Amy's 'momentary trouble'

Well, we did what we always do on Halloween; Amy stays home and passes out the candy and I walk the streets with the kids who shamelessly go from door to door, demanding sweets or promising retribution! Normally this goes on for at least an hour and several miles of walking, but with temperatures hovering around 25 deg. Hope and Vinny got cold after the first couple of blocks. So, about a half hour later and 20 lbs of candy each, we returned home. Brittany stopped going with us about 3 years ago and this year Trevor finally dropped off. I know it's kind of strange, but this is our little tradition, this is what the Howard family does and I can not imagine doing it any other way. And in a melancholy thought, I know that as the kids continue to grow older, these traditions will either move with our kids and into their families or go by the wayside and be forgotten.

Last night Amy was in quite a bit of pain and started having some issues taking a deep breath. This was being caused by the build up of the fluid again. She was taken to Madison and they drained another 4.1 liters from her today and she feels SO much better. I have also noticed since about Saturday she is starting to eat more and more often which is a huge plus!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Amy slept quite a bit today, but did get up for supper and didn’t return to bed until after the Cardinals defeated the Tigers to win the World Series. She stuck it out and even snacked on some string cheese and an apple. By the way, I forgot to report that we found out yesterday that Amy has gained 6 pounds! I know that sounds odd on this day and age where everyone is weight conscious and wanting to cut weight, but this is a good thing for Amy.

Through out this self-described roller coaster ride, I can honestly say that while I haven’t lost faith in God and His plan for Amy and us, the foundation has withstood some pretty harsh direct blows. And it’s been during those times that I’ve discovered that God’s faithfulness has never depended on the faithfulness of us, His children. He is faithful even when we aren’t. When we lack courage, He doesn’t. He has authored history by using people in spite themselves and their imperfections. Need an example? Take the feeding of the five thousand. It’s the only miracle, aside from those of the week leading up to Jesus’ crucifixion, which is recorded in all four gospels. Why do you suppose out of all the miracles Jesus performed, all four writers thought this one worth recording? Perhaps they wanted to show how God doesn’t give up even when His people do…When the disciples didn’t pray, Jesus prayed. When the disciples didn’t see God, Jesus sought God. When the disciples were weak, Jesus was strong. When the disciples were afraid, Jesus was fearless. When the disciples lacked faith, Jesus’ faith was immovable. Oh what it must have been to sit at His feet!
I simply think that God is greater than our weakness. In fact, I think that through our weakness and reliance upon Him, His glory is revealed and He is honored.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Greetings to all and God bless! Thank you, all of you who have responded and have shown your support for Amy this day! It does our hearts glad to hear that Amy is on so many people's minds from Wisconsin to Texas and even to India (and today, we've had people from: Morocco, Italy, China, Germany, Sweden & the United Kingdom reading the blog!). Today Amy, her mother, her three sisters and I all went to Madison to meet with the doctor to review yesterday’s CT Scan. The scan came back yet again showing no sign of cancer. We pressed and prodded and well, felt like we put that doctor to the inquisition and he said that while they're not 100% sure, they now believe that the cancer has in fact NOT returned. The spots on her liver (which have been there since her first scan even before her diagnosis) remain unchanged, the fluid continues to test negative for cancer and her CA19-9 continues to fall (it’s 95 now). They are attributing all of this (Amy's lack of strength, energy, etc) to the clot in her Hepatic vein and fluid build up. The CT Scan also clearly showed that the re-canalization (new capillary growth) is progressing nicely and they expect that if this continues, Amy should start turning the corner in about 3 weeks. The doctor also said that they would like to re-join her chemo treatments in order to finish the full recommended regimen. We pushed back somewhat and asked if this could please be put off until Amy is back on her feet. This is confusing, having the doctors say one thing 5 days ago and then do a 180 turn today. We truly believe that God has yet again shown His grace and love by revealing Himself through the affirmation of Amy's healing. We know and understand that this is no guarantee (who of us has a guarantee of even one more day?), but God also asks us not to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself. So, rejoice with us tonight as God continues to work His plan through Amy!

