Amy's 'momentary trouble'

Well, we are off to Iowa for a few days of R & R away from home. Amy's aunt Betty & uncle Bob will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary with a special ceremony and Amy wouldn't have missed it for the world! Also, we will be getting together with my family and then having a pre-4th celebration on the 3rd. As you can see a VERY busy weekend and I will have to make sure that Amy rests often and doesn't over do it. The last two days have been pretty good for Amy and she has been fairly active.

Because we're gone through July 4th, I may not get the chance to post everyday. If that happens, please have a safe and enjoyable independence Day!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

I’ve been wondering about the start of Amy’s upcoming chemo treatments lately (July 10th). She’s been having about one good day to every two or three bad days, her energy levels continue to be depleted and we are still trying to determine what she can and can not eat. Then I think back and remember how sick she got during her last round of chemo treatment. I must admit that this concerns me and I would ask that you would join me in praying that I’m concerned for nothing and that these treatments wouldn’t relegate her to her bed.

When I see you
My step quickens
My mind remembers the beauty of your face
My eyes drink you in

When I touch you
My breath catches in my throat
My heart pounds 600 times a minute
My fingertips explore your softness and electricity frolics across my senses

When I hear you
My ears hear nothing else
All sound is lost in the void of your speach
Your breath, across the nape of my neck, makes me shiver
A calmness settles over me like the soft drumming of rain on the leaves of an oak

When I love you
My heart melts in my chest
My cold monochrome life becomes full of warm vibrant colors
I know that all is right...safe...whole

P.S. A Great big HAPPY 36 BIRTHDAY to Amy's baby sister Bridgette! We love you sweetheart!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy had a very good day yesterday. She ran Brittany to Drivers Ed and Hope to T-ball and then later in the day went to watch Trevor’s baseball game. Needless to say, when 9pm rolled around, she was more than ready to go to bed. To make it even better, she slept clear through until 6am! Neither of us can remember the last time she slept a night through. All in all a pretty good day!

Well, I blew it! I really messed up this time. In preparation for Amy’s surgery/recovery, we sat down with our kids and explained how mom wouldn’t be able to do much around the house for quite awhile and I obviously wouldn’t be home during the day to pick up the slack, so they were going to have to ‘step up to the plate’ and do most if not all of the household chores. Knowing that we were going to need their cooperation to make this work, I included them in the process by allowing them to choose which chores they would do. Brittany even made a chart that listed who did what and on which day so we could post the chart for all to see. We started this last Thursday and by the time Monday came around, there wasn’t a single day where everyone finished all of their chores. I had become frustrated with the fact that what should have worked wasn’t and it had been building since last Thursday. When I got home last night, I saw Brittany sitting on the couch and knowing that she had driver’s Ed. earlier that afternoon, I asked her when she got home and she said 4:30pm (her class runs 2 hours which means they left at 1:30pm to make it there before 2pm) I then asked her if she had worked on her list and she said, ‘No, but I’ve still got time.’ AAAHHHHH! This was something I had talked to them about when we set this up. I told them NOT to put their chores off and that if they took the initiative and got them done early in the day they wouldn’t have to worry if an opportunity came along for them to go do something with a friend. In my frustration I imploded and I lit into her unlike ever before. I have raised my voice before, but I have never been quite that angry before. At the time I felt justified, after all she broke the rules…she didn’t follow the process, a process she not only helped to create, but helped implement! I was right in my interpretation of the ‘law’, but oh was I wrong in the way I processed it. She ended up running off to her room crying…that look of hurt in her eyes will be burned into my memory for a very long time.

Later as I was thinking about what happened, and dealing with my guilt, it came to me that what if God dealt with me in the same fashion when I break the rules or don’t follow the process? I am SO glad that God's love for me isn't dictated by my actions. If it were, I would have deserved death a LONG time ago. I am fortunate and blessed that His reaction to my sinfulness is ALWAYS filtered by my repentance, His grace and bought by the blood of His Son. Brittany and I are OK now (I’ve asked for her forgiveness and she not letting me live it down!), but I am very unhappy with myself for letting anger get the best of me.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Saturday is the only day in which I can sleep late, but even that doesn’t seem to be happening lately as something ALWAYS comes up; either the kids wake me up asking if I could run and get some doughnuts for breakfast or I have to run one of them somewhere or run some sort of errand. The one was no different, but it was just the start of a very long day of running here and there. Of course, I had to get up and run to get doughnuts and because someone (who shall remain nameless, but her initials are AMY HOWARD) doesn’t like our town bakery, I had to run to two separate places to retrieve our breakfast fare, not that I truly mind. Later I had to run to two grocery stores (one for bread and milk and the other for fruit – Sales…you run to two or three places to save a dollar and you end up burning four dollars in gas! Yeah, that’s savings!), our local butcher for some meat, ran Trevor over to the baseball diamond and then took the girls to Wal-Mart. Hope was at Wal-Mart the other day with my sister when she (get this) ‘spotted’ a pair of shoes that she needed to have. Now, please remember that Hope is 5…most 5 year old girls want to shop for dolls or books or maybe a jump rope. Not Hope, she spotted these red, high healed sandals that she wanted to spend her own money on. We got home just in time for Brittany to grab her books and a little something to eat before I had to run her over to Portage where she’s taking Drivers Ed. Britt wasn’t able to take it in Baraboo because her class schedule left no room for it. So, while waiting for her (2 hours), I run and get a car charger for my cell phone because the battery is quickly dying and I’m on call this weekend, I run over to McDonalds and grab lunch, then head back to the place she’s taking her class and wait. I listened to some music, played some electronic Yahtzee and spent some time in prayer. So, finally at 5:00pm I made it back home!

