Amy's 'momentary trouble'

Starting off on Sunday, Amy wasn’t feeling the greatest. She was having shooting pains from her neck into her shoulders and back, so she didn’t sleep well and opted to stay home and sleep instead of going to church. Later, Amy started feeling better and our whole family went to lunch at a friends house. Amy was hesitant about going at first, but later told me that she was glad we went. We had to cut our lunch visit short as Amy and I had reservations at the Inn at Wawanissee Point out on Tower rd in Baraboo and we wanted to enjoy every moment we would have there. This bed and breakfast has been open for two years and is a hidden treasure! The 10,000 sq foot Inn is placed on 42 acres and sits high up on the bluffs and you can see the Wisconsin river out the huge picture window that covers the back wall of the great room where if you look through the telescope placed near the window, you can actually see the dome of the capitol building located in Madison (over 40 miles away!). From the double bridge natural spring path out front to the wildflowers and 3 miles of private walking paths out back, this place is incredible! We stayed in the ‘Bordeaux’ room and this room, as the name implies, is painted a deep red; sports a king-sized bed and a spa-tub. Amy and I were the only ones staying there for the night and as such, had a very special time getting to know the owners Trudy and Dave. At 5:30pm, they have a ‘wine & cheese’ hour where Trudy served a homemade bruschetta that was incredible! We shared Amy’s story with them and they shared a bit of their history with us. Around 6:00pm, Amy and I left the Inn to go to supper and we took the Merrimac ferry across the river to a place called Fish Tails where Amy had king crab legs and I had a New York strip steak…neither of us finished our meals because there was SO much! The excitement and activity of the day had finally caught up with Amy as she started falling asleep at our table. She wouldn’t surrender to her state of exhaustion however as she had plans to utilize the spa-tub back in our room. Soon we were back at the inn and as I stowed our leftovers in the fridge, Amy headed upstairs to our room. True to her plans, she filled the tub and prepped herself for a good long soak. After she got in and started the jets, as I was helping her look for the matches to light the candle that sat next to the tub, we found some aromatherapy bath bubbles and added them to her bath. Soon, the bubbles had expanded so much that they had practically encased Amy and she was laughing and giggling unlike I’ve heard her in quite some time…it was at that very moment that I knew I would have spent anything to hear her laugh…to see her enjoy herself like she did then. Later, we lay in bed talking about supper, the tub and this place. I know this was a ‘slice of time’ a mere blip in the scale of our lives, but God blessed us with a time where Amy’s recovery didn’t matter, where my work didn’t matter, where the cares of this world didn’t matter. All that mattered to me was God’s blessing and we were together. We woke up and yet down to a great breakfast of fresh fruit, homemade granola and Eggs en Cocoette Lorraine. All the while looking out the back window over the 36 mile vista that is their view. We watched humming birds feed and a wild turkey strut across the lower lawn.
If you have the chance or the inclination, check out their website (http://www.innatwawanisseepoint.com/). Better yet, plan a romantic get away for you and your wife/husband…I guarantee you will not regret it!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy and I made plans to get up Saturday morning, run out and pick up some doughnuts for breakfast and hit farmers market. Later in the morning, I would run a few errands before my tee time at 11:30am. So, we got up about 8:30am, threw on some clothes and a hat (bed head, ya know!) and headed out. On the way to the bakery (or as they say it Bakeri) we remember that downtown is having ‘Old Fashion Days’ and it will be near unto impossible to get to the farmers market, so we decide to skip that portion of our little venture and head to the bakery. The setup for ‘Old Fashion Days’ has many of the downtown streets blocked off and we find that we can’t pull up close to it and have to park about a block away. Amy and I walk our way down and as usual, she runs into several people she/we know. We select and pay for our doughnuts and head back for the van. Out in the street in front of the bakery, all types of antique cars and trucks are parked and we spot someone we know that used to go to our church so we make a point of walking past as we haven’t seen this person in quite some time. As we walk past, we say ‘Hi!’ he turns his head, glances at us and says ‘Oh, hi.’ He doesn’t come shake my hand, or come give Amy a hug and ask us how we’re doing, nothing! Just turns back to what he was doing…wow! That was an interesting encounter! Well, may God bless him and his family! So, we make it back to our van, I get Amy in and set the doughnuts on the back seat and…the van wont start! It won’t even turn over! For a moment I think ‘Great! I’ve got Amy downtown and it’s 80 deg out! There is NO WAY she can walk home from here.’ Then I remember that Lequeta said that she’d be up to the church in the morning, so thinking that I need to get Amy home out of the heat, I call Lequeta and not only does she come to pick-up Amy, she calls her husband Glen to come help me. Long story short, the battery was dead and wouldn’t even take a charge, so Glen runs me out to Farm & Fleet to get a new battery and helps me install it! Now it’s 11:15am and I’m supposed to tee off in 15 min! I rush home and quickly clean up and rush out to the club. The team I was supposed to play with already tee’d off, but I was able to play with the Vegter team and had a great time!