I would ask for your prayers; for understanding in all of this and in absence of understanding, peace. It’s heart wrenching, physically draining, mentally distracting and spiritually absorbing to experience these extreme peaks and valleys and while I know growth comes through adversity, we sure could use a respite!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Amy had another 3.1 liters of fluid drained from her today and tonight they performed a CT Scan. She went down to Madison with her mother and all three of her sisters met them there. All of them will be traveling up here afterward and spending the night with us (I told Kelly, her OLDER sister that I’ve set up a cot for her out in the garage!) and then all of us will be going back down tomorrow for more tests and to find out the results from her doctor.

I am very tired…physically, emotionally and spiritually. I may add to this later in the evening, but for now I have no more to say. PLEASE don’t forget to support Amy by wearing purple tomorrow and if someone, who isn’t wearing purple, asks you why, tell them about Amy. If you can, please drop a quick comment letting us know that you wore purple, it really does Amy’s heart good to read about those who have and continue to show their support.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Amy met with her oncologist today. He wants to keep a closer eye on her since he pulled her off of chemo so; he’s seeing her every week now…he wants to be able to more quickly/accurately ascertain her progress. Today he confirmed with Amy and her mother what he talked to me about last Thursday and Friday, that in spite of the scans and various tests, he feels the chances are that the cancer has returned. He went on to explain that Amy should have shown significant improvement by now, but instead has shown a steady decline and this is classic in a patient where cancer has recurred. He told Amy that she and I need to sit down together and start preparing and make some decisions. He went on to say that he hasn’t given up hope…he could be wrong and Amy might bounce back, but it’s the very fact that she hasn’t that has him concerned. Amy was supposed to have another CT Scan sometime next month, but he has moved that up to tomorrow (at 6:45pm). I had a discussion about her CT Scans with her doctor last week when he called me. Typically, when pancreatic cancer metastasizes, it will spread either into the liver, lower lobes of the lungs or into the stomach/bowels. So I asked him how high the scans were, if they included the lower lobes of the lungs. He said that the scans did show the lower tips of the lobes and these appeared to be clear. I also asked him about the stomach/bowels and he said that the CT Scan indicated some thickening of the wall of the small bowel/intestines, but he attributes this to the fluid build up.

Tomorrow, Amy has her CT Scan, but Thursday we will be told the results. I would like to ask for your support by once again wearing purple this coming Thursday. Please spread the word as many no longer read this blog regularly. Let's raise awareness, let's support Amy, let's storm the gates!

Can you imagine the outcome if a parent honored each and every request of each child during a cross country trip? Between stopping for snacks, bathroom breaks and stops to keep them from getting too bored, it would take you forever (if ever!) to get to your destination.
Now, can you imagine the chaos if God indulged each of ours?

1 Thess. 5:9 says: For God has not destined us to the terrors of judgment, but to the full attainment of salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Note God’s destiny for your life…Salvation. God’s overarching desire is that you (that is: you, me…everyone!) reach that destiny. His itinerary includes stops that encourage your journey. He frowns on stops that deter you. When His sovereign plan and your earthly plan collide, a decision must be made. Who’s in charge of this journey? If God must choose between your earthly satisfaction and your heavenly salvation, which do you hope He chooses?...me too.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. To these I commit myself daily. If I succeed, I give Him thanks. If I fail, I seek His grace. And then, when each day is done, I place my head on my pillow…and rest.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Saturday night, good friends of ours brought supper to us and we ate together, chatted and watched the Cardinal’s win game one of the World Series together. It was a nice relaxing time. After they left, Amy said that she wasn’t feeling the greatest, that she knew she was ‘filled’ up again and was finding it difficult to breath. Normally, she got tapped when she went down to get her treatments on Monday, but this was Saturday night and it was after 10pm. Not wanting to travel down to the UW Hospital to have this done, we went to St. Claire’s right here in Baraboo. It was different, they did it via gravity feed as apposed to vacuum bottle, but 5.2 liters later, they eventually got the job done (we went in around 10pm and came home around 2:30am). Because of the late night on Saturday, we kept a very low profile on Sunday and rested.

Think for moment about this question: What if God weren’t here on earth? What if His presence, His favor, His blessings were gone? You think people are cruel now, imagine what we’d be like without the presence of God. If you think we’re brutal to each other now, imagine the world without the Holy Spirit. You think there is loneliness…despair and guilt now, imagine life without the touch of Jesus. No forgiveness…no acts of kindness…no words of love and encouragement…no blessing…no order…no hope. No more food given in His name. No more songs sung to His praise and no more deeds done in His honor. If God took away His angels, His grace, His promise of eternity and His servants, what would the world be like? …in a word? Hell.

