulled back into ponytail…wearing sweats…looks sweaty…BIG owl like glasses…rather non-descript…final analysis: Plain Jane, not interested. I know, I know…’How shallow can this guy be’ and you’re right I was, but I’m here to tell you that is how the majority of young men think. No excuses, just an explanation. Anyway, my friend introduces me to this girl and her name was Amy VanBesien. I say hello & discover that my friend and her work together at Showbiz Pizza. I finish my conversation with my friend and that was that. The very next day, I was sitting in the union at a large table with a number of my friends, chatting or playing cards when this girl approaches the table and says ‘Hi, guys!’ I look up and again, this in essence is what went on in my brain: WOW!...long wavy dark auburn hair!...beautiful green eyes!...nice makeup, not overstated…LONG legs!...final analysis: Wow! Who is this girl! I lean over to my same friend from yesterday and I say to her, ‘Who is that girl!’ and she looked at me weird and said, ‘That’s Amy, you know, from yesterday?’ and out loud I say, ‘NO WAY!’ Well, evidently the day before, Amy had just gotten out of Tennis class where she had gotten hit in the eye with a tennis ball. Hence the sweats, pulled back hair and BIG owl like glasses on. The difference in her appearance between the two days was SO striking that I was actually dumbfounded.
Yesterday at work, my manager took her time and sent a letter to the I/S department where I work. In this letter she explained what has been happening in my and my family’s lives over the past few months and this is a portion of what she said, ‘Both Vince and his wife Amy are very involved in the Baraboo community through church, schools, sports – baseball, basketball, etc. Amy holds a Master’s in education and has been a substitute teacher within the Baraboo school system for years. As a volunteer, Amy is widely known for her kindness, generosity of spirit and caring for all of our children. If you travel within the Baraboo community, word has spread that Amy is currently sick. Not everyone knows how serious it is, but most people express that in one way or another Amy has touched their lives or the lives of their families in one way or another. For Vince, his family is the center of his universe, and his wife Amy is the love of his life.’
My manager is correct, whether it be messed-up hair, wearing sweats & BIG owl like glasses or if she’s dressed to the nines, Amy IS the love of my life. If I had to do it all over again, I would gladly repeat every moment with her.
Thank you Heidi for introducing me to that ‘non-descript’ girl 20 plus years ago…ask anyone who knows Amy now, she’s anything but non-descript!
Oh and for those of you who don't know, you can enter comments by clicking on the BLOG THIS! words at the top of the page!
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Knowing your limitations and recognizing your dependence
Isaiah 41:10 - So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
The other day, Amy called me at work and amongst other things, discussed what to have for supper that night. After several suggestions and either her or I turning our noses up at each, we finally decided on tenderloins. No, not beef tenderloin of steak, but rather the type were you take a butterflied pork chop, trim off the fat, pound it flat with a tenderizing hammer and dip it first in an egg wash and then in crushed saltines and fry them. Anyway, after work I went to the store, picked up the tenderloins and headed home. Upon arrival, I discovered that Amy was in bed and that she was not feeling well. I thought ‘Ah ha! Tonight will be a test to see how this will work when Amy is recovering from surgery and truly will not be able to get out of bed.' I changed clothes, looked at the clock (5:30pm) and set myself to task. I trimmed, split and flattened the tenderloins, set two fry pans on the stove, poured some oil into each and turned the burners on to heat the oil. Next, I made a quick decision between baked potato’s and oven French fries. Knowing that the French fries will take 26 min to cook (not to mention the 10 min to pre-heat the oven), I chose baked. So, I had our visiting niece scrub the potato’s and I popped them into the microwave. By the way, not to get too far off track, but I love microwaves! Admittedly I really only use it for three things: 1) Re-heating leftovers 2) Popping popcorn & 3) Baking potato’s, but aren’t they great? With the oil properly heated, I put the first tenderloins on and called the kids to clear and set the table. In between telling the kids what needs to be on the table, moderating their disagreements (who am I kidding, FIGHTS!) and telling Hope for the umpteenth time to NOT pick up the dog, I manage to burn the tenderloin in the smaller pan. I totally abandon the idea of trying to watch two pans while cooking and finished the rest in one pan without setting off our smoke-alarm.