I didn’t get half of the things done that I wanted to and I felt like I was pressed for time, but I am thankful for friends that you can call on a moments notice and they will drop what they are doing to come help. Thanks Glen & Lequeta! May God richly bless you and your family! May He look upon you with favor and guide your paths all of your lives. May He reach down and protect you and keep you safe!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Vinny and Hope have been attending vacation bible school each evening this whole week at our church. Tonight was the last night and they had a ½ hour program at the end for parents and family members to come and listen to the songs they’ve learned and see some of the crafts they made. Afterward, one of the girls who helped lead the kids in singing approached me and told me that during the last song she was looking out over the kids and spotted Hope crying and noticed that she was looking up towards Amy. Thinking about the connection between mother and daughter in conjunction with what Amy’s been going through, really choked her up. A short while later, I found Hope and asked her if she was crying during that last song and she said yes, that she had been. Wanting to know if the leader was right, I asked Hope why? And she said, ‘Because mom was talking and not listening to me sing!’…I didn’t have the heart to inform the song leader that what she witnessed wasn’t the touching moment between daughter and mother that she thought it was. Amy had a pretty good day and this seems to be the cycle of it; on the weeks that she has Chemo, it takes her until Thursday to start feeling better and then Monday rolls around and after her treatment, she’s wiped out. She went to her local doctor today because of her headaches and earaches. She was afraid that she might have an ear infection, but instead found out that she’s experiencing side effects from the White Blood Cell booster she's been taking. At least we now know what’s going on!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy is still dealing with a sore head today, she plans on calling her doctor tomorrow to see if it’s anything to get concerned about. Other than that, I think she had a pretty good day.

A very good friend told me the other day that I’ve changed since Amy’s surgery…that I sound more and more like I’m losing hope. I had to sit back and think about that one for awhile. I thought to myself: wow, have I really changed? On one hand how can someone go through, hear and see the things I (we) have and not be changed? The thing is we control how were changed. We may not be able to control or change our circumstances, but we can control how we react to them. After much introspection, I know that I haven’t lost hope, but I did discover that I’ve been slowly building this hard shell of protection to help me stay strong…strong for the kids…strong for Amy. And to this my friend told me ‘In staying strong, don’t forget to feel.’ So, I prayed, ‘Ok, Lord…how do I stay strong for my kids and at the same time keep myself from a hardened heart and bitterness?’ I have never in my life received an answer from God as quickly as I did then…and it was so perfect in its simplicity that I was actually stunned…’Blessings, count your blessings.’ And in the middle of mentally listing just the blessings that God had bestowed upon me, it dawned on me that ALL the blessings God has bestowed is a two-sided coin, it keeps your heart soft and humble with the knowledge that we can’t do it without Him. On the flip side it keeps you strong knowing that God is on your side, ready and willing to bless us…bless us indeed!

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Romans 5:3-4 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Hebrews 3:13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy ran some errands today, took movies back to the library, ran to Aldi’s for a few grocery items and ran Brittany to Portage for her Driver’s Ed class. It’s nice to see (or in my case hear) that she’s been out and about, however she was worn out by the time she returned home and slept for a couple of hours until she woke up with a migraine headache. So on one hand it’s good that she’s getting out increasing her strength and endurance, but at what price? And furthermore, where should she draw the line?

Ephesians 6:10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy was quite tired today and rested a lot, but compared to how she felt that second day after returning to Chemo, this was MUCH better. Please continue to pray for health, strength (both physically and emotionally) and peace for both Amy and myself. We are both confident in God’s healing hand, but the path can be and is very exhausting.

OK, so Brittany got her permit to drive about 3 weeks ago and I’ve started teaching her how to drive. This past Sunday we spent about an hour in our church parking lot and I let her drive around, telling her to stay between the lines, using landmarks as stops signs and even had her practice head-in parking. At the end of our time, I asked her if she felt confident enough to drive the short 6 or 7 blocks home and after a second of thought, she indicated that she felt she could. She got us home all right and for the first time, she didn’t do to badly. For the past two days she’s been bugging me to take her out night driving and also to drive on 8th street so she can experience a multi-lane road. We go out at about 9:30pm and I have her take some side streets at first; up to 9th and take a right, down past Elizabeth to Tuttle and take a left, up to 14th and take a left. We eventually made it back to East where I had her take a left and head towards 8th street. At the stop light I had her take a right and after traveling for a few blocks, I asked her to make a lane change; she starts to but pulls the van back as the bright lights behind confuse her. The car behind her pulls around her and after it passes, I ask her to try again. This time she makes it, but slows down to about 10 mph while she makes the lane change, causing more cars to steer around her. As she checks her speed, she drifts to the right. As she checks her rearview mirror, she drifts to the right. As she turns on her blinker, she drifts to the right (mental note to self, she needs work on concentration as she has the tendency to DRIFT TO THE RIGHT!).

