Thursday, November 30, 2006
Sick a clarification & a request
Stayed home sick from work today; I woke up and felt like a truck had hit me, muscles and joints sore, didn't eat very much...felt like the flu.
I need to clarify a statement I made the other day. The $180,000 I quoted in the use of a perspective to the Pizza Hut fundraiser, is not what I owe for those services. As I stated in that posting, I gathered this figure from the insurance statements we received during that time frame. This was pointed out to me as possibly misleading and I hope this clears that up.
Please pray for me. Without going into details (and don't ask, I'll remind you that this is an unspoken request and think you're a cad for asking!) I need wisdom, patience and the right words to deal with an issue...well, actually a couple of issues.
Tomorrow is Vinny's birthday and he'll turn 10! He'll be in the big double digits; I remember that was a big deal to me, going from a single digit age up to 2!
For the love of Amy - V
I need to clarify a statement I made the other day. The $180,000 I quoted in the use of a perspective to the Pizza Hut fundraiser, is not what I owe for those services. As I stated in that posting, I gathered this figure from the insurance statements we received during that time frame. This was pointed out to me as possibly misleading and I hope this clears that up.
Please pray for me. Without going into details (and don't ask, I'll remind you that this is an unspoken request and think you're a cad for asking!) I need wisdom, patience and the right words to deal with an issue...well, actually a couple of issues.
Tomorrow is Vinny's birthday and he'll turn 10! He'll be in the big double digits; I remember that was a big deal to me, going from a single digit age up to 2!
For the love of Amy - V
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Short note
Not much to say tonight, too tired. Today was better, I kept myself busy and didn't have too much alone time. The kids keep asking when we are going to set up the Christmas tree and I tell them the plan is to put it up this coming weekend. It will be interesting, we always did our decorating as a family; Amy and I would put the lights on together, the kids would hang the ornaments (with Amy putting the hooks on them) and then Amy would always place the Angel on top of the tree. All the other odds and ends (placement of candles, setting up the Christmas village and any outside decorating) was always my job.
For the love of Amy - V
For the love of Amy - V
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Pizza Hut final figures & future plans
Not such a good day today. I know that I will have them, bad days that is and I’m sure the kids will as well…I just wish it didn’t have to hurt so badly. I’ll be in the middle of something whether at home or at work and it just comes on me, no rhyme or reason.
I’ve been waiting for confirmation from the Waterloo/Cedar Falls Pizza Huts to reveal what was raised on November 16th and I feel confident that we have a firm figure now, between the Pizza Huts and Dairy Queen here is Baraboo, approximately $4750.00 were raised from sales. In addition, the Pizza Huts in Baraboo, Dairy Queen and Walnut Hill Bible church all had donation jars set out and these raised about $1770.00, so all together, there was about $6520.00 raised to help offset Amy’s medical expenses. To put this in perspective, I looked back at some of the insurance statements that came to us while Amy was going through the combo Radiation/Chemo treatments this past spring, one of these visits billed out at a little over $6000 and she went 5 days a week for 6 weeks. To do the quick math, that’s $180,000; that doesn’t include the cost of three stent replacements, the 7 ½ hour surgery, two hospital says of a week plus each, at least 10 ER visits, countless surgical and oncology clinic visits, 10 or so CT Scans, 3 or 4 MRI’s, post surgical chemo or the cost of her many many medications. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not complaining or even whining, if you’ve read the BLOG at all you’d know that I am very open. God has brought me here thus far, to stop trusting Him now when I need Him the most, would be the ultimate in foolishness. However, I’m telling you this because as the new year dawns, I know there will be at least one more fundraiser and I don’t want those of you who have been so generous to my family to scratch your heads and wonder what’s going on. This other fundraiser is being planned as a ‘tail-gate’ party and silent auction. It will be held here in Baraboo at the Baraboo Arts Center and we’re looking at the afternoon of Super Bowl Sunday (before the actual game). I have some very capable people helping coordinate this and it looks like we should be able to get some very nice packages and items together for this event. Please mark your calendars and plan to attend! For those of you who live farther away and can not attend, but would like to participate, I will be listing the auction items on-line and I’ll cover how this bidding will be handled at a later date. More details for this event will be forthcoming.
For the love of Amy - V
I’ve been waiting for confirmation from the Waterloo/Cedar Falls Pizza Huts to reveal what was raised on November 16th and I feel confident that we have a firm figure now, between the Pizza Huts and Dairy Queen here is Baraboo, approximately $4750.00 were raised from sales. In addition, the Pizza Huts in Baraboo, Dairy Queen and Walnut Hill Bible church all had donation jars set out and these raised about $1770.00, so all together, there was about $6520.00 raised to help offset Amy’s medical expenses. To put this in perspective, I looked back at some of the insurance statements that came to us while Amy was going through the combo Radiation/Chemo treatments this past spring, one of these visits billed out at a little over $6000 and she went 5 days a week for 6 weeks. To do the quick math, that’s $180,000; that doesn’t include the cost of three stent replacements, the 7 ½ hour surgery, two hospital says of a week plus each, at least 10 ER visits, countless surgical and oncology clinic visits, 10 or so CT Scans, 3 or 4 MRI’s, post surgical chemo or the cost of her many many medications. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not complaining or even whining, if you’ve read the BLOG at all you’d know that I am very open. God has brought me here thus far, to stop trusting Him now when I need Him the most, would be the ultimate in foolishness. However, I’m telling you this because as the new year dawns, I know there will be at least one more fundraiser and I don’t want those of you who have been so generous to my family to scratch your heads and wonder what’s going on. This other fundraiser is being planned as a ‘tail-gate’ party and silent auction. It will be held here in Baraboo at the Baraboo Arts Center and we’re looking at the afternoon of Super Bowl Sunday (before the actual game). I have some very capable people helping coordinate this and it looks like we should be able to get some very nice packages and items together for this event. Please mark your calendars and plan to attend! For those of you who live farther away and can not attend, but would like to participate, I will be listing the auction items on-line and I’ll cover how this bidding will be handled at a later date. More details for this event will be forthcoming.
For the love of Amy - V
Back to work
Today was my first day back, it was kind of weird at first, passing people in the halls, silently greeting them, but hearing the look in their eyes. Their eyes were loud, knowing, wanting to ask, but unsure how. I made it easier on them by flashing a quick smile and saying ‘Hi.’ I know and understand this will happen for a time, people care and honestly want to know how I am doing, but many be unsure if they should or how to approach me. As expected I had a ton of email, voice mail and snail mail to wade through. Add a meeting or two, my normal daily responsibilities and normal daily issues that crop up needing my immediate attention and the day went be rather quickly. It felt good to be back. Coming home was another matter all together. When Amy was alive, I would always call her on my way home and we’d chat for a few minutes, about my day, about what was for supper or what was in store for the evening. When I got home, I would always say, ‘Hello? I’m home.’ And Amy would always say, ‘Hi honey! I’m in here.’ I would search her out and we would hug and I would kiss her…always.
I had tried calling Trevor earlier (I gave him Amy’s cell phone) on his cell phone and was quite shocked to hear Amy’s voice still recorded for the voice mail and I actually called it twice more just to hear her voice…and while it crushed me to do it, I called and had it reset.