Bring the Rain – Mercy Me
I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that we've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since our lives were changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy

Thanks, Donna…

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

I talked with my sister Donna today and during the conversation we talked about Amy’s and my week, our kids, their up coming week and faith. She paid me a very nice compliment concerning my faith which in turn got me thinking about faith and what faith requires of us.
James 2:26 says that ‘Faith that does nothing is dead!’
Faith is NOT the belief that God will do whatever we ask or provide whatever we want. Faith IS the belief that God will do what is right and that despite the outcome; He knows what’s best for each of us. God is always near and always available. Just waiting to hear your voice…to feel your touch. So, let Him know…demonstrate your devotion:

Write a letter.
Be Baptized.
Ask forgiveness
Treat everyone the way you want to be treated, in spite of the way they treat you!
Feed a hungry person
Help the infirmed or elderly
Pray
Teach
Go!

Do something…anything that demonstrates your faith. For faith with no effort isn’t faith at all! God WILL respond, He has never rejected a genuine gesture of faith…Never.

I want to make one thing abundantly clear. In spite of what her oncologist’s unconfirmed ‘feelings’ are (as related in Thursday’s posting), Amy and I have not abandoned hope and we continue to hold to the evidence which continues to point to Amy’s healing. That is not to say that we don’t have our moments of despair, after all we are quite well aware of what the world tells us the odds are (and if any of you aren’t aware, you should be). However, this is where our faith and belief in God and His holy word enters in. I want each of you reading this entry to scroll back to the top of the page and re-read the verse that is always there, because this is what we believe…this is what WE live day in and day out. With God’s strength, we do look through that which is seen (the world and what it tell us is truth) to that which is unseen (the hope and promises that God gives us in His Word that is actual truth).
This blog was created with the intent to supply updates on Amy’s condition, a view into our family life and reflections of Amy’s and my thoughts, fears, hopes and triumphs in the midst of this journey. Sometimes it’s sad, sometimes it shows our weakness, but I always try to drawn it back to a hope. But it is true to our lives, how we feel and what we believe.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

It was a day of visitors for Amy as our niece left from her visit, another friend came and sat with Amy for awhile. During this visit, another came and raked our leaves. Some where in there, another friend (pink!) came to see Amy as well and another friend came and mowed our lawn (thanks Liz!). Then another friend called and told Amy that she was going to drop by, but that she was running to the store first and wanted to know if she needed anything...Pickles. Amy had a break in mid-afternoon and was actually alone for awhile until the kids came home and later in the afternoon, Amy's parents arrived for a weekend visit. So, a lot of activity around the house today. Amy kept her feet up better today and they're not as swollen as they have been.
Please pray for Amy first and foremost, that she continues to improve and that the improvement may be quick. Pray that her Portal Vein Thrombosis resolves itself quickly so the fluid build-up stops. Please pray for the kids as they continue to learn how to deal with the emotions and feelings they are experiencing. And last, please pray for me as I continue to try and find ways to express my emotions, my feelings and my thoughts. It is so incredibly hard at times.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Amy slept a lot today. Each time I called home throughout the day, I woke her up. She's been on prednisone for several days now and I guess I was looking for her to get a boost from it. I guess I was kidding myself.
I had a very uneasy conversation with Amy's oncologist today. I was driving myself to my appointment with my cardiologist when he called me on my cell phone. He said that he was calling me because Amy's last visit was a particularly sad one and he wanted to know how Amy has been over the past few days, how I was holding up and since I wasn't at the last appointment, wanted to know if I needed anything clarified. We talked about the fluid build up and that previous to the onset of that, I thought Amy was starting to turn the corner. We talked about a few other aspects of Amy's recovery when he said that he is concerned and that he expected Amy should have started to get better by now, but instead he has seen a steady decline in her physically, emotionally and mentally. And in spite of every test coming back negative for cancer recurrence, there is a very real chance that the cancer has returned and they just can't detect it right now. He's not saying that it has returned, but he is saying that given Amy's current state of health, that is a posibility. I asked about doing a biopsy to be sure and he said that given Amy's health, he wouldn't suggest it and even if we discovered that the cancer had returned, they wouldn't be able to use that information to change her course of treatment.
I'm not sure how to take what he told me...tonight has been a tough one for me as my mind has been mulling this over and over again.