It strikes me that this might be close to how God feels with us. He’s the driving instructor and we’re his students on this road called life. At times we ‘drift’ off course and His Holy Spirit tells us we’re off track, but being that we’re behind the wheel, we have the choice to keep drifting and run the risk of going off the road into a ditch or correcting and getting safely back into your lane. He doesn’t grab the wheel and force you, He gently instructs, trusting you to make the right decision. The only difference with the spiritual ‘driving’ is you always have a safety net in Jesus Christ, He’s the ultimate in spiritual protection and He will always deliver you safely to the Father.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy was able to have her next Chemo treatment today and while it did wipe her out (she slept most of the evening), she didn't seem to be as out of it as she did the first time. They also gave her some medication that we will have to administer via syringe Wednesday through Sunday, once each day. This will help maintain her white blood cell counts.
I just wanted to again thank those of you who have helped us out or have cooked us a meal or in one way or another have given of yourselves. Every meal has been enjoyed, every favor appreciated and every gift cherished. Thank you.

Ecc 4:10 - If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy’s folks went back home today and as always, it’s hard to say goodbye. We had a nice visit with them and took a couple of rides and showed them sites that we haven’t shown them before. Devils Lake and the Merrimac Ferry are just two examples of area treasures we drove them to. Amy and her mom spent a lot of time together talking and laughing and crying.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if my mom was still alive…what would be different…how would she have reacted to the initial news…how would she have reached out to Amy. I have many friends with whom I can turn to when I need to and talk, but not a one of them is my mom. I miss you mom.

How far do we want God to go to get our attention? If He has to choose between our eternal safety and our eternal comfort, which do you hope He chooses? What if He moves you to another land (as he did Abraham)? What if He calls you out of retirement (like with Moses)? How about the voice on an angel or the bowel of a fish (i.e. Gideon and Jonah)? Or how about a promotion like Daniel’s or a demotion like Sampson’s? How far? What will it take for you to listen to His voice and heed His call? God will never, ever give up on you! He will do whatever it takes to get our attention. Isn’t that the message of His Word? The relentless pursuit of God…God on the hunt…peeking under the bed for hiding children…stirring the bushes for His lost sheep.

Joel 2:13 – Come back to the Lord your God, because He is kind and shows mercy. He doesn’t become angry quickly and He has great love.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy may have overdone it a bit today as she was exhausted when I got home from work at 5:30 today. Her mother made supper for all of us again. She made Spaghetti and mashed potatoes. I so appreciate her help and concern, both her and Amy’s father have really bent over backwards for us. Thanks Dick & Sandy!

Have you ever had to prepare for a trip? Make sure that you’d packed enough clothes, stopped the mail, arranged to have a neighbor water your garden, get someone to take in your dog. And if you’re leaving an older child behind, you have to tell them to remember to lock the doors, to clean up after themselves, to bring in the mail, to walk the dog, to call if they need anything, etc? Now, what if you were leaving on a trip, but the deal was, you were are never coming back?...how would you prepare?...what would you make sure was done before you left?...what would you make sure you told your neighbors?...your friends?...your family?
Amy and I have had many discussions throughout the past 6 months about if she didn’t survive this battle…what she would like done…what things I needed to remember. For instance, details about when Brittany graduates. Please don’t misunderstand, Amy isn’t admitting defeat, she isn’t giving up! She intends on fighting this with every once of strength she can muster! She’s preparing herself for a trip that may come earlier than anyone expected, but is hoping wont come for many many years. She has told me of songs she wants sung or played…things about the children…things about us…a consolidation of memories and wishes, of plans and dreams. As upset as I get and as hard as it is to hold it together when she talks about these things…I listen as intently as I can so I wont forget…wont forget her desires…or her ideas.

Are you packed?...prepared? If you’re not…if you’re not sure, I would be willing to talk to you about it. Most of you know how to contact me and if you don’t, leave a comment and I’ll contact you.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy’s folks surprised us by coming to visit a day early! It is always nice to have them come and visit and I love it that they are so very involved with our kids and are making memories that they’ll cherish for the rest of their lives. After supper tonight, we took them for a drive through our local state park (Devils Lake) and for a ride of the surrounding area. Amy had a pretty good day and is enjoying the time spent with her parents. The only thing is, we weren't prepared for them! The house still needed cleaning and straightened, dishes needed to be done and clothes needed to be put away! It's a good thing that they love us!