Amy was very tired today and spent a good share of the day resting and napping. She still deals with bouts of pain; most minor, some intense. To demonstrate how strong she really is, she said to me the other day, ‘Vince, I am so sick of letting this (pain) control my life. I am beginning to think that I just need to get up, get out and push/work through the pain.’ I told her find and good, but start with baby steps, don’t over do and if you find that you’re too tired, don’t get discouraged.

Dear heavenly Father, you are the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. Above you there is no other. You are the one true God who is worthy to receive honor and glory and all of our praise. Thank you for being the loving and caring God that you are and that your wisdom, strength and mercy, being far greater than mine, you so generously lavish on those who love you. I pray now for Amy Lord, I lift her up to You who knew her before her first breath, who knitted her together in her mothers womb and who knows the very number of hairs on her head. We know Amy Lord, but You know her heart, You know her soul. I pray Lord that out of Your glorious riches You may strengthen her with power through your Holy Spirit in her inner being and I pray that she, being rooted and established in Your love, may have power and strength and rest and health so that all can grasp how wide and long and high and deep is Your love for Amy and all of Your children. Now unto him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or can even imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen.

Romans 8:31, 32, 35, 37-39
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare even His own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things? Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Sorry, no blog today. Catch you up on Monday

Amy didn't sleep well last night, in fact, she hasn't slept a night through completely since she's come home from the hospital. This isn't totally uncommon for her as I've witnessed this from her in the past where she'll wake in the middle of the night, toss and turn and then move out to the couch or recliner and sleep the rest of the night there. This sleeplessness, however, has been every night and I am sure it isn't exactly helping the healing process. We are still sorting out what she can and cannot eat; if it causes pain, gastrointestinal issues or even vomiting, then we avoid it.

Last night, we sat and watched a movie and Amy even stayed up and watched it. It was fun! Sitting there as a family, eating popcorn...practically normal.

Please continue to pray for Amy, that the pain would continue to diminish and that her dietary intake would return to normal.

"Bless the LORD, O my soul; and forget none of His benefits."

"Because Thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips will praise Thee."

"I will give thanks to Thee, O LORD my God, with all my heart, and will glorify Thy name forever."

"Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD!"

Psalm 103:2/63:3/86:12/150:6


This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Yesterday I rushed home after work, changed my clothes and dashed back out the door to take our nephew to his parents (he had been up here to attend Future Champs Football Camp with Trevor). If it wouldn’t have been that, it would have been something else like, running to a baseball game or running someone to go swimming or the library or to a friend’s house. We don’t seem to slow down and enjoy life. Anymore we are constantly on the move from one activity or meeting or obligation to another and time flies. Brittany will be a junior next year…a junior! She will have to start seriously thinking about where she will want to attend college. I was sure it was just a couple of years ago that I was sitting in the auditorium of South School listening to her class sing the ‘President’s Song’ and time flies. Trevor will be in eight grade this year! Top of the heap in middle school! Boy has he grown this past year! I find it increasingly difficult to successfully wrestle with him. It doesn’t seem that it was too long ago where I could hold him with one of my arms around his back and the other around the back of his legs and force his knees to his chest. I can’t do that anymore and I’m sure it’s not because I’m getting weaker, who told him he could become a young man? And time flies. And of course I see changes in Vinny and Hope as well, Hope will be starting Kindergarten this fall, but because she’s been the peer role model in the special needs classroom for the past two years, it seems like it’s just another year for her. And Vinny is two years from going to the middle school. And time flies. Amy and I will be married 20 years this August. It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long, but time, like sand, has a way of slipping through your fingers and before you know it your first child graduates high school, or gets married, or you have an empty net and are retired. And still, time flies.

Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean,
Tears from the depth of some divine despair
Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,
In looking on the happy Autumn-fields,
And thinking of the days that are no more.

Fresh as the first beam glittering on a sail,
That brings our friends up from the underworld,
Sad as the last which reddens over one
That sinks with all we love below the verge;
So sad, so fresh, the days that are no more.

Ah, sad and strange as in dark summer dawns
The earliest pipe of half-awakened birds
To dying ears, when unto dying eyes
The casement slowly grows a glimmering square;
So sad, so strange, the days that are no more.