I’ve been reading in the book of James lately (one of my favorites!) when I came across the 22nd verse in chapter 1. I know that I’ve read this verse many many times before, but this time it practically jumped off the page (that’s what I like about reading the Bible; the fact that you can read and re-read a passage many different times and come away with new insights each time.) I digress, it says, ‘Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.’ There’s a lot in these two sentences and what is said is so basic, so foundational that just like me, if you’re reading through and ‘blink’, you could miss it. ‘Do not merely listen…’ Don’t simply…don’t just…don’t only listen. This tells me that we are expected to do more than just sit in a pew each Sunday and listen to the message or just read our daily devotions, there is an implication of action to be taken. And along with this is a warning that we do not deceive ourselves. We do this by listening to the Word of God, but fail to turn to it for honest counsel and guidance or by reading it and failing to apply what you’ve read to your own life. By merely ‘listening’ to the Word, we fail to ‘live’ the Word and we can only do that through study and application. Try approaching each passage by asking yourself, ‘What difference should this passage make in my life? How should it make me want to think or act?’ and then purposefully press yourself to enact these changes in your life. John 15:1-5 points out that we can not do what the Word says unless we are living intimately with Christ and drawing on His wisdom and power. Lastly, the second sentence says, ‘Do what it says.’ That’s pretty straight forward and really leaves no wiggle room for exceptions or exclusions.
For the love of Amy - V
I had tried calling Trevor earlier (I gave him Amy’s cell phone) on his cell phone and was quite shocked to hear Amy’s voice still recorded for the voice mail and I actually called it twice more just to hear her voice…and while it crushed me to do it, I called and had it reset.
I’ve been reading in the book of James lately (one of my favorites!) when I came across the 22nd verse in chapter 1. I know that I’ve read this verse many many times before, but this time it practically jumped off the page (that’s what I like about reading the Bible; the fact that you can read and re-read a passage many different times and come away with new insights each time.) I digress, it says, ‘Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.’ There’s a lot in these two sentences and what is said is so basic, so foundational that just like me, if you’re reading through and ‘blink’, you could miss it. ‘Do not merely listen…’ Don’t simply…don’t just…don’t only listen. This tells me that we are expected to do more than just sit in a pew each Sunday and listen to the message or just read our daily devotions, there is an implication of action to be taken. And along with this is a warning that we do not deceive ourselves. We do this by listening to the Word of God, but fail to turn to it for honest counsel and guidance or by reading it and failing to apply what you’ve read to your own life. By merely ‘listening’ to the Word, we fail to ‘live’ the Word and we can only do that through study and application. Try approaching each passage by asking yourself, ‘What difference should this passage make in my life? How should it make me want to think or act?’ and then purposefully press yourself to enact these changes in your life. John 15:1-5 points out that we can not do what the Word says unless we are living intimately with Christ and drawing on His wisdom and power. Lastly, the second sentence says, ‘Do what it says.’ That’s pretty straight forward and really leaves no wiggle room for exceptions or exclusions.
For the love of Amy - V
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Quiet
Well, the day finally came. As of 10 am today, my sister, her husband and their daughter left, leaving the kids and I alone in the house for the first time since October 29th. It’s quiet. Trevor is gone for the night, over to a friend’s house and Brittany has gone bowling with some of her friends and won’t be home until later. It's empty. Come Monday, I’ll return to work…time to resume my life, to press on. Please continue to remember me in your prayers. My sister ripped out a page of the devotional she was reading and left it for me to read and in this one page devotional, it talked about a panel of bereaving parents and one in particular who was struggling through the huge question of ‘why?’ when her own father told her the better question to inquire about is ‘who?’ We may never know why Amy was taken so early from us, but I have no doubt that pursuing who God is in the midst of the tragedy…in the midst of our pain, will bring healing, comfort and peace. Think of what this means to us in our situation. When we face unbearable grief and ask ‘who?’, 2 Corinthians 1:3 tells us: ‘The Father of mercies and God of all comfort.’ When we face weariness and are heavy burdened, we discover in Psalms 18:2 that, ‘the Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer.’ When the world looks bleak and unfairness seems overwhelming, Romans 16:20 tells us that the, ‘God of peace will crush Satan under our feet..’ And when ‘why, God?’ is on my heart and I move instead to ‘Who are you in all of this, God?’, where do I go?...I seek Him in His Word.
Psalm 38:9 - Lord, my desire is before you; and my sighing is not hidden from you.
For the love of Amy - V
Psalm 38:9 - Lord, my desire is before you; and my sighing is not hidden from you.
For the love of Amy - V
Friday, November 24, 2006
Early bird gets the worm...
Each year on the Friday following Thanksgiving, Amy, her three sisters, brother and their mother, would head out at the crack of dawn and hit the early bird specials and thus the official Christmas season would begin. The night before, each of them would pour over the ads, making lists and prioritizing purchases. Then they would put their heads together and formulate a plan…where to start and what time. Amy cherished that day, in part because she got to go shopping, but more importantly because she was with her mother and siblings and boy would they laugh and carry on...and that's what Amy enjoyed the most! This year, Brittany and I got up at 4:15 a.m. to make it to Kohl’s for their 5:00 a.m. opening. It was WAY too early and there were WAY too many people and we both wished that Amy could have been there, but we did have fun. After Kohl’s, we went and had breakfast together and then hit Wal-Mart; we were only gone for about 2 ½ hours, but that was enough for us!
Tonight, in Waterloo, Iowa, a memorial service was held in Amy’s honor. Mom called me and let me know that somewhere in excess of 400 people showed up. Being one of the busiest days in the year, I believe it provides a testament to exactly how well Amy was liked and respected. Below is a reading I prepared and had my brother-in-law (Randy) read in my absence:
Amy & I met in September of 1985, in the student union at the University of Northern Iowa in Cedar Falls. I had just returned from working all summer at a YMCA camp on Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire and had gone up to the University to look up some of my friends whom I hadn’t seen all summer. As I walked into the building, I spotted one of my friends sitting with someone I didn’t know. Heading their direction and being a male, I checked this other girl out and in essence this is what went on in my brain: …female…messed-up hair pulled back into ponytail…wearing sweats…looks sweaty…BIG owl like glasses…rather non-descript…final analysis: Plain Jane, not interested. I know, I know…’How shallow can this guy be’ and you’re right I was, but I’m here to tell you that is how the majority of young men think. Anyway, my friend introduces me to this girl and her name was Amy VanBesien. I say hello & discover that my friend and her work together at Showbiz Pizza. I finish my conversation with my friend and that was that. The very next day, I was sitting in the union at a large table with a number of my friends, chatting or playing cards when this girl approaches the table and says ‘Hi, guys!’ I look up and again, this in essence is what went on in my brain: WOW!...long wavy dark auburn hair!...beautiful green eyes!...nice makeup, not overstated…LONG legs!...final analysis: Wow! Who is this girl! I lean over to my same friend from yesterday and I say to her, ‘Who is that girl!’ and she looked at me weird and said, ‘That’s Amy, you know, from yesterday?’ and out loud I say, ‘NO WAY!’ Well, evidently the day before, Amy had just gotten out of Tennis class where she had gotten hit in the eye with a tennis ball. Hence the sweats, pulled back hair and BIG owl like glasses on. The difference in her appearance between the two days was SO striking that I was actually dumbfounded.
As of this past August 1st, we were married for twenty years and whether it is messed-up hair, wearing sweats & BIG owl like glasses like the first day we met or if she’s dressed to the nines, I loved Amy…I still do. If I had to do it all over again, I would gladly repeat every moment with her, only this time I’d cherish each minute…every moment I had with her. There simply are no words that adequately describe how deeply I miss Amy; every time I turn over in bed, she is gone…when I sit down to watch our favorite T.V. show, she is gone. I can never again touch her cheek…smell her hair…kiss her lips, this side of heaven. Through out this journey, God has been teaching me a lesson and preparing me for His purposes. The lesson He’s been gently trying to teach me is this: In the face of catastrophic events, in the midst of walking the deepest, darkest chasm of your life, cling to Him. In Hebrews 13:5 our Lord says ‘..Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ and where I know that is the truth, from my perspective, the days and months ahead seem bleak…the color has gone out of the world and everything is muted…dull. Amy brought light and vivid color to my life and to every life she touched. She brought texture and a depth to an otherwise non-descript canvas. Our experiences, the years we were blessed to have together and our love for each other filled that canvas with stark and vivid scenes which God painted with each stroke His plan, being the author and perfecter of our lives.