I haven’t been very consistent in posting lately and those that I have put out there…well, just don’t feel complete. Part of it has to do with time and there are just not enough hours in the day. Part of it has to do knowing what to relate…what to reveal. There are days where I know ahead of time what I’m going to say and the words come easy to me. Then there are days where nothing has changed or nothing has been laid on my heart and I have absolutely no idea what to say. These are the days I face the dilemma of writing nothing or try to force myself to come up with something. Considering the previous, I always feel like I’m letting Amy down and on the latter, it always feels contrived and I often feel uncomfortable with it. At first I wasn’t sure why this was happening, the more it occurred, the more pressure and guilt I felt and feeling the pressure and the guilt kept me from discovering the answer. The funny thing is, God kept supplying the answer but I wasn’t listening for one. In the past two weeks there must have been 20 or more people who have approached me asking how Amy’s been and then after telling them, almost as an afterthought, they ask how I’m doing. Now, don’t misunderstand me, I know none of these people think of me as an afterthought, I just bring it up because that is truly how I have thought of my own well being…an afterthought. Amy is the focus of my energies and my time, anything left over which isn’t absorbed by our children or other civic/religious commitments, is left for me. God has been speaking to me through these people because I not only have been neglecting my physical wellbeing, but my spiritual one as well. Feeling the crunch of time, I have been attempting to supply myself with spiritual nutrition by reading a short devotional rather than studying the Bible and spending time prayer. Through these people, God has said to me: ‘Hey, don’t neglect yourself, think on how you’ve been (or not been) taking care of yourself.’ No wonder I’ve been having difficulties figuring out what to write about, you can’t pen a thought when the ink well is dry! Timothy 4:2 tells us to be ready in season and out of season and in the midst of my daily spiritual battles, I have often found myself unready, undisciplined and lacking much of the armor needed to stand. To stand…isn’t that amazing? God doesn’t even expect us to do the battle. He wants us to be prepared in season and out of season and to put the full armor of God on, but after that, all He asks us to do is to STAND! The only way any of us can truly survive the battle is to be properly prepared…properly disciplined and fully outfitted…and the only way we can do that is through intense study and application of God’s Word.

There will be a battle today…whether it comes through a look, a thought or an action, it will come…it most likely will hit you when you least expect it…at a most opportunistic time…it will come, it always does.

Are you prepared?

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Hello fellow friends that read this blog. It’s me again the one and only Amy!!! Lots of applause, laughter, and smiles here. I know that you know about my white blood cells being extremely low. Can you believe they actually have a name for it? It is called Neutropenia. I can tell you one thing it makes me extremely tired. I love sleeping now. I got up about 5 a.m. because my back was bothering me. I went back to sleep in the chair until 7:45 when Vince left for work. Hope was too tired to get up for T-Ball as she had a major night terror so we skipped again today. I took a nap around 10:30 until almost noon. Dinked around for a little bit then got ready to go with Brittany to the grocery store. Came home around 2:30 laid back down on my bed and promptly fell asleep until 5 p.m. It is now about 8:00 p.m. and I am ready for my bed again already.

The one thing we are still trying to figure out about my white blood cell count is whether or not I can eat raw fruits and vegetables. My paper work says if they are washed I can. Now I have heard from 2 very reliable people that I’m not supposed to have them at all. Which would really be a bummer for me as that is the one thing that I actually want to eat. I will call the UW tomorrow and get confirmation on what it is and adjust accordingly.

I’ve decided that I could go to the store myself and wear rubber gloves and my mask. Boy would that make people look. They looked plenty today so why not give them reason to look more. I figure when my hair starts to thin out they will really look. I wonder if there is a beauty contest for people like me. I can hear the announcer now. Amy is a 39 year old from Baraboo, Wisconsin who is currently fighting pancreatic cancer. She had radiation and chemo prior to her surgery and now is lucky enough to be having a second round of chemo. She enjoys napping, reading, and game shows. Please join me in welcoming her to our pageant.
Applause here again from all of you.

Thanks for reading and responding to the blog. We so appreciate your comments. I love you all!!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - A

I’m sitting here typing this at 11:00pm and it’s still 89 deg outside. This past weekend was oppressively hot and it looks like it’s going to be that way for awhile! We tried to stay indoors as much as possible to avoid the heat so this weekend we watched several movies, cleaned house and just kept it low key. Amy has started feeling better and has actually slept the whole night through the past two nights. She seems to be eating better/more and is able to keep it down.
So, after a restful, low key weekend, Amy was ready for Monday and went down with a friend from church to have her next infusion…except the only thing is, she didn’t get to have a treatment, her blood work showed that her White Cell Blood Count was extremely low and they can’t safely continue treatment until her counts are back up. She’s supposed to wash her hands frequently, wear a breathing mask when she’s out in public places and avoid animals (among other things). This is kind of a two edged sword in that it’s nice that she’ll get a week off from treatment, but she’ll be postponing treatment that can help her. Not letting this get her down, she donned her mask and we went to the softball game tonight. It sparked many conversations (like friends telling her that she needs to color the mask with big red lips or coloring it yellow to look like a duck bill!) and she took it all in stride. She’s bound and determined to not let this stop her.