Dear as remembered kisses after life,
And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feigned
On lips that are for others; deep as love,
Deep as first love, and wild with all regret;
So sad, so yearning, the days that are no more.

- Alfred Tennyson

Don’t live a life of regrets, it will rob your life of joy and if you’re looking back on yesterday’s trouble you will most assuredly miss today’s blessing.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Wow! While I’m trying to be cautious in my optimism, I believe Amy has turned the corner with her pain. Sure there are times when she’s in pain and she still tires quite easily, but the pain she does have is greatly reduced from what she was experiencing on Saturday & Sunday. We have learned a few lessons in the past couple of days as well; 1) While Amy’s mind still thinks she can eat a full meal, her stomach can not and if she does try to eat too much, she will be paying for it (the idea is less food, more often). 2) Some foods aren’t tolerated by her stomach anymore. Whether this is a temporary condition or something she’ll have to be aware of from now on, we’ll just have to wait and see. She felt good enough that she went with me last night to take our nephew to Platteville where we met up with his parents to take him back. When we got back home she went straight to bed, but she had a good time and traveled quite well.

Found out yesterday that Amy’s CA19-9 on June 15th was 48. To remind you, CA19-9 (Carbohydrate Antigen 19-9) is a blood antigen that can be used to help indicate the presence of cancerous cells in the body, especially in the gastrointestinal tract and more specifically in the Pancreas. Amy’s CA19-9 level was 1036 before her Chemo/Radiation treatments and was 292 just before her surgery on May 31st . Normal range is right around 40!
In general, before surgery, the higher the CA19-9 level is, the larger the tumor is. For the purposes of evaluating treatment, a decreasing or stable CA19-9 level generally indicates an improved prognosis. So we have one more reason to praise God!

Psalms 7:17 I will give to the LORD the thanks due to His righteousness, and sing praise to the name of the LORD, the Most High.

Psalms 34:1 I will bless the LORD at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

Psalms 150:2 Praise Him for his mighty deeds; praise Him according to His surpassing greatness!

James 5:13 Are any among you suffering? They should pray. Are any cheerful? They should sing songs of praise.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Today our dog Feliz will be having an operation to remove 4 stones that have been blocking her urinary tract and causing her quite a bit of trouble. We’ve had her for going on 6 months now and it’s funny to think that this little ball of fur has really integrated herself into our family. If she were no longer with us, she would be sorely missed and a part of our lives would be missing. I’m not worried about the surgery, it’s of the fairly routine sort, I’m just amazed at the impact she has had on our family. Being 8 months old, she’s still a puppy, with puppy energy & puppy curiosity. She’s a very good dog and quite intelligent! Her ability to reason astounds me; case in point, when she was younger and still being house broken, whenever she had an ‘accident’, we would bring her back to the spot, show it to her, tell her no and put her in her kennel. She has since learned to go to the door when she needs to go out, but now with the stones issue, sometimes the urge comes on her too quickly and she can not wait for someone to notice she’s at the door. It has happened several times where I’ve been out in the kitchen and Feliz will come trotting in and go straight to her kennel and will not come back out. I could tell that something wasn’t quite right, so I go looking around and sure enough, she’s gone on the floor. She knew her actions were unacceptable (albeit, uncontrollable) and she knew what was expected of her when she’s in trouble and followed through by going to her kennel. What a good doggie!...now why can’t our kids be more like that?!

Amy is attempting to go without taking her prescription pain medication. She made it through yesterday with only taking Ibuprofen periodically throughout the day and a muscle relaxant just before going to bed for the night. It was a little rough, but it looked to me that she was dealing with a different type of pain (from the surgery?) rather than the cramping and the pain associated with that. She’s doing much the same today. I think she’s doing this to see if her pain meds are what’s causing her cramping. Let’s pray she’s right, but also that the pain she does have, would quickly dissipate or at least can be controlled by the Ibuprofen.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Why is this continuing?
I see the desperation born of pain written across her face & pleading from her eyes.
Body writhing, she contemplates her plight and asks what she’s done that is so terrible, so offensive as to bring this seeming act of justice upon her weary, broken body.
She wants to get up, she knows she should be up and moving about; she’s missing out on baseball and T-ball games, running the kids to summer programs and to friends houses to play, but her desire to get up and care for her family is utterly crushed by her pain…and in her helplessness cries out, ‘I JUST WANT TO FEEL BETTER! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?’
At times she squeezes my arm as hard as she can, hoping beyond hope that she can transfer even a little of her pain to me. Yet at other times, she holds me close…quietly trying to absorb some of my energy and strength. She has no strength, no endurance of her own. Any that she did have is used up in the grit, sweat, tears and raw determination she expends in withstanding her pain.
She gets up and paces the floor, repeating over and over again, ‘I don’t know what to do! What do I do?, I don’t know what to do! What do I do? Oh why oh why wont this pain go away!’
At the pinnacle of her pain, she goes to her knees and in between sobs she cries out to God, begging Him to relieve her of the pain…

After reporting last week that Amy was slowly, but surely feeling better, I feel the fool. This weekend was not a good one for Amy. I am thankful that the episode I described above wasn’t one consistent episode that lasted the entire day, but rather a single episode that lasted about an hour or hour and a half. Imagine going through the surgery that Amy did and having all of those internal sutures; across your stomach and intestinal area and then having your stomach muscles cramp up like a tight fist. Squeezing and pulling at those sutures and at the wounds trying to heal. She’s in a terrible cycle of pain: She takes medication to relieve her pain, but her pain medication causes her to be constipated, the constipation causes the cramping, which causes the pain, which in turn causes her to take the medication.