There is a huge, Amy sized hole in my heart that only time and God can fill. Matthew 11:28 tells us to: ‘Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest.’ And Isaiah 41:10 says ‘So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.’
I miss you my love and besides my salvation, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you for being a great wife and a great mother to our children. I count it an honor and a privilege to have known you and to have called you my wife…my friend…my love.
For the love of Amy - V
Tonight, in Waterloo, Iowa, a memorial service was held in Amy’s honor. Mom called me and let me know that somewhere in excess of 400 people showed up. Being one of the busiest days in the year, I believe it provides a testament to exactly how well Amy was liked and respected. Below is a reading I prepared and had my brother-in-law (Randy) read in my absence:
Amy & I met in September of 1985, in the student union at the University of Northern Iowa in Cedar Falls. I had just returned from working all summer at a YMCA camp on Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire and had gone up to the University to look up some of my friends whom I hadn’t seen all summer. As I walked into the building, I spotted one of my friends sitting with someone I didn’t know. Heading their direction and being a male, I checked this other girl out and in essence this is what went on in my brain: …female…messed-up hair pulled back into ponytail…wearing sweats…looks sweaty…BIG owl like glasses…rather non-descript…final analysis: Plain Jane, not interested. I know, I know…’How shallow can this guy be’ and you’re right I was, but I’m here to tell you that is how the majority of young men think. Anyway, my friend introduces me to this girl and her name was Amy VanBesien. I say hello & discover that my friend and her work together at Showbiz Pizza. I finish my conversation with my friend and that was that. The very next day, I was sitting in the union at a large table with a number of my friends, chatting or playing cards when this girl approaches the table and says ‘Hi, guys!’ I look up and again, this in essence is what went on in my brain: WOW!...long wavy dark auburn hair!...beautiful green eyes!...nice makeup, not overstated…LONG legs!...final analysis: Wow! Who is this girl! I lean over to my same friend from yesterday and I say to her, ‘Who is that girl!’ and she looked at me weird and said, ‘That’s Amy, you know, from yesterday?’ and out loud I say, ‘NO WAY!’ Well, evidently the day before, Amy had just gotten out of Tennis class where she had gotten hit in the eye with a tennis ball. Hence the sweats, pulled back hair and BIG owl like glasses on. The difference in her appearance between the two days was SO striking that I was actually dumbfounded.
As of this past August 1st, we were married for twenty years and whether it is messed-up hair, wearing sweats & BIG owl like glasses like the first day we met or if she’s dressed to the nines, I loved Amy…I still do. If I had to do it all over again, I would gladly repeat every moment with her, only this time I’d cherish each minute…every moment I had with her. There simply are no words that adequately describe how deeply I miss Amy; every time I turn over in bed, she is gone…when I sit down to watch our favorite T.V. show, she is gone. I can never again touch her cheek…smell her hair…kiss her lips, this side of heaven. Through out this journey, God has been teaching me a lesson and preparing me for His purposes. The lesson He’s been gently trying to teach me is this: In the face of catastrophic events, in the midst of walking the deepest, darkest chasm of your life, cling to Him. In Hebrews 13:5 our Lord says ‘..Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ and where I know that is the truth, from my perspective, the days and months ahead seem bleak…the color has gone out of the world and everything is muted…dull. Amy brought light and vivid color to my life and to every life she touched. She brought texture and a depth to an otherwise non-descript canvas. Our experiences, the years we were blessed to have together and our love for each other filled that canvas with stark and vivid scenes which God painted with each stroke His plan, being the author and perfecter of our lives.
There is a huge, Amy sized hole in my heart that only time and God can fill. Matthew 11:28 tells us to: ‘Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest.’ And Isaiah 41:10 says ‘So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.’
I miss you my love and besides my salvation, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you for being a great wife and a great mother to our children. I count it an honor and a privilege to have known you and to have called you my wife…my friend…my love.
For the love of Amy - V
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Giving Thanks...
Almost every culture in the world has held celebrations of thanks for a plentiful harvest. The American Thanksgiving holiday began as a feast of thanksgiving in the early days of the American colonies almost four hundred years ago. In 1620, a boat filled with more than one hundred people sailed across the Atlantic Ocean to settle in the New World. This religious group had begun to question the beliefs of the Church of England and they wanted to separate from it. The Pilgrims settled in what is now the state of Massachusetts. Their first winter in the New World was difficult. They had arrived too late to grow many crops, and without fresh food, half the colony died from disease. The following spring the Iroquois Indians taught them how to grow corn, a new food for the colonists. They showed them other crops to grow in the unfamiliar soil and how to hunt and fish. In the autumn of 1621, bountiful crops of corn, barley, beans and pumpkins were harvested. The colonists had much to be thankful for, so a feast was planned. They invited the local Indian chief and 90 Indians. The Indians brought deer to roast with the turkeys and other wild game offered by the colonists. The colonists had learned how to cook cranberries and different kinds of corn and squash dishes from the Indians. To this first Thanksgiving, the Indians had even brought popcorn, but it wasn’t until in 1863, at the end of a long and bloody civil war, Abraham Lincoln asked all Americans to set aside the last Thursday in November as a day of thanksgiving.
Today, I spent a great deal of time in reflection on the things that I have to be thankful for from this past year and while it’s been very bittersweet, I found that I have much to be thankful for:
1) Family. Amy and I are very blessed with the families that we have. The love and caring they have shown us and continue to show us has sustained us throughout this year.
2) Church and Community. The outpouring of generosity, support and deep concern that we as a family have received, simply goes beyond words to describe. I find it incredible and humbling and it makes me proud to belong to this community.
3) Wife. I am so very thankful that God’s plan for Amy’s life included me. We had twenty years together and while I can not say that every moment was a honeymoon dream, I can say that even through the tough times our love for each other grew. Although our plans were to grow old together and to watch our grandchildren grow up, it was not to be. I consider myself fortunate that I had the time that I did with her and I am richer for it.
4) God. While I list God last here, this is not where I place Him in perspective to my priorities. He prepared a very difficult journey for Amy and I to traverse this past year. I admit that I do have a lot of questions for Him as to why we needed to go through this and why He had to take her at such an young age, but He is good and I know that He will answer in His own time and in the meantime, He has granted me a modicum of peace. I am thankful to God for the blessings He has bestowed upon me and I know that He will continue to watch over the kids and I. I am thankful that He saw to it that Amy had no or relatively no pain in her last couple of days.
PSALM 100:4 - Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, And into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name!
EPHESIANS 5:20 - Giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 THESSALONIANS 5:18 - In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
No matter how dark and hopeless the situation may look…give thanks. This is God's will for all of us. Thank Him for the opportunity to see His deliverance. Thank Him for His mercy and grace. Thank Him for His faithfulness. Thank Him for defeating the devil and setting you free in Christ Jesus. Thank Him that Jesus is Lord. Thank Him that your name is written in the lambs book of life! Thank Him for loving you and taking good care of you.
For the love of Amy - V
Today, I spent a great deal of time in reflection on the things that I have to be thankful for from this past year and while it’s been very bittersweet, I found that I have much to be thankful for:
1) Family. Amy and I are very blessed with the families that we have. The love and caring they have shown us and continue to show us has sustained us throughout this year.
2) Church and Community. The outpouring of generosity, support and deep concern that we as a family have received, simply goes beyond words to describe. I find it incredible and humbling and it makes me proud to belong to this community.