We sit down to eat and I look up at the clock, it’s 7:10pm (I love to cook and I really enjoy doing it, but I am not and never have been quick about it), anyway, in the middle of supper, out comes Amy, just like a professional NASCAR driver coming into a pit stop, she pulls up to the table, prepares her plate, and heads back to bed. I’m looking around to see if she’s held her position against Jeff Gordon!
After supper the older two and I clear the table and I send Vinny off to take his shower. There were still a few tenderloins that I hadn’t cooked, so I go ahead and fry them up knowing they will be eaten for lunch tomorrow. Brittany retires upstairs to finish her homework and I send Trevor outside to walk the dog. I finish cleaning up the kitchen and wipe off the table. Vinny finishes his shower and I send Trevor in to take his. After all of this and the kids are off to bed, I finally have the chance to sit down. I look at the clock and it’s 9:00pm. I’m tired! I worked all day, came home fixed supper, cleaned up a bit (a very small bit) and saw the kids off to bed.
I truly don’t know how single parents who work full time do this day in and day out! I don’t think that I take what my wife does for granted, I’ve always been so grateful for all that she does and recognize her labors. But I will freely admit to having a certain amount of dependence upon the things that she does. Not because I can’t do them, but she does them better and with more efficiency than I ever could. By the way, Amy came in second, just behind number 24.
Let’s try an interactive inspiration today! Who can tell me why God desires our dependence upon him?
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
The other day, Amy called me at work and amongst other things, discussed what to have for supper that night. After several suggestions and either her or I turning our noses up at each, we finally decided on tenderloins. No, not beef tenderloin of steak, but rather the type were you take a butterflied pork chop, trim off the fat, pound it flat with a tenderizing hammer and dip it first in an egg wash and then in crushed saltines and fry them. Anyway, after work I went to the store, picked up the tenderloins and headed home. Upon arrival, I discovered that Amy was in bed and that she was not feeling well. I thought ‘Ah ha! Tonight will be a test to see how this will work when Amy is recovering from surgery and truly will not be able to get out of bed.' I changed clothes, looked at the clock (5:30pm) and set myself to task. I trimmed, split and flattened the tenderloins, set two fry pans on the stove, poured some oil into each and turned the burners on to heat the oil. Next, I made a quick decision between baked potato’s and oven French fries. Knowing that the French fries will take 26 min to cook (not to mention the 10 min to pre-heat the oven), I chose baked. So, I had our visiting niece scrub the potato’s and I popped them into the microwave. By the way, not to get too far off track, but I love microwaves! Admittedly I really only use it for three things: 1) Re-heating leftovers 2) Popping popcorn & 3) Baking potato’s, but aren’t they great? With the oil properly heated, I put the first tenderloins on and called the kids to clear and set the table. In between telling the kids what needs to be on the table, moderating their disagreements (who am I kidding, FIGHTS!) and telling Hope for the umpteenth time to NOT pick up the dog, I manage to burn the tenderloin in the smaller pan. I totally abandon the idea of trying to watch two pans while cooking and finished the rest in one pan without setting off our smoke-alarm.
We sit down to eat and I look up at the clock, it’s 7:10pm (I love to cook and I really enjoy doing it, but I am not and never have been quick about it), anyway, in the middle of supper, out comes Amy, just like a professional NASCAR driver coming into a pit stop, she pulls up to the table, prepares her plate, and heads back to bed. I’m looking around to see if she’s held her position against Jeff Gordon!
After supper the older two and I clear the table and I send Vinny off to take his shower. There were still a few tenderloins that I hadn’t cooked, so I go ahead and fry them up knowing they will be eaten for lunch tomorrow. Brittany retires upstairs to finish her homework and I send Trevor outside to walk the dog. I finish cleaning up the kitchen and wipe off the table. Vinny finishes his shower and I send Trevor in to take his. After all of this and the kids are off to bed, I finally have the chance to sit down. I look at the clock and it’s 9:00pm. I’m tired! I worked all day, came home fixed supper, cleaned up a bit (a very small bit) and saw the kids off to bed.
I truly don’t know how single parents who work full time do this day in and day out! I don’t think that I take what my wife does for granted, I’ve always been so grateful for all that she does and recognize her labors. But I will freely admit to having a certain amount of dependence upon the things that she does. Not because I can’t do them, but she does them better and with more efficiency than I ever could. By the way, Amy came in second, just behind number 24.