It is absolutely heart wrenching watching my wife endure this. It is frustrating and maddening knowing that I am completely helpless, I am without recourse. There is nothing I can do, nothing I can say, nothing I can give to her that would give her the immediately relief she seeks. We ask the doctors about it and as long as Amy isn’t presenting with any other symptoms (fever, vomiting, etc), they don’t seem overly worried about it. So where do I turn? Where do I go for help? Psalm 121:1-2 reads ‘I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.’ So, I went to God’s word and found out that a great many of God’s chosen suffered too:

Jeremiah 15:18 – Incurable pain tempted Jeremiah to doubt the character of God.
Job – The entire book of Job chronicles the sufferings of a Godly man.
Ex. 4:10-16 – Moses, the man who lead Israel out of bondage had a speech impediment.
1 Timothy 5:23 – Timothy suffered from stomach problems.
2 Co 12:7-10 – The apostle Paul suffered a ‘thorn in his flesh’ that God never removed.
Mark 3:20-21 – Jesus’ own family thinks he’s mad

There are many more examples, but the point is all of us during our lifetime will deal with pain. Job’s wife told him to ‘..curse God and die.’, but he didn’t. He didn’t understand what was going on, or why God was allowing this to happen, but he stayed true to Him. He didn’t turn his back on God even when he lost everything. And as a reward for persevering and staying true to God, Job was restored and not just restored, but restored with 7 times over what he had before.

1 Peter 4:19 says – So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should entrust themselves to their faithful creator and continue to do good.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy was better today. She did have one major episode late this morning, but after that past she didn't have another. I did some running around today; took pop-cans in to be recycled, took a bunch of overdue library books back and went to Wal-Mart to pick up the nearly 200 pictures I had developed there from our trip to Disney. Trevor left earlier in the morning to go to a friend's baseball game and didn't get home until close to 5:00pm and Brittany rode her bike down to Culvers to meet a friend and then later went with a different friend to go swimming at our public pool. The only problem is that less than a half hour after they left, a storm moved in and they had to leave. One of our neighbor's had inquired a week or two back about me looking at their computer, I had said yes, but hadn't been able to get to it until today. Long story short, the short-cut to their email program had been deleted and I re-established that short-cut and then showed them how to fix it if it happened again. Since they got rained out, Brit and her friend joined us for supper and then all of us sat down and watched a movie.

Some times it's nice just to have an ordinary day, no day spent in the emergency room, or running to a sporting event, or a pressing meeting, or anything else that draws any of us away from our families. Admittedly, it was a bit lazy, but it sure was nice just to lay beside Amy and idly chat about nothing in particular, nice to run a few errands with just Brit, nice to lay on Hope's bed with her and watch a cartoon with her, nice to laugh at the silliness of a movie...nice to connect...nice to just be a family.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy had an extraordinarily bad day yesterday. She didn't eat very well, she was in a lot of pain, she took several 2 to 3 hour power naps and as she told me, just didn't feel right/good. It seems to me that she's taken a couple steps back in her recovery. Now, having said that, it could have been just a bad day. It could be just the normal process of her body healing. It could be that she's pushing herself more than she should be, or maybe it's a combination of all of the above. All I know is that she's getting frustrated and at times irritable; the other day while she was in extreme pain and in tears, she told me that she wasn't sure having the surgery was worth what she was going through now. I'm sure you understand that she is VERY thankful that the surgery was able to be performed and that the result was so positive, but she has had to deal with pain every minute of every day for the past 14 + days and unless she wants to be drugged to the point of sedation, it is always there on some level. We were supposed to hear back on the results of the blood test she had yesterday, but when Amy called down to the office, she was told that the nurse who would have received those was out yesterday and today, so I've called another one of her doctors to see if he can obtain a copy of those results, but I haven't heard back from him yet.

My wife is incredible. The strength, courage, stamina and tenacity she has and continues to show through all of this is simply amazing. I fell in love with her for so many reasons, I just never imagined this would be one of them.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Ever since I told my boss that Amy had pancreatic cancer, she slowly began to reduce my work load by taking me off of or reducing my role in the projects I was involved in. This isn’t a bad thing and I know she’s doing it to help me, but at first it really made me think about the value I’ve been providing at work. Coming back to work for the first time since Amy surgery this past Monday, I actually realized exactly how worthless I’ve been in the past 6 weeks or so and it was like I was coming out of a thick fog. I was ready for new assignments, new challenges, new responsibilities…I was ready to get back to work. Yesterday, she approached me hesitantly about taking control of a communications project. I jumped at the chance and then later told her to feel free to send more projects/responsibilities my way, today she added two more projects and administration over a couple other items to my plate. I am SO thankful for my boss and her willingness to step up to be my advocate and for the support she has shown throughout this journey. Also to my workplace for the understanding and flexibility they have shown. It’s not always about how much a company can pay you, it’s about how they treat you and respect you.