3) Wife. I am so very thankful that God’s plan for Amy’s life included me. We had twenty years together and while I can not say that every moment was a honeymoon dream, I can say that even through the tough times our love for each other grew. Although our plans were to grow old together and to watch our grandchildren grow up, it was not to be. I consider myself fortunate that I had the time that I did with her and I am richer for it.
4) God. While I list God last here, this is not where I place Him in perspective to my priorities. He prepared a very difficult journey for Amy and I to traverse this past year. I admit that I do have a lot of questions for Him as to why we needed to go through this and why He had to take her at such an young age, but He is good and I know that He will answer in His own time and in the meantime, He has granted me a modicum of peace. I am thankful to God for the blessings He has bestowed upon me and I know that He will continue to watch over the kids and I. I am thankful that He saw to it that Amy had no or relatively no pain in her last couple of days.
PSALM 100:4 - Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, And into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name!
EPHESIANS 5:20 - Giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 THESSALONIANS 5:18 - In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
No matter how dark and hopeless the situation may look…give thanks. This is God's will for all of us. Thank Him for the opportunity to see His deliverance. Thank Him for His mercy and grace. Thank Him for His faithfulness. Thank Him for defeating the devil and setting you free in Christ Jesus. Thank Him that Jesus is Lord. Thank Him that your name is written in the lambs book of life! Thank Him for loving you and taking good care of you.
For the love of Amy - V
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Venturing out
Today was the first time I’ve really been out. I’ve been on short errands, but tonight I went to Wal-Mart and spent about an hour to an hour and a half shopping for necessities and things for Thanksgiving Day. It was hard…I would spot someone I or Amy knew and when our eyes met I could see the deep sadness there. This afternoon I had to pick up a roll of stamps and the gentleman (whom I didn’t recognize) behind the counter at the post office asked me how my wife was…I paused just a second, not quite sure how to answer, I finally said ‘She passed away…last week.’ An awkward moment, but he expressed his condolences.
I’ve noticed that I’ll be fine for awhile, even most of a day, but something will trigger a memory (a place, a sound…even a smell) and my sorrow returns. Sometimes the sorrow is heavy and weights me down and at other times it’s almost bearable. On one hand I want to be done with the sorrow, move on, be OK and on the other, I want to I want…need to be strong for the kids, especially the younger two, they look at me to see my reaction to things, but oh how I miss her.
Psalm 6:2-10 Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. No one remembers you when he is dead. Who praises you from the grave? I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes. Away from me, all you who do evil, for the LORD has heard my weeping. The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer. All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed; they will turn back in sudden disgrace.
Psalm 16:5-11 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
For the love of Amy - V
I’ve noticed that I’ll be fine for awhile, even most of a day, but something will trigger a memory (a place, a sound…even a smell) and my sorrow returns. Sometimes the sorrow is heavy and weights me down and at other times it’s almost bearable. On one hand I want to be done with the sorrow, move on, be OK and on the other, I want to I want…need to be strong for the kids, especially the younger two, they look at me to see my reaction to things, but oh how I miss her.
Psalm 6:2-10 Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. No one remembers you when he is dead. Who praises you from the grave? I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes. Away from me, all you who do evil, for the LORD has heard my weeping. The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer. All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed; they will turn back in sudden disgrace.
Psalm 16:5-11 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
For the love of Amy - V
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
A message of comfort
The day Amy passed away; Vinny pulled me aside and wanted to talk to me privately. Earlier, shortly after Amy had passed, I asked Vinny if he wanted to go into the bedroom and say good-bye to her. I assured him that I would be with him and at first he said that he would like to, but once we stepped into the bedroom, he said that he no longer wanted to and that she looked scary. So, I took him back out and told him that that was OK. So, we went to my bedroom (the funeral home came and took Amy, hours earlier) for our private chat. I asked Vinny what was on his mind and he told me that he heard momma’s voice. Our house was pretty full by then with relatives and people from church, so I told him that I wasn’t surprised that he mistook someone’s voice for Amy’s, but he was insistent and said ‘No! It was momma’s voice!’ Hearing the urgency in his own voice I reassured him and said that it was OK and that mommy wasn’t a ghost. Again, he shook his head and said ‘No, daddy, I heard her say, Vinny, I love you…it will be OK.’
Sometimes my human side, the side that doesn’t see hope, wonders if it will ever be OK again. And on my own, it probably wouldn’t be, but I have to rely on God and in His might power to help me…help the kids through this. There is not a minute that goes by that I don’t think of her…that I wish she was just in the other room.
Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
For the love of Amy - V
Sometimes my human side, the side that doesn’t see hope, wonders if it will ever be OK again. And on my own, it probably wouldn’t be, but I have to rely on God and in His might power to help me…help the kids through this. There is not a minute that goes by that I don’t think of her…that I wish she was just in the other room.
Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
For the love of Amy - V
Monday, November 20, 2006
Echoes of her life
Amy’s journey continues from here as her witness, the very echoes of her life, is used by God and impacts each and every one of us who knew her. Just as concentric circles move outward and become bigger from a pebble tossed into a pond, Amy’s life also was far reaching and ultimately only God knows her effect…her influence and the Holy Spirit will whisper and quicken many, many souls. And where this is Amy’s witness, it’s to God’s glory…to God’s honor…to God’s praise that her faith and strength of spirit spoke so loudly and with such clarity. Amy connected with SO many people, whether they were children, teens or adults. Blood relatives, church family or community friends, Amy took the time to make you feel special…to make you feel important…to make you feel loved.
Psalm 13 - How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 - Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
Isaiah 43:2 - When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
For the love of Amy - V
Psalm 13 - How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 - Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
Isaiah 43:2 - When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
For the love of Amy - V
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Laid to rest
Today we laid Amy to rest. The service was glorious! The songs and message honored both Amy and God. The sheer number of people and the distances that they drove was a true witness to the impact Amy had on people. Last night, one well-wisher told me that they had been thinking about Amy and the fact that she was a substitute teacher and that our savior too was a substitute and a teacher. He was the ultimate substitute, the pure…blemish free sacrifice for our sins. And the lessons he not only taught his disciples but whole crowds, even towns of people, changed the face of the world.
She loved and was well loved in return and while I will miss her every morning when I awake and every evening when I lay my head on my pillow, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that one day I will see her again. On that day she will be waiting at the gates of heaven with her arms open wide and a grand smile on her face and after we embrace, she’ll say ‘Come…I’ll take you to see Jesus!’ Oh, what a spectacular day that will be!
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
She loved and was well loved in return and while I will miss her every morning when I awake and every evening when I lay my head on my pillow, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that one day I will see her again. On that day she will be waiting at the gates of heaven with her arms open wide and a grand smile on her face and after we embrace, she’ll say ‘Come…I’ll take you to see Jesus!’ Oh, what a spectacular day that will be!
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
Friday, November 17, 2006
The Visitation
Today was Amy’s visitation. It was a VERY long day…I’m exhausted…spent physically and emotionally. There’s a part of me that still can not believe that she is gone…so young…so vibrant. Being Amy’s husband, I have always been aware of how special she was; she had a way about her that instantly connected with any child. And it didn’t matter if the child was more of a challenge; she took the time needed to nurture and make the child feel loved. And children loved her just as much; there were countless times that we’d run into a student while out shopping and the child would always run up to her and give her a big hug.