A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles. - Christopher Reeve

Amy, you have and continue to find the strength to carry on. Yes, there have been times when you have felt the touch of hopelessness…the breath of despair, but you have endured and pushed through. Know and rest assure that I will be there…each step of the way…I love you…you are my hero!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy had a pretty good day; she was hungrier, actually ate three meals and was able to keep it all down! She ran a few errands with Brittany, but other than that, kept a pretty low profile. Our church held a spaghetti dinner and silent auction to help raise money for our MOPS (mothers of pre-schools) group tonight and we took the kids (minus Brittany as she went with her friends to the county fair). It was nice to see Amy get out. The dinner was good and I bid $15 on 4 tickets to see a Minnesota Twins game of my choice…my bid won! It’s too bad they don’t play the Red Sox anymore this year; it would have been fun to take Trevor to see his favorite team.

For Amy, this has been an emotional and tiring week. The fear and anxiety of starting chemo gave way to the reality of nausea and lack of energy. The nausea has gotten better as the week progressed, but it makes my wonder if this will be the cycle each week she’s on it; start off sick to her stomach and as the week passes, so will her nausea…just to start again come Monday.

For the kids, their days go on…they carry on with their play, their classes or their activities. The younger two; innocent and blissfully ignorant of all but the fact that their mom is sick and that mom isn’t as accessible as she used to be. The older two try and pick up the slack and they run interference to help their mom get the rest she needs.

For me, this has been a long week. There were never enough hours in the day and I feel emotionally and physically drained.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

The Chemo is really sapping Amy’s strength so she takes a couple of naps and usually goes to bed around 8:00pm or 8:30pm. She’s also seen the return of back pain and nausea (I think the back pain is due to her being less active again, but what do I know!). I have no idea how she thinks she’s going to go back to work this fall.

People continue to ask how we’re doing, how can they help and I generally answer that we’re doing OK and even financially we’re OK for now (summer is typically a tough time financially for us because Amy’s off work, but because of the generosity of family and friends, this summer has not been as tough). Of course there are needs and I know there will be more as fall and winter come, especially considering that Amy most likely wont be working. I do worry about perceptions and wonder if there are those who are growing weary of hearing about our troubles and our difficulties. Not that I’ve heard anyone voice any of this, but people have been helping and offering to help since March of this year and I can’t help but wonder if some are bothered by it.

I ask for your prayers for:
1- Our finances as we move into school (fall) and colder weather (winter)
2- Me to stay healthy (both mentally and physically) and strong, for patience and clarity of thought
3- That both Amy and I would model, in a positive way, how to live this season of our lives in such a way as to be pleasing to the Lord.
4- Most importantly that Amy’s body would quickly become accustom to the chemo so that her strength and stamina would return. That she would start sleeping through the night. That her mental well being stays healthy.

Dear Heavenly Father, You are our strong defender and protector! We thank You that You are always there to defend and protect us against our fears and worries. You teach us that all we have to do is to put all our worries and all of our fears into Your hands and You will give us rest. Show us how to rest in You when we get too tired and to rely upon You for our strength. We praise You God, and we will sing about Your greatness. In your holy name, Amen.

Psalms 73:26 - My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Yes, yesterday was extremely hard for Amy. I watched Amy as she told her oncologist that she had been dreading this day and I saw the first tear leave a wet trail of sad resignation down her cheek. Her doctor asked her what part was she dreading and as Amy answered 'All of it! I really thought that I'd be feeling better by now. I SO want this to be over', she continued to break down until the last came out of her in soft sobs. I intently studied Dr. Mulkerin's face and especially his eyes while he looked at Amy in silence for what must have been a good 20 seconds, looking for any sign of a 'crack' in his seasoned shell of professionalism and thought I saw the faintest hint of something but could not be for certain. When he finally started to speak, he leaned in towards Amy so quickly that he actually startled me. He took Amy’s hand and told her ‘I think I can help you, I think we can make you feel better.’ Next, he did something that no one who has seen Amy medically had ever done, he turned to me and asked, ‘…and how are you doing?’ this caught me so completely off guard that I couldn’t physically answer him. Tears blurring my vision, I looked away and just shook my head. No, I’m not OK! I have watched Amy writhe in pain, loose strength, beg for mercy, puke until she dry heaves, loose sleep, question why this is happening to her, shake uncontrollably and weep (all many many times). If any of you could watch your spouse go through this without being affected or altered in someway, you’re a stronger man than I. My only strength is in the Lord, I know if I had only my own strength to rely on, I wouldn’t have made this far and I thank the Lord for it.
Dr. Mulkerin prescribed a medication to help combat depression (which we’ve found out is higher in Pan Can patients) and another to help her sleep better at night.