Let’s try an interactive inspiration today! Who can tell me why God desires our dependence upon him?
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Itching & Scratching
Someone much more famous than I once said, ‘If you have an itch, scratch it’. As I’m sure you have surmised, Amy is still itching. I sat and watched her scratch the soles of her feet last night, first with her nails and when that wasn’t sufficient, she switched to a butter knife and when even that failed to satiate her fervent need for release, she used her car keys and she went at it with such vengeance that I truly feared she might harm herself. I asked her to ‘Please, be careful’. The itching is actually so intense that it will wake her multiple times during the night and the routine ensues. She is taking a prescription strength anti-itch medicine, but that (pardon the pun), doesn’t even scratch the surface. This itching really has me feeling detached. If you know me well, you would know that I am a very touchy/feely guy (at least with my wife). There are times when I find myself needing to hold her hand, take her arm while we’re walking, put my arm around her, kiss her on the head or simply just touch her arm. As you can see, this incessant itching has put a real cramp in my style. I often find myself reaching out to touch her and then pulling up short, knowing what it might start. I once made the mistake of reaching out and lightly rubbed her back and she whipped her head around and gave me quite the look (pursed lips, eyes wide and bugged out)…guess I wont be doing that for awhile.
This whole itching and scratching thing got me to thinking, all of us go through life itching and scratching, sometimes clawing for something; fame, fortune, knowledge, whatever. Something, anything that defines our lives and gives us purpose. I find it interesting that most of those who base their definition or purpose in those pursuits listed above find that it’s not enough, not fulfilling, even empty. Why is that? I believe it is because when it is all said and done, none of that matters. I believe God set within each of us the desire to search him out. He doesn’t force us, but rather sets us off on a path that if followed to its end will lead to him. Ecclesiastes 3:11 puts it this way: “He has also set eternity in the hearts of men.” This is a simple statement with big implications. Think about it: this is why, throughout the entire course of history, humans everywhere have had longings for something that is yet to come. Intuitively, the human race knows there is something more than this life has to offer; there is something beyond the grave. God has set eternity in our hearts. That’s why we long for something lasting. Something only God can give to us. Where have you been scratching?
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
This whole itching and scratching thing got me to thinking, all of us go through life itching and scratching, sometimes clawing for something; fame, fortune, knowledge, whatever. Something, anything that defines our lives and gives us purpose. I find it interesting that most of those who base their definition or purpose in those pursuits listed above find that it’s not enough, not fulfilling, even empty. Why is that? I believe it is because when it is all said and done, none of that matters. I believe God set within each of us the desire to search him out. He doesn’t force us, but rather sets us off on a path that if followed to its end will lead to him. Ecclesiastes 3:11 puts it this way: “He has also set eternity in the hearts of men.” This is a simple statement with big implications. Think about it: this is why, throughout the entire course of history, humans everywhere have had longings for something that is yet to come. Intuitively, the human race knows there is something more than this life has to offer; there is something beyond the grave. God has set eternity in our hearts. That’s why we long for something lasting. Something only God can give to us. Where have you been scratching?
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
...Part 2
One major piece of info that I had left out in my previous posting is the fact that we switched surgeons and facilities in the middle of this process. The issue came down to this; the first surgeon was brand new, 6 months out of his residency and he’s performed the type of surgery Amy is facing 3 times in the past 6 months. Not to mention that he wanted to open her up, look to see how involved the tumor was with the intestinal vein and if it was too involved (wrapped), sew her back up and send her off to Mayo. Now I know many of you might think, ‘where is a surgeon supposed to gain his/her experience?’ All I can say to that is, not on my wife. In an article written at Johns Hopkins it is stated that the number 1 factor in patient survival for this surgery is surgical & facility experience. So, with the help of my brother-in-law, we pulled the trigger and moved across town to the University of Wisconsin Hospitals to a doctor who is well respected in his field, he is the chief of surgical oncology and he performs this surgery 2 to 3 times a week.