While I don’t have confirmed figures yet, people in Baraboo and Waterloo/Cedar Falls came out in hordes in support of Amy last night. There are confirmed reports that many locations ran out of dough and had to send someone to a nearby community (or two) to retrieve more supplies! Wait times ranged anywhere from 1 to 2 ½ hours! Some companies ordered pizza for the entire staff, some schools actually set aside their normal daily menus and had Pizza Hut cater lunch in for the students. What started out as a plan to raise a small amount of funds until the main fundraiser (to be held in Baraboo on Super Bowl Sunday), turned into this huge coordinated effort. My thanks goes out to ALL of those who helped make the night a smashing success!...I truly don’t think Pizza Hut knew what hit them! And I thank YOU …you showed up, ordered pizza and helped us out. Many of you do not know us, but that didn’t matter. You heard about Amy and reached out and showed us your compassion…My kids and I appreciate it and may God richly bless you for it.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
While I don’t have confirmed figures yet, people in Baraboo and Waterloo/Cedar Falls came out in hordes in support of Amy last night. There are confirmed reports that many locations ran out of dough and had to send someone to a nearby community (or two) to retrieve more supplies! Wait times ranged anywhere from 1 to 2 ½ hours! Some companies ordered pizza for the entire staff, some schools actually set aside their normal daily menus and had Pizza Hut cater lunch in for the students. What started out as a plan to raise a small amount of funds until the main fundraiser (to be held in Baraboo on Super Bowl Sunday), turned into this huge coordinated effort. My thanks goes out to ALL of those who helped make the night a smashing success!...I truly don’t think Pizza Hut knew what hit them! And I thank YOU …you showed up, ordered pizza and helped us out. Many of you do not know us, but that didn’t matter. You heard about Amy and reached out and showed us your compassion…My kids and I appreciate it and may God richly bless you for it.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
Thursday, November 16, 2006
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TREVOR!
The next 3 or 4 days are going to be long and exhausting as today is the Pizza Hut fundraiser, tomorrow is the visitation and Saturday is the funeral. If you are planning on eating at Pizza Hut in the Waterloo/Cedar Falls, Iowa or Baraboo, Wisconsin areas today, you can scroll down to the November 9th BLOG posting and print out a copy of the flier if you need. Dairy Queen in Baraboo has also decided to join in today as well and they will be donating 10% of today’s sales towards Amy's medical expenses.
The ebb and flow of well wishers has started to dwindle…all of the kids are back in school and life continues to move forward. Today is Trevor’s 14th birthday, so young and yet becoming quite the young man. I’m proud of you son and I promise to be the best dad I can be.
In Ecclesiastes 3 it says:
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
The ebb and flow of well wishers has started to dwindle…all of the kids are back in school and life continues to move forward. Today is Trevor’s 14th birthday, so young and yet becoming quite the young man. I’m proud of you son and I promise to be the best dad I can be.
In Ecclesiastes 3 it says:
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
The Whirlwind and the planning
Today was extremely long and exhausting as I went to bed late (2:30 am) and woke up to the phone ringing at 7:55 am. No one’s fault but my own as I stayed up contemplating the details of the funeral; I want this to be nice for Amy…she deserves nothing less. I met with my Pastor and the funeral director this morning and we went over the Obit and the fine details of the visitation and service, filled out some paperwork and discussed some other details. Afterward, two of my brother-in-laws and I went over to Walnut Hill Cemetery and chose the plot and settled on a color and style of headstone (although, I have yet to determine what I want to put on it. How can I adequately honor her on such a small space?)
Many, many calls and people coming and going…this is ALL such a whirlwind! People coming and taking the kids to lunch…play dates…shopping…some just to talk. In two weeks or less, when everyone goes back to their lives and the kids return to a more normal life, an emptiness…a strange quietness will settle over this house and even over our lives for a time…OH how I miss her! OH how blessed I feel for God bringing her into my life!
AMY S. HOWARD, BARABOO
Amy S. Howard, 39 of Baraboo, died Monday, November 13, 2006 after a courageous battle with pancreatic cancer. Amy was born in Waterloo, Iowa on January 14, 1967. She was a substitute teacher in the Baraboo School District and also worked seasonally for Land’s End for many years. She was an active member of Walnut Hill Bible Church where she taught Sunday school, worked with youth, and helped lead small group Bible studies. Amy was a member of the Baraboo Music Support Group as well as a member of the South School Parents Support Group. She was the daughter of Richard and Sandra Van Besien of Waterloo, Iowa and the wife of Vince Howard, having been married for 20 years.
In addition to her husband and parents, Amy is survived by her four children, Brittany-16, Trevor-14, Vinny-9, and Hope-5; four siblings, Kelly (Gene) Hansen, Mark (Deanna) Van Besien, and Bridgette (Jeff) Miller, all of Waterloo, and Sara (Dennis) Jordan of Cedar Rapids, Iowa; her maternal grandmother, Mildred Howe of Waterloo, other relatives and many friends.
Visitation will be held on Friday, November 17, 2006 from 4:00 p.m. until 8:00 p.m. at the Walnut Hill Bible Church, 1900 East Street, in Baraboo; and on Saturday, November 18, 2006, at the church, from 9:30 a.m. until the time of funeral services which will begin at 10:30 a.m. with Pastor David Hutchens officiating. Interment will follow in the Walnut Hill Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to the family to be used in establishing a trust fund for the children’s education. The Redlin Funeral Home in Baraboo is assisting with arrangements.
Here is a map to Walnut Hill Bible Church. I have marked the major roadways into town in GREEN and the location of the church with a RED cross.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
Many, many calls and people coming and going…this is ALL such a whirlwind! People coming and taking the kids to lunch…play dates…shopping…some just to talk. In two weeks or less, when everyone goes back to their lives and the kids return to a more normal life, an emptiness…a strange quietness will settle over this house and even over our lives for a time…OH how I miss her! OH how blessed I feel for God bringing her into my life!
AMY S. HOWARD, BARABOO
Amy S. Howard, 39 of Baraboo, died Monday, November 13, 2006 after a courageous battle with pancreatic cancer. Amy was born in Waterloo, Iowa on January 14, 1967. She was a substitute teacher in the Baraboo School District and also worked seasonally for Land’s End for many years. She was an active member of Walnut Hill Bible Church where she taught Sunday school, worked with youth, and helped lead small group Bible studies. Amy was a member of the Baraboo Music Support Group as well as a member of the South School Parents Support Group. She was the daughter of Richard and Sandra Van Besien of Waterloo, Iowa and the wife of Vince Howard, having been married for 20 years.
In addition to her husband and parents, Amy is survived by her four children, Brittany-16, Trevor-14, Vinny-9, and Hope-5; four siblings, Kelly (Gene) Hansen, Mark (Deanna) Van Besien, and Bridgette (Jeff) Miller, all of Waterloo, and Sara (Dennis) Jordan of Cedar Rapids, Iowa; her maternal grandmother, Mildred Howe of Waterloo, other relatives and many friends.
Visitation will be held on Friday, November 17, 2006 from 4:00 p.m. until 8:00 p.m. at the Walnut Hill Bible Church, 1900 East Street, in Baraboo; and on Saturday, November 18, 2006, at the church, from 9:30 a.m. until the time of funeral services which will begin at 10:30 a.m. with Pastor David Hutchens officiating. Interment will follow in the Walnut Hill Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to the family to be used in establishing a trust fund for the children’s education. The Redlin Funeral Home in Baraboo is assisting with arrangements.
Here is a map to Walnut Hill Bible Church. I have marked the major roadways into town in GREEN and the location of the church with a RED cross.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
Monday, November 13, 2006
Journey's End...