Psalm 4:1
Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

I actually saw some spunk in Amy tonight that I haven't seen in about 2 months. One of the kids did or failed to do something that rose Amy's ire and she gave them what for! I know this may sound like an odd thing to get excited about, but you have to understand that Amy hasn't had the energy to force a smile let alone any sort of discipline and to see her take even this small step is an encouragement.

Psalm 46
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields [b] with fire. "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

Do you truly believe that? Do you believe that God is your strength...your ever-present help in the face of trouble? I can hear some of you say, ‘but where was God when…’ a loved one died untimely, or left you or betrayed you…and yes, when someone you love was diagnosed with cancer…He’s looking down and with tears running down His checks saying. ‘Oh you, who are weary and heavily burdened, come to me and I will give you rest.’ Again, I can hear, ‘but why did He let this happen!?’ It’s not Him! He didn’t choose this! He didn’t want life to be this way! It was Adam and Eve…It was us!...It was you and I. Through Adam & Eve’s original sin, pain, suffering and decay entered the world. I am here to attest that if it weren’t for God’s strength…God’s ever-present help…God’s perfect love, I know I couldn’t have made it through as far as I have.

Unto Him who consistently shows us His love, His strength and His grace, be shown glory and honor and praise!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Amy had another 4.1 liters of fluid drawn from her today. Her sister-in-law DeeDee took her and she said that it was very strange to literally watch her stomach 'deflate'. Amy was extremely tired tonight and actually struggle to remain awake at times. Amy's doctor has put her on prednisone now to help put her on the road to more energy and quicker recovery from the Chemo.
Please help me pray for Amy's quick recovery from the Chemo and for the kids as well. I have noticed a change in our older two in the past week or two that may or may not be related to what's going on with there mother. They both know that they can go and talk with their youth pastor or a counselor if they wish to...or even me. I know it's been tough on them.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Today Amy went down to see her oncologist and to get another chemo treatment. She ended up not having her chemo treatment, in fact her doctor stopped her treatments altogether. Seeing how worn down she was, her lack of energy, her weight loss and her own attitude, he has decided it’s to the point where it’s doing her more harm than good. He went on to say that this doesn’t mean she couldn’t return to treatments, but she obviously needs a break. So, Amy will be seeing her oncologist on a weekly basis for awhile so he can keep and eye on her fluid retention and in a month they will do another CT Scan and at that point make a decision about the chemo. He said that Amy not finishing a full 6 months of chemo doesn’t mean anything, the fact that her CA19-9 is at 100, that two consecutive CT Scans show no recurrence of tumor growth and the fact that the fluid withdrawn from her stomach cavity shows a complete absence of cancer cells, are all very positive aspects.

So, the big question is, how does this make me feel? Imagine you’re an amateur boxer and through out your short career, you’ve been able to hold your own. That is until one day; totally out of the blue your manager tells you that you will be fighting the Bone Crusher…tonight! The Bone Crusher is a full head and a half taller and 75 lbs heavier than you. All of it pure muscle. Only 5 out of his last 100 opponents have made it past 5 rounds with him. You make it to the ring, adrenaline pumping & nervous as all get out and before you know it, it’s round one. You dodge and weave and block some major punches while you dance around the ring. He connects with a might punch to your right arm and you feel all strength leave it and it’s all you can do to protect your arm and your face at the same time. If it weren’t for the round ending bell, the first round might have been the last. Breathing hard and with wobbly knees, you make it back to your corner. Some smelling salts, a splash of water and a quick rub down and you’re being pushed up for round two. This punishment continues round after round and where you’ve scored some blows, his shear strength and size continually pounds you down…wears you out…you’re hurt and you can barely stand…sound is rushing in your ears and everything is like slow motion and the referee separates the two of you and with his hands on your shoulders, looks you square in the eyes and then it’s over…just that quick, he calls the fight over. Part of you is relieved…it’s over, the referee might have saved your life by stopping the fight when he did, but on the other hand, you’ll never know what might have happened…what the impact could have been if it wasn’t stopped.