Now, shortly after our first visit with this new surgeon, Amy’s eyes and skin started to turn yellow and she started to itch...EVERYWHERE. The top of her head, the palms of her hands, in between her fingers, you name it, she itched. All of this was caused by jaundice and the doctors, wanting to clear this up before she starts her chemo, scheduled her to have a stint put into her bile duct to assist in the flow of bile. This procedure normally takes an hour, but Amy’s took a little over 2 hours. I asked the doctor why it took so long and he said that the tumor is attached to the bile duct and is actually pulling on it and that pulling made an ‘S’ curve in the duct which made it tricky to insert the stint.
4 days later and Amy’s is still itching (actually worse than ever), she calls the doctor, who has her go to our local clinic for a blood test. He calls in the afternoon and says that the test shows that her levels are normalizing and that the itching should taper off soon. Amy had quite a bit of pain following the procedure to insert the stint and she’s still recovering from that, she is easily fatigued and sleeps quite frequently.
This week has been a particularly difficult one for me. At times I find it SO very hard to see past the figures & statistics to the hope that lies beyond. It is difficult at best and a crushing weight at worst.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Now, shortly after our first visit with this new surgeon, Amy’s eyes and skin started to turn yellow and she started to itch...EVERYWHERE. The top of her head, the palms of her hands, in between her fingers, you name it, she itched. All of this was caused by jaundice and the doctors, wanting to clear this up before she starts her chemo, scheduled her to have a stint put into her bile duct to assist in the flow of bile. This procedure normally takes an hour, but Amy’s took a little over 2 hours. I asked the doctor why it took so long and he said that the tumor is attached to the bile duct and is actually pulling on it and that pulling made an ‘S’ curve in the duct which made it tricky to insert the stint.
4 days later and Amy’s is still itching (actually worse than ever), she calls the doctor, who has her go to our local clinic for a blood test. He calls in the afternoon and says that the test shows that her levels are normalizing and that the itching should taper off soon. Amy had quite a bit of pain following the procedure to insert the stint and she’s still recovering from that, she is easily fatigued and sleeps quite frequently.
This week has been a particularly difficult one for me. At times I find it SO very hard to see past the figures & statistics to the hope that lies beyond. It is difficult at best and a crushing weight at worst.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
Monday, March 06, 2006
Getting up to speed
This BLOG is dedicated to my wife Amy, she is my inspiration, my love, my best friend.
My name is Vince and I am writing this on behalf of my wife Amy. I work in operational and technical computer support for a major dairy cooperative in Wisconsin and Amy is a substitute teacher. We have 4 children; Brittany is 15, Trevor is 13, Vinny is 9 and Hope is 5. Brittany loves to sing and plays tennis on her high school tennis team. Trevor loves sports and actively plays Baseball, Basketball and Football, he loves the Boston Redsox and dreams of playing pro-baseball one day. Vinny is our quiet one, he’s very good at math and loves to watch TV, play video games and is a master of building anything with Lego’s. Hope, while 5 years old, really rules the roost. She may act like it, but isn’t in the least bit shy. She’s a girl through and through and loves to pretend that she’s Cinderella. She has a jar of pennies that she’s saving to ‘take us all to Disney’. I am 42 and Amy is 39.