This morning I awoke at 5:40 am to Amy’s breathing…raspy…gurgling. I turned towards her and said, ‘Amy…Amy, you need to cough honey.’ Her weak attempt did nothing to clear what I perceived was a clogged throat and I knew it was more than just a simple phlegm issue. I got up and called my sister and her husband (who is a physician) who are staying here, into our room. My brother-in-law confirmed my fears, Amy’s lungs were filling with liquid. They asked me if I wanted to call Hospice and I told them yes and asked if someone would call them for me. I tried to get Amy’s attention again and asked her if she was in any pain and through the bubbling in her throat, she said no, she wasn’t. Hearing the audible results of her lungs filling up, I pressed her and asked if she wanted some Morphine and she answered by saying ‘No Morphine.’ I had my brother-in-law call Amy’s mother, who was staying at the hotel and tell her she should come soon. After Amy’s mother and older sister came, tears were shed and words were spoken to Amy; words of love…words about happier times. Brittany and Trevor were called down and they sat with her for awhile and Brittany read to Amy from the Bible. Trevor decided to go to school and Brittany wanted to stay with her mom. We sang hymns to Amy and around 8:05 am, Amy’s breathing changed. It became shallower and each breath was spaced out longer. We stopped singing and I leaned in close and told her; ‘Amy…I love you…I will ALWAYS love you! It’s OK to go to Jesus…The kids and I will be OK…’ She took two more labored breaths and she was gone…
My heart is crushed…I miss her deeply and but for God’s providence, friends and family I truly do not know how I will go on without her. I know now what it means when the scriptures say; ‘..and the two shall become one flesh.’ She completed me and I her. There is a large part of me that is gone and I ache. Her laugh…touch…tears…voice will not be experienced again this side of heaven and the world is less bright because of it.
I truly take comfort in the fact that I know I will see her again someday in heaven and that prompts me to ask, if any of you were to pass away tonight, are you confident of where you would spend eternity? Are you comfortable with your answer? I’m not here passing judgment or pointing fingers, but if you’re not confident…if there’s any doubt, you can be sure. John 3:16 says: ‘For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that who so ever believeth in Him, shall not perish, but have eternal life.’ …if you’re not sure, do not wait…life is fleeting and no one is guaranteed a tomorrow.
While Amy’s earthly journey has come to an end, I do intent to continue with this blog at least for a time. Where I go from here and what I will relate has yet to be determined, but the richness of Amy’s life and the experiences we have shared have not even begun to be tapped.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
My heart is crushed…I miss her deeply and but for God’s providence, friends and family I truly do not know how I will go on without her. I know now what it means when the scriptures say; ‘..and the two shall become one flesh.’ She completed me and I her. There is a large part of me that is gone and I ache. Her laugh…touch…tears…voice will not be experienced again this side of heaven and the world is less bright because of it.
I truly take comfort in the fact that I know I will see her again someday in heaven and that prompts me to ask, if any of you were to pass away tonight, are you confident of where you would spend eternity? Are you comfortable with your answer? I’m not here passing judgment or pointing fingers, but if you’re not confident…if there’s any doubt, you can be sure. John 3:16 says: ‘For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that who so ever believeth in Him, shall not perish, but have eternal life.’ …if you’re not sure, do not wait…life is fleeting and no one is guaranteed a tomorrow.
While Amy’s earthly journey has come to an end, I do intent to continue with this blog at least for a time. Where I go from here and what I will relate has yet to be determined, but the richness of Amy’s life and the experiences we have shared have not even begun to be tapped.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
Friday, November 10, 2006
Learning to be cared for
As each day comes, I cherish the moments when Amy looks at me and smiles…or she wraps her arms around my neck when I help her stand and I get to hold her close; hugging her tightly, I kiss her neck…or when I walk into the room and she raises her head and says ‘Hey, you!’. Suddenly every argument seems trivial… every harsh word, angry outburst and spiteful deed, shaming. Did it really matter? No…Love matters! It’s almost frightening to get to this point in our lives…in this journey…and realize that the depth and richness of my love for Amy can cause me pain. I love her SO much that it hurts me to see her hurt.
2 Corinthians 1:4 - Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
When one of my children’s feelings gets hurt, I tell them they are special. When one of them gets injured, I do whatever it takes to make them feel better. When one of them is afraid, I won’t go to sleep until I know they feel secure.
I’m not a hero…I’m a parent. When a child hurts, a parent does what comes naturally, they help…
Why then is it that I don’t let my Father do for me what I am more than willing to do for my own children?
I’m learning…being a father is teaching me that when I’m criticized, injured or afraid, there is a Father who is ready to comfort me. There is a Father who will hold me until I’m better, help me until I can live with the hurt and who won’t go to sleep when I’m afraid of waking up and seeing the dark…ever.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
2 Corinthians 1:4 - Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
When one of my children’s feelings gets hurt, I tell them they are special. When one of them gets injured, I do whatever it takes to make them feel better. When one of them is afraid, I won’t go to sleep until I know they feel secure.
I’m not a hero…I’m a parent. When a child hurts, a parent does what comes naturally, they help…
Why then is it that I don’t let my Father do for me what I am more than willing to do for my own children?
I’m learning…being a father is teaching me that when I’m criticized, injured or afraid, there is a Father who is ready to comfort me. There is a Father who will hold me until I’m better, help me until I can live with the hurt and who won’t go to sleep when I’m afraid of waking up and seeing the dark…ever.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
Thursday, November 09, 2006
The Waterloo/Cedar Falls Flier
The picture above is of the family of Vince and Amy Howard, who currently live in Baraboo, WI. Amy was born and raised in Waterloo IA, graduating from Columbus High School and UNI. Amy’s parents, Dick and Sandy VanBesien, and much of their family reside in the Waterloo/Cedar Falls area.
This past February, Amy was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at the age of 39. Amy has managed to undergo an initial round of radiation and chemotherapy, and a successful surgery to remove the tumor. As she battles this life-threatening disease, the associated medical expenses have been staggering – especially when you consider (as seen in the picture above) that the Howards have four children, ranging in ages from 16 to 5, to support on what is now one income. That is why we, the “Family and Friends of Amy”, would appreciate your support in raising funds to help the Howards.
Pizza Hut locations in Waterloo and Cedar Falls have graciously consented to name THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 16 as “Support Amy Day”.
ON THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 16, place a dine-in, carryout, or delivery order to any of the Pizza Hut locations below. Present this flyer – VERY IMPORTANT!! When you present this flyer, Pizza Hut will donate 20% of your order in support of Amy’s fight. Enjoy delicious Pizza Hut products, and help Amy and the Howard family. What could be better?! Pass this on to as many people as you can. THANK YOU!!!
LOCATIONS
Waterloo
2825 Crossroads Blvd 233-0120
714 LaPorte Road 233-5600
1130 Ansborough 234-5583
Cedar Falls
6130 University Ave 277-3661
1612 W 1st St 266-1300
The Baraboo Flier
Friends & Neighbors, the picture above is of the family of Vince and Amy Howard, who have lived in Baraboo since the fall of 1997. Both Amy and Vince have involved themselves in many civic and church related organizations (Baraboo Boys Club Basketball, Baraboo Music Support Group and South School Parents Support Group just to name a few). Amy is a substitute teacher in the Baraboo School District and has had the privilege of educating many of your children.
This past February at the age of 39, Amy was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. Amy has undergone an initial round of radiation and chemotherapy, surgery to remove the tumor and has started a second round of chemotherapy in her continuing battle with this life-threatening disease. Because of its debilitating nature, Amy has not been able to work since this past February. As one would expect, the medical expenses associated with this disease are staggering – especially when you consider that the Howards have four children, ranging in ages from 16 to 5, to support on what is now one income. That is why we, the “Family and Friends of Amy”, ask for your support in raising funds to help the Howards. Our local Pizza Huts here in Baraboo have graciously consented to name THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 16th as “Support Amy Day”. Pizza Hut will donate a generous portion of that day’s sales in support of Amy’s fight.
Please remember this date and invite your families, friends, neighbors and co-workers to come in, pick up or order for delivery Pizza Hut pizza, salad, pasta, sandwiches - - whatever you want - - and help Amy and the Howard family. The more people we get to participate, the more you and Pizza Hut can help!