Where do you place YOUR value? Is it in your work like me? In your kids or in the upkeep of your house? Maybe you place your value in your friends or family or a sport you love to play? Don’t get me wrong, there is value in these things. After all, God provided these things, these skills, these relationships. The rub comes when you have to make a choice, when you have to prioritize and actually have to choose what you value most.

God made a choice as well, He had to choose between His son and us…

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Slowly, but surely Amy is getting her strength back. I’m not home during the day, but it does seem to me that the time between her pain episodes are getting longer and she’s up moving about more. However, when 8:00pm or 8:30pm rolls around, she is definitely ready for bed! She was supposed to have a blood test today, but she awoke at 4:00am and had a snack, forgetting that she wasn’t supposed to eat anything after 10:00pm last night. The test can wait, glad to see she’s getting hungry. Yesterday I mentioned that Amy will need to have more chemo treatments, but wasn’t sure for how long. It looks like it will be for 4 to 6 months, so please pray that her body is able to tolerate the treatments with little or no side effects.

Over two years ago, we had Brittany fitted with braces to correct her teeth. Having wore braces myself while I was in Junior High, I am quite well aware of the pain and awkwardness they can bring. Throughout these past two plus years, Brittany has had fun choosing different colored bands, but she doesn’t have to make that decision anymore. At 7:30am today, Brittany had her braces removed! I dropped her off on my way to work, so I haven’t actually seen her, but I can not wait to go home tonight and see my ‘little girl’s’ bright, beautiful smile! – Congrats Brit!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy had her follow up appointment today and had her staples removed. They said she looked good and that they were very pleased with the surgical outcome. She did find out that she’ll have to continue with Chemo starting on July 10th and it will go like this: three weeks on, one week off, three weeks on, one week off. I’m not sure how long her treatment will last, but if it helps ensure that she’ll be free of cancer, then so be it. She’ll have to travel once a week to Madison for the infusion and if any of you are willing to go with her, I’m sure she’d appreciate the company.

Do you worry? I know that I do. Now, I’m not talking about natural concerns that occur daily like if I remembered to shut off the kitchen light or if I did well on a test. What I’m referring to is worry as a failure to understand God's provision for us and His promises, failure to 'cast our care on Him', resulting in unnecessary anxiety or a disquieting and painful state of mind involving undue concern over something in life. Such worry always anticipates the worst, and leads to apprehension or anticipation of danger, misfortune, trouble, or uncertainty. Worry is a state of restlessness and agitation, producing mental disturbance, uneasiness, foreboding, anxiety, and painful uncertainty. Psalms 46:10 says ‘Be still and know that I am God.’ How can we do this very simple act of worship if our minds and focus are elsewhere? Worrying has whitened more hair, filled more lives with misery and has brought more people to an untimely grave than all the wars of the world and to what benefit? Not one iota of good has worry accomplished. It is a total loss. Can anything be changed through the act of worry? Can you by worrying stop an accident from occurring? Can you by worrying accumulate great wealth? Of course not! Matthew 6:27 says this ‘Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?’ So what’s the cure? How do we avoid this life stealing habit? It is in Jesus that the promises of God are yea and amen! There is no other Name but the name of the Lord Jesus Christ that opens the door of God's treasure house and we cannot know Jesus Christ as our Burden-Bearer until we have first received Him as our Sin-Bearer & our savior. In John 14:6 it says. ‘…I am the way, the truth and the life, NO ONE comes unto the Father (God) except through me.’ In Isaiah 26:3 the prophet writes: ‘You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.’ Note carefully those words. God keeps in perfect peace the one whose mind is stayed on Him. Our difficulty is that instead of keeping our minds and thoughts on God, we keep our minds and thoughts on our troubles. When we do this, our troubles become bloated, immense and God seems so little. We need to reverse this process and keep our mind stayed on God, where He will appear as big as He truly is, and our troubles will dwindle to their true insignificance in comparison to God. Romans 8:28 says this: ‘And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God.’ It doesn’t say some things, but ‘ALL things.’ The situations and experiences may not be good in and of themselves, but they will all work out for our good under the controlling hand of God. How wonderfully sweet are verses 38 and 39 in this same chapter! Here Paul declares that NOTHING, not death, life, angels, principalities, powers, things present, things future, height, depth nor any other creature can separate us from the love of God. Remember then that the love of God stands with us in the face of all possible harm.