This past November, Amy started to notice some pain in the upper portion of her stomach. This would come and go and sometimes the pain would be just a bother and others it would be intense. Being a mother and a substitute teacher, she really didn’t think too much of it, thinking that it probably was her Gall Bladder as she has had 2 sisters a brother & an aunt who have all had theirs removed. In December I pushed her into making an appointment to see her doctor and she scheduled an appointment for January 6th. She went in on the 6th of January and had an ultra-sound done and her doctor said that she would review the films and call her back in a couple of days with the results. The next day, the doctor called her back and told her that the ultra-sound revealed that her Gall Bladder was fine, but they also detected a ‘spot’ on her liver and that an appointment had been made for her to have a CT Scan done the next day. She went and had the CT Scan done and that same afternoon, her doctor called to say that the spot on her liver appears to be a benign spot but the CT Scan have revealed a ‘mass’ on her Pancreas and that she is to see a GI specialist the next day. We see the GI doctor and she is very puzzled because Amy doesn’t fit any of the usual precursors to explain why she would have what she called a Intraductal Pancreatic Mucinous Tumor; she isn’t over 60, she doesn’t smoke, she doesn’t drink alcohol and she isn’t African-American. She goes on to say that based on her age and the size of the tumor, she believes it to be pre-cancerous and that it needs to be removed because some year down the road it will become cancerous. The doctor orders some more tests/scans and this reveals that the tumor is wrapped around the main blood vessels that feed the intestines. At this point, the GI doctor refers us to the surgeon, so we meet with the surgeon and he seems to think that he can handle the tumor wrapped around the vein, but he wants a special scan done that will tell him how far around the tumor is wrapped and along with this scan, the scope can do a fine-needle-biopsy of the tumor. The results of the scan tells us that the tumor is a little more than 50% around the vein, but much more devastating is the news that she has Pancreas Adenocarcinoma (Pancreatic Cancer). Because of the fear that the cancer could spread throughout the body, the surgeon has elected to postpone removal of the tumor. They will put Amy through 6 weeks of intensive chemotherapy along with radiation treatments in hopes that the tumor will shrink enough for them to perform surgery (the surgery would remove most if not all of her pancreas, gall bladder, a portion of her intestine, her bile duct and possibly up to 40% of her stomach.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
My name is Vince and I am writing this on behalf of my wife Amy. I work in operational and technical computer support for a major dairy cooperative in Wisconsin and Amy is a substitute teacher. We have 4 children; Brittany is 15, Trevor is 13, Vinny is 9 and Hope is 5. Brittany loves to sing and plays tennis on her high school tennis team. Trevor loves sports and actively plays Baseball, Basketball and Football, he loves the Boston Redsox and dreams of playing pro-baseball one day. Vinny is our quiet one, he’s very good at math and loves to watch TV, play video games and is a master of building anything with Lego’s. Hope, while 5 years old, really rules the roost. She may act like it, but isn’t in the least bit shy. She’s a girl through and through and loves to pretend that she’s Cinderella. She has a jar of pennies that she’s saving to ‘take us all to Disney’. I am 42 and Amy is 39.
This past November, Amy started to notice some pain in the upper portion of her stomach. This would come and go and sometimes the pain would be just a bother and others it would be intense. Being a mother and a substitute teacher, she really didn’t think too much of it, thinking that it probably was her Gall Bladder as she has had 2 sisters a brother & an aunt who have all had theirs removed. In December I pushed her into making an appointment to see her doctor and she scheduled an appointment for January 6th. She went in on the 6th of January and had an ultra-sound done and her doctor said that she would review the films and call her back in a couple of days with the results. The next day, the doctor called her back and told her that the ultra-sound revealed that her Gall Bladder was fine, but they also detected a ‘spot’ on her liver and that an appointment had been made for her to have a CT Scan done the next day. She went and had the CT Scan done and that same afternoon, her doctor called to say that the spot on her liver appears to be a benign spot but the CT Scan have revealed a ‘mass’ on her Pancreas and that she is to see a GI specialist the next day. We see the GI doctor and she is very puzzled because Amy doesn’t fit any of the usual precursors to explain why she would have what she called a Intraductal Pancreatic Mucinous Tumor; she isn’t over 60, she doesn’t smoke, she doesn’t drink alcohol and she isn’t African-American. She goes on to say that based on her age and the size of the tumor, she believes it to be pre-cancerous and that it needs to be removed because some year down the road it will become cancerous. The doctor orders some more tests/scans and this reveals that the tumor is wrapped around the main blood vessels that feed the intestines. At this point, the GI doctor refers us to the surgeon, so we meet with the surgeon and he seems to think that he can handle the tumor wrapped around the vein, but he wants a special scan done that will tell him how far around the tumor is wrapped and along with this scan, the scope can do a fine-needle-biopsy of the tumor. The results of the scan tells us that the tumor is a little more than 50% around the vein, but much more devastating is the news that she has Pancreas Adenocarcinoma (Pancreatic Cancer). Because of the fear that the cancer could spread throughout the body, the surgeon has elected to postpone removal of the tumor. They will put Amy through 6 weeks of intensive chemotherapy along with radiation treatments in hopes that the tumor will shrink enough for them to perform surgery (the surgery would remove most if not all of her pancreas, gall bladder, a portion of her intestine, her bile duct and possibly up to 40% of her stomach.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V