In order for Pizza Hut to properly apply this donation, PLEASE print/copy this flier and present it at the time you place your order.
PLEASE help us spread the word! Pass this email on to your friends and family, print out a handful of these fliers and set them in the break room at work, spread the word through your church, your civic organization or club!
Thank you and God bless you, “Family and Friends of Amy”
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Mobilized
Just a short note tonight...too tired...too drained. As expected, family and friends are calling and visiting. Offering help...food...resources...rooms for family. Thank you for that.
The fund raisers are pressing forward and by the way I hear it, Iowa is very mobilized for the Pizza Hut night on the 16th.
Please pray for strength and clarity...for Amy...for the kids...for me
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
The fund raisers are pressing forward and by the way I hear it, Iowa is very mobilized for the Pizza Hut night on the 16th.
Please pray for strength and clarity...for Amy...for the kids...for me
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
I'm not done...
God is a specialist when the anguish is deep. His ability to heal the soul is profound! But, only those who rely on His wounded Son will experience relief…
This morning Amy had an appointment to get more fluid withdrawn and got up to get ready before I would have to leave for work. I helped her into the bathroom and into the shower and waited patiently while she cleansed herself. As she shut off the water, I went to grab a towel for her when she said something about her legs and just that quick…she collapsed in a heap in the tub. She was less than 2 feet in front of me and I couldn’t even help her and if it weren’t for her falling straight down (and God’s protection), she could very well have careened off the wall of the shower and crashed onto the lip of the tub…that would have been VERY bad. Amy was in the tub on her knees and barely had the strength to keep her body from falling backward. I climbed in behind her and tried simply muscling her back into a standing position…this failed miserably as her legs had absolutely no strength and she was just dead weight. By this time, her mother had come in and the two of us still could not get her back onto her feet. Finally, with Brittany’s help, we got Amy up onto the edge of the tub, swung her legs over the lip and lifted her into the wheelchair. Amy’s fortunate that she wasn’t more seriously hurt, but I’m certain she’ll be quite stiff and bruised.
On the way to Madison, we called ahead and asked if Dr. Mulkerin could see Amy today as we wanted him to be aware of her fall, the nurse said that she would check and get back to us. It wasn’t until Amy was just starting the pre-Paracentesis process that they called and said that Dr. Mulkerin could see Amy in about 30 minutes, if she could make it then. So, we got Amy back up and into the wheelchair and took her to see Dr. M…When he came into the room, he asked a battery of questions like, ‘how well have you been eating’, ‘any vomiting’, ‘how are your energy levels’, etc. He then went on to say that despite last weeks reports that she was eating well, it’s obvious by looking at her that she’s malnourished and that she’s been on the blood thinners long enough now that we should have seen results of her improving…but we haven’t. Instead, we have seen evidence of the opposite; weak, malnourished, can’t stand on her own, dehydration, etc. These are all signs that the cancer is back and that with the weakened state that she’s in if she were to have a medical incident, it would be life threatening. I asked him to define this and he said that it could be as simple as a cold or another fall to a virus or infection. Amy’s mom asked what about putting her back on chemo and he said doing that would kill her. I then asked him for his honest, trained assessment of the time he thought she had left. He thought long about that and said that looking at her rapid decline and the fact that she hasn’t gotten any better, he thought a major medical event could happen in two weeks. I then asked him what if she didn’t have a major medical event, how long? He thought about that again and said that she could see Thanksgiving, but more than likely, not Christmas.
I’m not done
Not done running my fingers through her hair
Not done smelling the sweetness of her skin
Not done touching her smooth, soft cheek
Not done snuggling in and holding her close
Not done laughing and playing silly games
Not done walking the dog together late at night
Not done sitting and just chatting
Not done having our quite time together
Not done kissing the nape of your neck
Not done feeling your cold feet on mine
Not done growing old with you
I’m not done loving you
After we got home, we gathered the kids into our bedroom and told them the news. This was the single most difficult thing I’ve ever done. How do you tell your kids that their mother won’t see them graduate or go off on their own? How do you tell your kids that their mother won’t see them married or see her first grandchild? There were many tears…it’s just SO difficult.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
This morning Amy had an appointment to get more fluid withdrawn and got up to get ready before I would have to leave for work. I helped her into the bathroom and into the shower and waited patiently while she cleansed herself. As she shut off the water, I went to grab a towel for her when she said something about her legs and just that quick…she collapsed in a heap in the tub. She was less than 2 feet in front of me and I couldn’t even help her and if it weren’t for her falling straight down (and God’s protection), she could very well have careened off the wall of the shower and crashed onto the lip of the tub…that would have been VERY bad. Amy was in the tub on her knees and barely had the strength to keep her body from falling backward. I climbed in behind her and tried simply muscling her back into a standing position…this failed miserably as her legs had absolutely no strength and she was just dead weight. By this time, her mother had come in and the two of us still could not get her back onto her feet. Finally, with Brittany’s help, we got Amy up onto the edge of the tub, swung her legs over the lip and lifted her into the wheelchair. Amy’s fortunate that she wasn’t more seriously hurt, but I’m certain she’ll be quite stiff and bruised.
On the way to Madison, we called ahead and asked if Dr. Mulkerin could see Amy today as we wanted him to be aware of her fall, the nurse said that she would check and get back to us. It wasn’t until Amy was just starting the pre-Paracentesis process that they called and said that Dr. Mulkerin could see Amy in about 30 minutes, if she could make it then. So, we got Amy back up and into the wheelchair and took her to see Dr. M…When he came into the room, he asked a battery of questions like, ‘how well have you been eating’, ‘any vomiting’, ‘how are your energy levels’, etc. He then went on to say that despite last weeks reports that she was eating well, it’s obvious by looking at her that she’s malnourished and that she’s been on the blood thinners long enough now that we should have seen results of her improving…but we haven’t. Instead, we have seen evidence of the opposite; weak, malnourished, can’t stand on her own, dehydration, etc. These are all signs that the cancer is back and that with the weakened state that she’s in if she were to have a medical incident, it would be life threatening. I asked him to define this and he said that it could be as simple as a cold or another fall to a virus or infection. Amy’s mom asked what about putting her back on chemo and he said doing that would kill her. I then asked him for his honest, trained assessment of the time he thought she had left. He thought long about that and said that looking at her rapid decline and the fact that she hasn’t gotten any better, he thought a major medical event could happen in two weeks. I then asked him what if she didn’t have a major medical event, how long? He thought about that again and said that she could see Thanksgiving, but more than likely, not Christmas.
I’m not done
Not done running my fingers through her hair
Not done smelling the sweetness of her skin
Not done touching her smooth, soft cheek
Not done snuggling in and holding her close
Not done laughing and playing silly games
Not done walking the dog together late at night
Not done sitting and just chatting
Not done having our quite time together
Not done kissing the nape of your neck
Not done feeling your cold feet on mine
Not done growing old with you
I’m not done loving you
After we got home, we gathered the kids into our bedroom and told them the news. This was the single most difficult thing I’ve ever done. How do you tell your kids that their mother won’t see them graduate or go off on their own? How do you tell your kids that their mother won’t see them married or see her first grandchild? There were many tears…it’s just SO difficult.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
Mark your calendars!
Amy is filling up with fluid again and her mother will be taking her to get drained tomorrow. While there, they will ask about putting in a shunt so she doesn’t have to go in every 5 days or so. We met with a person from our local Hospice provider this afternoon. It was informative and I can see where some of the offerings can/will be beneficial, but she made it plain that their approach was strictly palliative with the focus on keeping Amy comfortable and to provide nursing services…not curative or treatments to prolong life. They were careful not to say that Amy was indeed terminal, but it was obvious that their purpose is to make a person comfortable until the end OR until the person recovers enough to no longer need their services.