Make no mistake; Amy understands why this is necessary. She understands that she needs to do this to give herself the absolute best chance of defeating this disease. She understands she needs to do this for our children...for her family...for me.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Today Amy started her post-operative chemotherapy. Last time it was a six week regimen, this time it will last for 6 months. She will go to Madison once a week for a 30+ minute infusion of the chemo drug Gemcitabine and depending on how her body tolerates the drug, the regimen will be 3 weeks on, 1 week off. I have had many people ask me if all of her margins were clear and if the pathology results all showed a negative presence of cancer, why does Amy need more chemo? Her oncologist answered this question by explaining that Pancreatic Cancer has one of the highest percentages of recurrence compared to other cancers and that patients who show a spread of the disease and who have had the whipple surgery, but do not opt to take the post-operative chemo, only 4% survive longer than 11 months. Patients who have had the Whipple, do not show any spread of the disease and DO NOT opt to take the post-operative chemo, only 15% survive longer than 24 months. Patients like Amy, who have had the Whipple, do not show any spread of the disease and DO opt to take the post-operative chemo, have a 40% survival rate past 5 years. During the chemo, they will be constantly monitoring her blood levels and she will have several CT Scans as well. Amy has been dreading this day for quite awhile and her anxiety has been building over the past 2 weeks or so. Today was extremely tough for her and she was brought to tears many times.

I will write more on Amy’s visit tomorrow…

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy had a pretty good day yesterday. She had to drive Trevor to his last baseball game of the season by herself because I was unable to leave work early. Now that Trevor’s finished with baseball, he moves right into summer basketball (no moss on that boy!). Today Amy took Brittany for her first driving experience, Brittany said it was scary and Amy said that she’s going to have to invest in a whiplash collar.

Isn't it strange how $20 dollars seems like such a large amount when you place it in the offering plate at church, but such a small amount when you go shopping? Isn't it strange how 2 hours seem so long when you're at church, and how short they seem when you're watching a good movie? Isn't it strange that you can't find a word to say when you're praying, but you have no trouble carrying on a conversation with a friend? Isn't it strange how difficult we find committing ourselves to daily Bible reading, but how easy it is to read 100 pages of a popular novel that holds no lasting impact in our lives? Isn't it strange how everyone would ‘just die’ to get front-row-tickets to a pro-sporting event, but when it comes to church the back rows fill up first? Isn't it strange how we need to know 2-3 weeks in advance before we can/will commit to an event for Church, but we can make room in our busy schedules when a friend offers free tickets to a concert at the last second? Isn't it strange how difficult it is to spread the Gospel of Christ, but how easy it is to spread gossip? Isn't it strange how everyone wants a place in heaven, but they don't want to believe, do, or say anything to get there? Isn't it strange how we send jokes in e-mails and they are forwarded right away, but when we go to send messages about God, we think twice about it first before we share it with others? Isn’t it strange that when the hard times come, when we’re beaten, tired and can take no more, we cry out to God and anxiously wait for his intervening hand, but when times are good and we’re livin’ large and don’t have a care in the world, we pack Him up and put Him on a shelf next to a forgotten toy and a rusty wrench?

God isn’t a plaything, nor is He a tool to be picked up, used and put away again. He is our heavenly father, our Creator and His love for you…for me…bores through the greed, the impatience, our attitudes, our lack of priorities, our fears, our inadequacies and our sins. Then He nails them through His son to the cross. He will complete us, correct our wrongs and wash us clean…if we let Him.

He’s calling, how will you answer?

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy woke up at 1:00am and couldn’t get back to sleep until 4:00am. We’re not really sure what to attribute this sleeplessness to, but I will be sure to ask her oncologist about it next Monday. We had a good meal of Steaks on the grill and corn on the cob for supper last night and other than having to take a break in eating, she ate quite well and I didn’t see or know of any gastric pain because of it. We are obviously still adjusting Amy’s diet and learning. This is probably the most trying and frustrating part of her post-surgical adjustments and it makes mealtimes difficult. Well, it is with a mixed bag of feelings that I announce that Brittany now has her Drivers Permit. I am proud of her passing her test, but I’m not ready to believe that my little girl is old enough to drive. I am nervous and elated all at the same time!

Do you believe that the Holy Bible is literally true and the Word of God? By literal I mean that although written by the hand of men, that the Bible was indeed inspired and God breathed. According to the results of a 2005 Rasmussen survey, in the face of the overwhelming majority (85%) of Americans claiming to be of the Christian faith, this is what was polled concerning the above question:

63% of Americans believe the Bible is literally true and the Word of God. 24% disagree and say it is not.