At the heart of the cyclone tearing the sky,
And flinging the clouds and towers by,
Is a place of central calm.
So here is the roar of mortal things,
I have a place where my spirit sings-
In the hollow of God's palm. - Unknown

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Today was the first day I’ve been back to work since the day of Amy’s surgery. It was odd and yet somehow refreshing. I feel like I’ve been away from work forever because I’ve only worked 1 day in the last 20. As you can imagine, I had about 400 emails to wade through, two weeks worth of invoices, snail mail and UPS packages to process and about 15 voice mails to listen to. But you know what? It was kind of nice…nice to return to a sense of normalcy. For some that may sound odd, but I like to work…I like what I do…it gives me a great sense of accomplishment and I feel that I am good at what I do. Sure there are days when it isn’t so great and of course I’d like to be independently wealthy, but that wouldn’t change my drive to work. In Colossians 3:23 it says; ‘Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as if you’re working for the Lord, not for men.’ And in Philippians 2:14-15 it even tells us what kind of attitude we need to have. ‘Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.’ WOW! Shine like stars! I don’t know if I do that, but I’d like to strive to! I know that work can sometimes drag us down. But that's not its original, God-given intention. God designed work to help us feel good about ourselves so that we can share our unique talents with others, and form a balanced community both inside and outside the church, as well as enjoy the fruits of labor well-done.

Amy continues to have her back pain, but seems to manage it with the meds (although she sleeps for about 3 hours afterward, which is OK). I had asked her surgeon the following question via email: Knowing that he performs this operation on a couple thousand people a year, of those that have a similar diagnosis that Amy had, what percentage have come out with similar results to Amy’s? To which he replied, 10 percent. Just one more reason to praise God!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy's back pain issue came to a head last night as she came into the living room with a look of total panic on her face. Eyes wide and searching, her teeth working her bottom lip and the wringing of her hands. Amy had had her fill of pain. So, today I called the on-call doctor down to UW Hospitals and he basically said, 'Listen, Amy's on about as strong a medicine as we are going to give her without seeing her, so she can either come down to the ER, or wait until her appointment this coming Tuesday.' She thought about it for awhile and I asked her if she really felt like she could tolerate the pain and missed sleep for 3 plus days? I had to run a few errands, but we were on the road headed for the ER by 12:00 noon.
Now, I really don't want to be a complainer, but when I think of the Emergency Room, I think of nurses and doctors rushing around helping the people who came in because they needed immediate help...well, I guess the mental picture of my expectations was a bit off base because we waited nearly two hours before we ushered back to a room where Amy was asked to undress and slip into one of those VERY attractive hospital gowns (you know, the ones with the built in air-conditioning) and lay down on the bed. She complied and we waited another hour before a nurse came in and took some vitals, asked a few non-treatment realated questions (like, and I kid you not, Are you in danger at home!) and was off. About a half hour later, the surgical resident who initially told Amy to come down or wait until Tuesday, stepped in asked her about her pain, poked her a few times and ordered up some blood work. Another half hour later, a nurse comes in to take the blood sample, discovers she doesn't have the equipment she needs and leaves. About 25 minutes later, she comes back in, takes the blood sample and leaves. About two hours later (no one else has stopped by), I step out to the nurses station and tell them that we've been waiting for two hours on the results of Amy's blood tests and could they please check to see if they're back yet, the nurse tells me that she'll look into it. About 15 minutes later the ER doc stops by and tries to explain how busy they are by asking if either of us remember the Ed Sullivan show and that there was a performer on there that would balance plates on poles by spinning them and he'd have to keep running from pole to pole and keep spinning the plates to keep them from crashing to the floor. Well, he kind of felt like that guy because he was running from room to room making sure each patient was taken care of...yeah, well anyway the surgical resident comes in and tells us that the blood tests show that Amy's white blood cell count is high (normal is 5000, Amy's was 13,600), but they are comfused because she doesn't show any of the signs of infection, so he want's to run the numbers by Amy's surgeon and leaves the room. A different nurse comes in about an hour later and asks if Amy has given a urine sample, she hadn't, so the nurse takes her and gets the sample. About this time, I start to lose my sense of time as both of us drift off and on to sleep. Finally about 8:40pm, the surgical resident comes in and informs Amy that she has a urinary tract infection. He prescribes an antibiotic and at 9:20pm, after about 8.5 hours, we leave the hospital.
We are VERY thankful that they were able to get to the bottom of Amy's back pain and are hopeful that she'll see fast results via the medicine.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

In the mid-1980s, Dr. Gordy Klatt, a Tacoma colorectal surgeon, wanted to enhance the income of his local American Cancer Society office. He decided to personally raise money for the fight by doing something he enjoyed—running marathons.

In May 1985, Dr. Klatt spent a grueling 24 hours circling the track at Baker Stadium at the University of Puget Sound in Tacoma for more than 83 miles. Throughout the night, friends paid $25 to run or walk 30 minutes with him. He raised $27,000 to fight cancer. That first year, nearly 300 of Dr. Klatt's friends, family, and patients watched as he ran and walked the course.