Now, some friends and family have coordinated an effort to raise donations to help offset Amy’s medical expenses. The first of two events will be held on NOVEMBER 16th, 2006. Pizza Huts in Waterloo/Cedar Falls, Iowa and Baraboo, Wisconsin have generously agreed to donate 20% of all proceeds for that day in support of Amy’s battle against Pancreatic Cancer. Eat-in, Carry-out or Delivery, it doesn’t matter. In a few days I will post a coupon/flier and this flier must accompany your order on Nov 16th in order for Pizza Hut to know if an order is in support of Amy or not. It’s important to know that all funds do not go directly to Amy and I. Rather, they go to a firm that manages trusts and funds of this nature. So, if you’re so inclined, spread the word!
Thank you for your prayers, your kind thoughts and your support
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
Now, some friends and family have coordinated an effort to raise donations to help offset Amy’s medical expenses. The first of two events will be held on NOVEMBER 16th, 2006. Pizza Huts in Waterloo/Cedar Falls, Iowa and Baraboo, Wisconsin have generously agreed to donate 20% of all proceeds for that day in support of Amy’s battle against Pancreatic Cancer. Eat-in, Carry-out or Delivery, it doesn’t matter. In a few days I will post a coupon/flier and this flier must accompany your order on Nov 16th in order for Pizza Hut to know if an order is in support of Amy or not. It’s important to know that all funds do not go directly to Amy and I. Rather, they go to a firm that manages trusts and funds of this nature. So, if you’re so inclined, spread the word!
Thank you for your prayers, your kind thoughts and your support
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
Saturday, November 04, 2006
A matter of perspective
Amy slept most of the day today. She did watch football off and on between sleeping and stayed awake long enough to eat and visit a little. She’s been asking to see family and as such, her brother Mark and his family (wife DeeDee and son’s Jacob and Josh) are up here until Sunday. This is kind of a two-edged sword as it brings her joy to see those she loves, but through self-imposed expectations and energy expended, it can leave her drained as well.
It is vital that we pray, armed with the knowledge that God is in heaven. Pray with any lesser conviction and our prayers are timid…hollow…lukewarm. But spend some time walking in the workshop of the heavens, seeing what God has done and watch how your prayers will be energized…Behold the sun! For each square yard, the sun is constantly producing 130,000 horse power (the equivalent of 450 eight-cylinder engines.) And yet as powerful as our sun is, it is but one minor star amongst the 100 billion orbs which make up our Milky Way galaxy. Now, if you take a dime, hold it between your thumb and index finger and extend it at arms length towards the sky, allowing it to eclipse your vision…you will block out fifteen million stars from your view. Psalms 19:1 says, ‘The Heavens tell of the glory of God.’ By showing us the heavens, God is showing us His workshop…He taps us on the shoulder and says, ‘Your Father can handle that for you.’
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
It is vital that we pray, armed with the knowledge that God is in heaven. Pray with any lesser conviction and our prayers are timid…hollow…lukewarm. But spend some time walking in the workshop of the heavens, seeing what God has done and watch how your prayers will be energized…Behold the sun! For each square yard, the sun is constantly producing 130,000 horse power (the equivalent of 450 eight-cylinder engines.) And yet as powerful as our sun is, it is but one minor star amongst the 100 billion orbs which make up our Milky Way galaxy. Now, if you take a dime, hold it between your thumb and index finger and extend it at arms length towards the sky, allowing it to eclipse your vision…you will block out fifteen million stars from your view. Psalms 19:1 says, ‘The Heavens tell of the glory of God.’ By showing us the heavens, God is showing us His workshop…He taps us on the shoulder and says, ‘Your Father can handle that for you.’
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
Friday, November 03, 2006
Our Defender
This has been a rough week. I have sat back and watched Amy relinquish control of several things and while I know these small surrenders may only last for a season, It’s hard to watch the one you promised to cherish and to hold go through this.
Amy has struggled with some very harsh vomiting the past two mornings. These bouts leave her weak, exhausted and her throat raw.
Psalm 62:6 – He is my defender, I will NOT be defeated.
Here is a very direct question. What is God doing when we are in a bind? When the lifeboat springs a leak? When the parachute fails to open? When the last penny is gone before the last bill is paid?... I know what we’re doing, biting our nails like corn on the cob…Pacing floors…Possibly even ignoring the incessantly ringing phone. But what does God do?...He fights for us. He steps into the ring, points us to our corner and takes over. Exodus 14:14 says so, ‘The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.’ His job is to defend, our only job is to be still…to trust. It takes a great deal of faith and trust to allow someone to take over for you, to relinquish control and input and fully trust that they will act in your best interest. No direction…second guessing or questioning. Just trust, pray and wait.
Joshua 1:9 – ‘Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.’
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
Amy has struggled with some very harsh vomiting the past two mornings. These bouts leave her weak, exhausted and her throat raw.
Psalm 62:6 – He is my defender, I will NOT be defeated.
Here is a very direct question. What is God doing when we are in a bind? When the lifeboat springs a leak? When the parachute fails to open? When the last penny is gone before the last bill is paid?... I know what we’re doing, biting our nails like corn on the cob…Pacing floors…Possibly even ignoring the incessantly ringing phone. But what does God do?...He fights for us. He steps into the ring, points us to our corner and takes over. Exodus 14:14 says so, ‘The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.’ His job is to defend, our only job is to be still…to trust. It takes a great deal of faith and trust to allow someone to take over for you, to relinquish control and input and fully trust that they will act in your best interest. No direction…second guessing or questioning. Just trust, pray and wait.
Joshua 1:9 – ‘Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.’
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Palliative suggestions
Amy had an appointment with her Oncologist today. Dr. Mulkerin was back and she was happy to see him. Previous to seeing him, she had more blood work done and the results showed a slight decline in liver function since last week. Amy took the opportunity to get caught up with him and his opinion about her health and he reiterated that they continue to see no evidence of cancer recurrence. He cautioned her that in her weakened state that she must be extremely careful, that even contracting a simple cold could put her in the hospital in intensive care. He also wants us to consider in house Hospice care…I’m not sure what to think about this, I will really have to think about it and pray. He also prescribed a walker with a tray and a foam wedge for her to use in bed to help her sit up more easily. He also asked her if she’d like a hospital bed at home…at this point she started to cry and blinking back tears she answered him, ‘No…I think that will be too much for the kids…’
Amy continues to eat well (she lost 1lb this week), but she sleeps/naps a lot. To be fair, she is up quite a bit during the night, so maybe it balances itself out.
Psalms 91:1-2 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
Dear Heavenly Father,
when all is darkness and we feel our weakness and helplessness, give us the sense of Your presence, Your love, and Your strength. Help us to have perfect trust in Your protecting love and strengthening power, so that we may endure the weight of this journey, and through clinging to the cross and searching you out, we shall see Your hand...Your purpose...Your will through all of this.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
Amy continues to eat well (she lost 1lb this week), but she sleeps/naps a lot. To be fair, she is up quite a bit during the night, so maybe it balances itself out.
Psalms 91:1-2 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
Dear Heavenly Father,
when all is darkness and we feel our weakness and helplessness, give us the sense of Your presence, Your love, and Your strength. Help us to have perfect trust in Your protecting love and strengthening power, so that we may endure the weight of this journey, and through clinging to the cross and searching you out, we shall see Your hand...Your purpose...Your will through all of this.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Nothin' new
Nothing really new today. Amy sees her oncologist tomorrow, so it will be interesting to hear what he has to say and I'll be excited to hear if Amy has continued to gain weight. Please continue to pray for the kids, especially the older two as we see evidence that this is take a greater toll on them than first believed.
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V