Relief…fear…intertwined, that’s what I felt.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

We went on a little outing today; Amy, Trevor, Vinny, Hope and I all went to the library. I had a few movies that had came in (House of Wax, the original with Vincent Price and the Weather Man with Nicholas Cage)and Amy was picking up a few books that Brittany had ordered and had also came in, but we spent most of our time downstairs in the Children's Library. Vinny was off looking for new Star Wars or robot books and Hope chose a few American Girl books and a book about a pasta maker, become unlikely hero. This book, Amy sat down and read right away to Hope. Amy used to read to our kids almost daily and it was nice to see her doing it again. I sat back and began listening to her retell the story, but I soon found myself listening less and watching more...watching Amy smirk at a particularly humorous circumstance...watching Hope's eyebrows rise or a smile spread across her face as the words that her mother was saying revealed what her eyes where seeing in the pictures on the page. I watched too as other children, hearing the telling, stopped to look and to hear. I watched Amy, ever the teacher, and she literally glowed as she was fully in her element.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

I look at her and see a frailness…a certain fragileness that wasn’t there a year ago. With the weight she has lost and the pain she endures, she feels she’s lost aspects of her womanhood that she fears she’ll never reclaim. She turns to me and apologizes for having changed…for not being the woman she once was…the woman I married. I look at her incredulously, tears welling in my eyes; I softly tell her she’s wrong. Like a delicate flower in full bloom, she’s full of beauty and sweat aroma. The smoothness of her skin and softness of her hair, like petals. Her long slender legs, the stem. There may be many things that she can not presently do, but she’s still Amy…sassy…headstrong…who loves to put her ice cold feet on my warm legs…a mother who loves her children and has ALWAYS placed their needs before hers…a woman who loves her husband and continually strives to make him happy.
Her love, dedication and sacrifice have set a bar so high that we, the recipients of such, can only hope to reach half as high. Has she changed? Hardly! Her steadfastness, perseverance, endurance and ability to overcome, puts all of us…well, at least me…to shame.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Yesterday Amy was on her feet more than she should have been and as a result, retaining part of the fluid gathering in her belly, her ankles were about 1.5 their normal size. She rested quite a bit today and kept her feet up and now they are pretty much back to normal. I am really getting concerned for Amy, she is nothing but skin and bone (having lost about 65 lbs). Combine this with the fact that she can’t eat many of the foods she used to and she’s loosing many nutrients through this fluid build up, I worry about malnutrition. Please pray that God would heal this clot and fluid retention issue quickly.

Today Brittany had to go to Madison to take her Certified Nurse’s Assistant test. She had spent a good portion of the summer taking courses through the MATC Extension. The test was administered in two parts, a written portion and a ‘hands-on’ portion and she needed to be there by 7:30am. This was good for Brittany; it showed her that she really can achieve any goal she sets her mind to and that anything worth doing is worth working hard for. It was a long day for her as she didn’t finish until sometime around 4:00pm, but they let her know right away that she passed with flying colors! Amy and I couldn’t be more proud of her! To think that our ‘baby’ is taking steps to secure her future; setting real, long term goals and achieving them one step at a time! Is she perfect? Far from it. Will she make mistakes? Most assuredly. But God has gifted us with this young woman to raise and with His continued guidance and grace, she is well on her way to becoming the woman He intends her to be.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Well, it’s been several days since I’ve posted a comment, but I’ve been busy trying to clean a nasty piece of malware from our computer and helping Trevor design and build a 3 dimensional model of a sulfur atom (the night before it was due!...needless to say, I wasn’t happy). Anyway, Amy wasn’t able to have her chemo treatment this week as her blood platelets were too low. I view this as a blessing in disguise as she has been very week, tired and discouraged. Maybe this will give her a chance to regain some strength and lift her spirits. They did, however, withdraw another 4.3 liters of fluid from her belly while she was down to Madison yesterday.
Amy had some Iowa visitors today as her mother brought Amy’s aunt and uncle up (who were in Iowa visiting from Tennessee) along with their grandchild and Amy’s (MUCH) older sister Kelly. They went out to lunch together and visited for about three hours before they left to go back. Amy hasn’t seen her aunt and uncle for about 6 years and they had never met Hope. I was at work and wasn’t able to meet up with them, but I am glad for Amy that they were willing to sacrifice the better part of a day to come up for a three hour visit.

2 Peter 3:10-11a But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare. Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be?