While he circled the track those 24 hours, he thought about how others could take part. He envisioned a 24-hour team relay event that could raise more money to fight cancer. Months later he pulled together a small committee to plan the first team relay event known as the City of Destiny Classic 24-Hour Run Against Cancer.

In 1986, 19 teams took part in the first team relay event on the track at the colorful, historical Stadium Bowl and raised $33,000. An indescribable spirit prevailed at the track and in the tents that dotted the infield.

One person can make a difference. Nowhere is that more evident than with the story I just related, however, to make it even more real, tonight there are family and friends who are walking and lighting luminaries in Amy's honor in several different towns/states in the annual Relay for Life marathon. While Amy has been given an excellent post operative prognosis, many many others haven't. While Pancreatic cancer ranks 4th in cancer releated deaths, it still ranks dead last in the funding it receives for research. If this disturbs you as much as it does Amy and I, PLEASE take a moment and email your Senators and Congressmen, bringing this to their attention and follow your email up with a prayer, after all in John 16:24 it says: 'Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be made complete.'

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Pain medication is interesting, as long as you take it at the appropriate time intervals and it’s of adequate strength, you can be pain free and seem almost normal. Take Amy for example, as long as the pain meds are working, except for tiring easily you couldn’t tell she just had major surgery. She has two medicines to take, one is a prescription strength Ibuprofen for muscle pain and the other is Oxycodone which is generally given to manage moderate to severe postoperative pain. The idea is to overlap the meds so that while the first dose is starting to run its course, she takes the next dose and that will start to relieve her pain. This has been kind of hit and miss as the instructions say one thing, but Amy’s pain says another (she’ll be a half hour away from her next dose and she’ll start to have some serious pain and labored breathing). So, we really try and pay attention to the time to make sure she’s on top of it. All in all, today was a good, but rather lazy day. Amy did have a hard time sleeping the night through in our bed and an even worse time trying to nap this afternoon (a combination of everyone being home and stomping around as well as the fact that we live on a very busy street with a lot of truck traffic), so we will have to re-think where she’ll take her naps. Appetite is an interesting thing for her as well; she’ll get hungry but won’t know what she’s hungry for, she’ll finally figure out what she’s hungry for, but if she doesn’t start eating it within 15 minutes, she’ll no longer be hungry…challenging! The kids have been great and understanding about not running up to and jumping up onto her; although I know it’s been tough on Amy as she LOVES their hugs!

Did you know that spiritual pain medication is available to us as well? It comforts and consoles us in our times of need; with God’s word you will never be alone. God’s word instructs and guides, is consistent, true and is as relevant today as it was when it was first written. Without reading God’s word, how can we grow in Him? How can we ever hope to achieve a deep rootedness and avoid being blown about by every wind (Eph 4:14)? Isn’t it time we stopped ‘playing’ at being God followers and started being one?

Have you had your daily inoculation?

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

At 10:20am today, Amy left the hospital. She had a great night of sleep and she was biting at the bit to leave when I arrived. On my way down, I had called to let her know that I was on my way and her surgeon walked in. I asked to her to ask him how much of the tumor was dead tissue and if they remembered to biopsy the spot on her liver that started this whole journey to begin with. She called me back after a few minutes and Dr. Mahvi had this to say: The tumor had actually shrunk a bit during that last week before Amy surgery and where a good deal of it was dead tissue, that doesn’t really matter because the tissue margins and lymph nodes came back negative. And concerning the spot on her liver…it’s gone! Not shrunk, not moved…GONE!
I am absolutely convinced that the collective prayers of literally 100’s if not 1000’s of God’s children the world over, being offered in Amy’s need and having been aligned with God’s perfect and gracious will, have been answered by God’s miraculous plan. Amy stands as evidence of God’s mercy…of God’s grace and miraculous power and all of US stand as witnesses, having seen with our eyes and heard with our ears the ‘momentary troubles’ Amy endured.

Psalm 7:17 - I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High.

Psalm 9:1-2 - I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

Psalm 150:2 - Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness.

Psalm 106:1 - Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.

James 1:17 - Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

God has and will continue to use Amy’s journey to draw people closer to Him and to glorify Himself. I have heard from many how their faith has been strengthened and from others that they have been drawn back to church because of what they have witnessed, this is all for the glory of God and I praise His holy name!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

This morning started out in a rush getting the kids up, keeping them focused on getting ready for school and actually dropping them off. My sister Denise had travled back to Baraboo with me last night so she could come to Trevor's baseball game and to spend some time with the rest of the kids before she headed for home today. We tried to rush down to Amy because we had yet to hear the results of the pathology report and we didn't want her to be alone when this was revealed. By the time we had gotten down there, Dr. Mahvi had already dropped by to see her, but the pathology report hadn't been returned yet. Amy said that she had a bad, pain filled night and I could see she was in pain when we first arrived. They spent a good share of the morning trying to figure out how to help her, but they finally did figure out how to help her and after that Amy slept for quite awhile. An afternoon filled with pain meds, hot pads, yahtzee tournaments and naps went past and we still didn't hear anything. I finally asked Amy's nurse if she could call Mahvi's office and see if the report was in yet. Finally at 7:00 tonight, the on-call Doc stopped by and reported that he had looked over the pathology report and that the lymph nodes and all of the margins showed absolutely no presence of cancer! He went on to say that this was the best outcome that they could have hoped for. He even went on to say that at Amy's follow up visit, we will discuss if future chemo treatment is necessary!