Among Evangelical Christians, 89% believe the Bible is literally true and 4% say it is not.

Among other Protestants, 70% believe the Bible is literally true.

58% of Catholics believe the Bible is literally true.

65% of women believe the Bible is literally true compared to 61% of men.

77% of Republicans believe in the literal truth of the Bible while 59% of Democrats and 50% of those not affiliated with either major party hold the same belief.

82% of African Americans believe the Bible is literally true and is the Word of God.

59% of White Americans share that view along with 71% of other, primarily Hispanic, Americans.

If we don’t believe that the Bible is the living, breathing Word of God, why do we bother calling ourselves Christians? Why do we go to church each Sunday and listen to our ministers preach from it and read from it if we don’t hold any of it’s teachings to be true? In 2 Timothy 3:16 it says, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” I can hear you say ‘But I do believe it to be true, some of it at least..’ Therein lays the problem, you can’t believe just some of it. You see, you can’t pick and choose which parts to believe and which not to because this Book claims to be THE Word of God, all of it, not just some or just the parts that you or someone else are comfortable with! If there is even one sentence in it that isn’t truth, then NONE of it is. His Word isn’t just an old book of do’s and don’ts that doesn’t have any relevance today, it’s a field guide on how to live life in such a way as to be pleasing and honoring to God. It’s a map that shows you the one and only way to get to heaven which is through His Son, Jesus Christ. In John 14:6 it says, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” Think that through…no one past, present or future can get you to God except Jesus. Think of it another way, you’re in a corridor full of doors…you’ve been searching and clawing for a way to feel complete for longer than you care to admit…you know something has been missing in your life and you’ve tried many of the doors in the corridor like; humanism or fame. Maybe even drugs or mysticism…but each one has always left you empty, lonely, looking for more and eventually you find that you’re back in the same corridor full of doors…consider the one door called Jesus, it’s the last door you will ever need to open because He will complete you…and comfort you…and while all other doors led to disappointment, Jesus NEVER will.

So, why do some people believe in bits and pieces of the Bible? I think it’s because of unconfessed sin and the never ending need for humanity to justify their Godless, anti-moral lives. If they can disprove or lower the importance of the Bible, then they can also discount the moral values taught and modeled within it.

Romans 1: 18-32 The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles. Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Well, we've officially returned from our long weekend and while all of us really had a good time, it's always nice to be home again. We arrived in Waterloo around 3:30pm on Friday and following supper, all of us went to a Bucks baseball game (farm team). On Saturday, we attended Amy's Uncle Bob & Aunt Betty's 50th wedding anniversary mass and reception.'ve been praying for her regularly. It was also nice to see relatives who we haven't seen in quite some time. On Sunday, we went to church at Trinity Bible Church with my sister Denise. This is the church I grew up in and via Pastor Stoeze and vacation bible school, came to know Jesus as my personal savior when I was 6 years old. Again, many people who have been praying for Amy were able to connect with her in a personal way and play witness to the mighty works God has done. After church, we headed over to my sister Donna and her husband Dave's house where we had a small family gathering and ate lunch, laughed a lot and Cy, my oldest nephew, proposed to his girlfriend Dawn (congrats you two!). Sunday evening, most of Amy's family gathered at her folks and Dick grilled hamburgers & hotdogs. After supper, Dennis and I took all of the nephews (and Brittany!) and went to see Superman Returns. On Monday we had a lazy morning and then took the kids to Chuck E Cheese for a few hours over lunch. At 4:30pm all of us went to Betty and Bob's for our annual 4th of July reunion (yeah, I know it was the 3rd but close enough!). We ate and watched the kids play whiffle ball, we ate some more and watched the kids play basketball and oh yeah, we ate some more! When it got dark enough, Bob pulled out the fireworks and with the help of his son Tim; we had ourselves a very nice private (and safe!) display and to top the entire day off, Amy's nephew Blake, announced his engagement to his girlfriend Amanda (congrats you two too!). On Tuesday, we got packed up and on the road to Baraboo at about 11:30am. It's never easy to leave our families and given what Amy has gone through, it's been even more difficult. I am SO thankful for the love and support both of our families have and continue to show us. There isn't a day which goes by that I haven't thanked God for the blessing we have in our families. We ended our day with a festive potluck at Dave and Dianne's (friends from church) house and then watched the very nice fireworks display our city put on.
As you can see, we had a long and very busy weekend. We squeezed as much in and saw as many people as we could. For the most part Amy hung in there, she did take naps when she could and she told me that she dealt pain most of the time. Through some pushing and prodding, Amy did call her doctors today and discussed some of the issues with their nurses. Amy has an appointment with her oncologist next week, so, they will check out some of the issues at that time, but they did act quickly on one aspect and that was to prescribe a digestive enzyme for her. So, we'll see how that helps.