What a great question! If you were watching T.V. and the weather man came on and said that a tornado was spotted in the area where you live, what would you do? Take immediate shelter, of course. While you were in college and a professor told you exactly which subjects including chapters and pages where going to be covered on next week’s mid-term, what would you do? Take careful notes so you could use your time wisely. As we live life, we are faced with situations on a daily basis that require a response; you come to an intersection and the light is red, your response (for most people at least) is to stop. For the most part for each situation there is a logical reaction. Later, Peter answers the question; We are to live holy lives and serve God as we wait for and look forward to the coming of the day of God. Just as notification of impending danger elicits an immediate reaction out of us, having read God’s Word and knowing what is expected of His elect and knowing as well what is to come, this too implores a reaction from us. Hope for the future is not a license for irresponsibility in the present. Just because Amy and I are under great physical attack doesn’t mean for one moment that we shouldn’t be about His work. Let us look or ‘wait’ forwardly for the day of the Lord, but let us ‘wait’ actively. For most of us, waiting actually is the problem. We are so good at waiting that miss opportunities and therefore blessings. We forget to look…We are too content…We forget to search the skies…and we seldom, if ever, allow the Holy Spirit to interrupt our ‘all too important’ plans and lead us to His work…for His kingdom…for His worship so that we might see Jesus.

Are you doing His work?

Praise to God!
Your character is holy
Your truth is absolute
Your strength is unending
Your discipline is fair…
Your provisions are abundant for our needs
Your light is adequate for our path
Your grace is sufficient for our sins…
You’re never early, never late
You sent your son in the fullness of time and will return in the consummation of time
Your plan is perfect…
Bewildering…
Puzzling…
Even deeply troubling at times…
But perfect none the less.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Awhile back, a co-worker of mine gave a couple of Badger football tickets to me. It was my intent to take Amy (who, by the way, is a huge sports fanatic), but as the date drew nearer it was plain that she wouldn’t be able to tolerate the walking, the crowds or the length of time required to enjoy the game. So, I took Trevor today to watch the Badgers defeat Northwestern. The seats were incredible, right on the 48 yard line and row 8. We were right behind the Badger bench and were able to watch Stocco warm up as well as their kicker(s). We started the day off having breakfast together as I drove to Madison and during half-time we each had a brat and shared a soda and a big pretzel. It was a good game to watch, full of excitement, a few big plays and enough turn-over’s to make it interesting and fun! The Badgers ended up winning 41 to 9. When we got back home, we continued the theme by playing catch with the football.
It’s difficult enough finding the time to invest with four kids on an individual basis in a normal situation, but when one of the spouses/parents are ill for a lengthy period of time, or incapacitated in some manner, this becomes exponentially more difficult. You have to choose between your kids or your spouse and if you choose your kids, which child get’s your attention? The other kids can not help but notice the extra time spent with the other and this produces other demands on your time. If you choose your spouse, then you have to deal with the guilt of emotional neglect. The obvious answer is balance, but adhering to a strict balance can bring its own set problems as well (who ever said that quality time is better than quantity is dead wrong. If you don’t believe me, test it for yourself).

It is very obvious that Amy’s filling up with fluid again as she looks like she’s about 4 months pregnant. She slept quite a bit this afternoon and is complaining that her sides are hurting her. I fervently pray that the clot will quickly dissipate and pray that Amy will start feeling better each day.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

I brought Amy home today sometime around 4:00pm. The drive was tiring for her, but she was glad to be home. Just like the cobbler, we had ‘elves’ visit our home while I was in Madison with Amy today. These elves came in and not only cleaned our house, but also did laundry and straightened our bedrooms. This was an extremely pleasant surprise and to those of you who did this, thank you ever so much!