We can not thank God enough for His obvious healing hand in all of this! All glory and honor are His!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Late Saturday, Amy had her NG (Nasal Gastric) tube taken out and little by little, she's being introduced foods, so far she's had fruit juice, jello, tea, sherbert and hard candies. They are talking about removing her epidural and her catheter today. She is having some lower abdominal cramping and pain, so please be praying for this.

You do realize what has transpired don't you? I'm not talking about the surgery, I'm talking about the miracle we see in Amy. The cancer hadn't spread and the tumor wasn't involved with an artery so they were able to proceed with the surgery, the tumor was removed intact, the tumor was able to be sliced away from the Portal Vein, The Portal Vein was able to be reconstructed and didn't need to be replaced, the tissues near where the tumor used to be, show a negative margin for cancer on a microscopic level, being that 50% to 75% of Amy's Pancreas has been removed, this can affect her insulin output, normal 'fasting' blood sugar is between 70 and 110, Amy's was 118 on Saturday, which is phenomenal for someone who only has 25 to 50% of her pancreas! Look at each of these hurdles/tests and tell me God hasn't performed a miracle! Some of you may look at this and say, 'Well, it was the doctor who did this', but who gave them the breath of life? Who determined that they would have the aptitude for learning such difficult procedures? Who granted them the wisdom and stamina to complete this surgery? God did of course! To suggest that this was a simple matter of statistics and random chance would be an insult. Not many of you know, but Amy's surgeon is the Chief of Surgical Oncology and he has two other partners. The day we switched, his two partners were out of town, one was on vacation and the other was at a conference. Was this luck or random chance? I don't think so, God's has been at work in this since day 1. God knew who her surgeon would be and as His wonderously magnificent plan unfolded, He left His fingerprints throughout each stage of this journey so there could be no doubt to how wide, how long, how high and how deep the love of Christ is for His children!

Ephesians 3: 14-21 - For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide...and long...and high...and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

We didn't get up as early as I had hoped, so we didn't get down to Madison until 11:00am, but when we got hear Amy looked MUCH better and had just gotten back into bed after walking to the end of the hall and sitting with Randy & Denise for about 30 or 40 minutes.
I had warned the kids about too much noise and not jumping up on Amy's bed. They really listened and Vinny & Hope even made her some get well cards. I'm not sure how long we'll be down here today, but Amy has really enjoyed seeing the kids.
Please feel free to come and visit her as she would LOVE to see everyone, but I would ask if you plan on bringing little ones to keep it short. Thank you for understanding!

Your love, oh Lord
Reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness stretches to the sky
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains
Your justice flows like the ocean's tide
I will lift my voice
To worship You, my King
I will find my strength
In the shadow of your wings

I continue to praise God for His healing hand and guidance He provided the surgeons during Amy's surgery! We found out today that they only had to remove 25% of her stomach instead of the usual 40%! We also found out that they removed the tumor intact, that means that they didn't have to slice it off in pieces and risk small pieces falling away. And possibly the best news yet was that microscopic inspection of the surounding tissue (Liver, Intestine, the rest of the Pancreas, etc) at the time of surgery showed NO instance of cancerous cells!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy started the day a little more tired than yesterday. The doctors wanted her to try and get by with less pain medication, but the pain in her back is too much, so they've put her back on the meds. I'm hoping that she'll be better after we return from lunch. I will try and write more later.

Amy slept most of the day and wasn't nearly as active as she was yesterday. While we went to supper, Amy had the nurse get her out of bed and sat in her chair for nearly two hours. She seemed better tonight and we just sat together, talked and played electronic Yahtzee. I plan on taking the kids to see her tomorrow, but I do not want to overtax her.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy has had a great day! She has sat up in a chair twice and they even had her walk a short way. She tires easily, but she's been a real trooper and really only complained of some back pain (more than likely from laying on her back in one position most of yesterday). Pastor Dave came up for a short visit, it was really nice to see him and pray with him. He shared Psalms 138 with us, this is what it reads:
1 I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart;
before the "gods" I will sing your praise.
2 I will bow down toward your holy temple
and will praise your name
for your love and your faithfulness,
for you have exalted above all things
your name and your word.
3 When I called, you answered me;
you made me bold and stouthearted.
4 May all the kings of the earth praise you, O LORD,
when they hear the words of your mouth.
5 May they sing of the ways of the LORD,
for the glory of the LORD is great.
6 Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly,
but the proud he knows from afar.
7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes,
with your right hand you save me.
8 The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever—
do not abandon the works of your hands.

What an AWESOME message! and we DO praise God!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V