I know we were only gone for 4 1/2 days, but I think about the Old Testement Israelites and how they wandered in the wilderness for 40 years before they were home. I can not imagine wandering even for a month, not calling any place home and they didn't even have the comforts of home that you and I have grown so accustom to.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

230 years ago today in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, 56 brave men, putting their lives and the very lives of their families at risk, signed the Declaration of Independence and with the flourish of a pen, the United States of America was born as we claimed our independence from Great Britain.
As I contemplate the huge task these men took on in writing something that they (the continental congress) ultimately could agree upon and then sacrificed so greatly to uphold, I see what 230 years of wordsmithing, misinterpretation and outright lies have done to many of the documents that our nation was founded on. Every time I turn around, someone is trying to pull God out of America; The Ten Commandments, Prayer in School, The Pledge of Allegiance…and the list goes on.
Most of the trouble stems from purposeful or accidental misinterpretation of the First Amendment clause to the US Constitution which stated that, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of Religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.” Jefferson’s 1786 Act for Establishing Religious Freedom was a forerunner to the First Amendment of the Constitution. Thomas Jefferson fought against Virginia’s state-supported clergy and church, which had been common practice in Europe. He believed that each individual should be free to contribute according to his conscience to a pastor and church of his own choice, and that one’s religious beliefs should not in any way determine his suitability for civil government. Today, we see many who interpret the First Amendment in a manner our forefathers never intended and have made use of the term “Separation of Church and State” to mean that there could or should be no possible impact or influence of Christianity upon civil government or even upon education. The true meaning of the Establishment Clause can be stated in these terms – “Separation of Church from interference by the State.” The only time the expression “Separation of Church and State” was used by a founding father, is in an off-the-record, non-political letter written by Thomas Jefferson to the Danbury Baptist Association. He wrote this letter on July l, 1802 replying to their public address which applauded his stance for establishing Religious Freedom. Jefferson prefaces his statement with an assurance to the Danbury Baptists that he concurs with their belief of man being accountable to God alone for his mode of worship, without the government’s coercion or interference:
…Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between man and his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legislative powers of government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should “Make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,” thus building a wall of separation between Church and State…
The wall of separation between Church and state of which Jefferson speaks, is clearly in reference to protecting religious worship from the government’s interference, and not the government being encroached upon by religious values. Furthermore, the Declaration of Independence itself concludes with an emphasis upon this new nation’s dependence upon God’s protective care:

…with a firm reliance upon the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
It is seen, again and again in the founding fathers’ writings, that they stressed the need of biblical principles and Christian values as the framework for good government. Following are some examples to illustrate this:
Patrick Henry, called the firebrand of the American Revolution, is famous for his declaration, "Give me liberty or give me death." The context of his declaration has been omitted from current history texts. He actually said: "An appeal to arms and the God of hosts is all that is left us... There is a just God that presides over the destinies of nations... Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, almighty God. I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty or give me death."
The following year, 1776, Henry wrote this: "It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great Nation was founded not by religionists but by Christians ... on the Gospel of Jesus Christ." The name of Christ has become anathema in our society and in our government and our courts. And the Ten Commandments are regarded as a religious intrusion that has no place in public life and government. James Madison, the father of our Constitution, would be appalled at our disrespect for those commandments and in the recent judicial decisions to remove the Ten Commandments from the public arena.
Madison said this: "We have staked the whole future of our new nation not upon the power of government, far from it. We have staked the future of all our political constitutions upon the capacity of each of ourselves to govern ourselves according to the moral principles of the Ten Commandments."


Fifty-two of the 56 signers of the Declaration of Independence were orthodox, committed Christians. 24 of those brave men were graduates of seminary and bible colleges. It is clear to me that the greater majority of these men, with much prayer and fear and trembling, came before God at least individually if not collectively as they contemplated their decisions, their fates and their nation.

I love my country and I love my God. I pray that America doesn’t repeat the error that the nation of Israel in the Old Testament did time after time by forgetting God and what He had done for them (Judges 8:33-34 & Psalm 78:9-11)

If tomorrow all the things were gone
I'd worked for all my life,
And I had to start again
with just my children and my wife,
I'd thank my lucky stars
to be living here today,
'Cause the flag still stands for freedom
and they can't take that away.

I'm proud to be an American
where at least I know I'm free,
And I won't forget the men who died
who gave that right to me,
And I gladly stand up next to you
and defend her still today,
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
God Bless the U.S.A.

From the lakes of Minnesota
to the hills of Tennessee,
Across the plains of Texas
from sea to shining sea.
From Detroit down to Houston
and New York to L.A.,
There's pride in every American heart
and it's time we stand and say:

I'm proud to be an American
where at least I know I'm free,
And I won't forget the men who died
who gave that right to me,
And I gladly stand up next to you
and defend her still today,
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
God Bless the U.S.A.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V