While we were waiting for Amy to be discharged this afternoon, I received a call from the High School health office. Brittany was in complaining that her right wrist hurts so much that she was having a hard time writing. The nurse reported that Brittany has a sizable lump near her wrist on her right arm and that Brittany explained that her wrist has been hurting her since playing volleyball at youth group on Wednesday night (this was the first I knew about this!). Being in Madison, I arranged to have one of her friend’s take her to the ER where they looked at her wrist and took some x-rays. Because of swelling, etc, they were not able to make a definitive diagnosis, but feel there’s a good chance that she might have a fracture in her wrist. They put her thumb and wrist in a temporary splint and will re-examine in 3 or 4 days. I’m considering strapping the rest of the family to their beds in order to protect them!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Amy is again spending the night in the hospital as she continues to have an irregular heart beat. Today they discovered that she’s extremely anemic. So much so that they gave her a blood transfusion. By the time I got down there, she was actually feeling pretty good…however, not even two hours later and she was feeling terrible again.
I would ask that you pray for our kids as this (mother absent and I am gone in the evenings) is really starting to take a toll on them.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Amy’s spending another night in the hospital tonight. They had planned on sending her home after they drained some more fluid out of her late this afternoon, but she experienced a very sharp pain afterwards that she never had before and they are still unsure why she’s having these heart PVCs. By the way, they drained a whopping 4.2 liters today, just two days after they drained 3.2 liters! If you’ve been reading, you know that we’ve been concerned as to why this fluid build-up is happening; well, we finally have an answer. Amy had a CT Scan of her abdominal area last night and they revealed the results to us this morning. First, the appearance of the liver shows unchanged since her last scan. This is a VERY good thing! It means that the ‘spots’ that showed up on her liver last time haven’t changed in shape or size and supports the assumption that they are benign Focal Nodular Hyperplasia. Next, the scan also showed that Amy has a clot in her Portal Vein. This vein routes blood from the gastrointestinal tract into the liver. It’s the fact that the flow of blood into the liver is hampered that is causing her fluid build-up. If you remember, when Amy had her ‘whipple’ surgery, the surgeon had to reconstruct Amy’s Portal Vein and in the process narrowed it to some degree. So, they put Amy on a blood thinner to help break-up the clot and a diuretic to help with the fluid build-up.
While we are extremely excited by the news/answers we received today, Amy’s body continues to miss out on needed nutrition as a lot of protein and electrolytes are lost in this fluid and she’s weak enough as it is without this additional loss of nutrients.

I wanted to thank all of you who are praying for us. There are moments where I really feel the weight of this life and I know that if it weren’t for my faith in a very loving, very caring God, the support of friends and family and the prayers of all of you saints, the shear magnitude of it all may very well have over come me.

From Psalm 34:
1 - I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.
3 - Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.
4 - I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
8 - Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
15 - The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry;
17 - The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 - The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 - A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all;

Taste and see that the Lord is good…This is amazing! Have you ever sat down to eat and had no idea what you were about to eat? You can look at it and smell it and both appearance and scent can deceive, but until you actually taste it, you have absolutely no idea whether you’ll like it or not. Here we have God actually giving us a challenge, he’s saying ‘Come, come and taste/see for yourself, try/test me out and see if I am not good…I will prove to you that I am good.’

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Amy is still in the hospital and it appears that the build-up of fluid is coming right back. Tonight she had a CT Scan and when they brought her back to her room she was white as a sheet and visibly shaken. She had an episode while she was gone where she almost passed out. They still are not sure what’s going on and to be honest, I’m starting to get a tad irritated. In the past 6 hours I’ve had a doctor speak to me condescendingly and several nurses tell me that they couldn’t or wouldn’t do something I directed them to do. Tomorrow we'll hear more on the CT Scan results and Amy is also scheduled for an ECG. I’m tired and I’m grouchy.

The funny thing is, before I left to go see Amy tonight, I had a huge conversation with Brittany about grace and the Lord then provided several opportunities for me to practice what I preached!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Amy had another round of Chemo today. They said that her WBC (white blood count) was good and that her CA19-9 was 100 (cancer marker) and that is REALLY good! However, they also had to extract another 3.2 liters of fluid from her stomach cavity. She had 2.5 liters removed last Monday, so she’s had 5.7 liters (or a little more that 1.5 gallons) of fluid drained from her in 8 days. This excess fluid pushes against organs and blood vessels and when this fluid is suddenly drained, it’s not uncommon for the person to have a sudden drop in blood pressure, but Amy experienced chest pain and was gasping for her breath. They quickly hooked her up to a heart monitor and noticed that she was having PVC’s (premature ventricular contractions) which are "extra" heartbeats which occur out of sync with the normal regular rhythm of the heart. They had her lay down for a couple of hours and monitored her. Later she got up and they started up again, but this time when they got her back to bed, she kind of passed out (eyes rolled up into the back of her head and she blacked out), this earned her a night’s stay in the hospital where they will keep an eye on her and conduct more tests including a CT Scan.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V