Amy's 'momentary trouble'

With the passing of each day, Amy continues to improve. It’s really encouraging to see her steadily regain her energy. Along with her energy, her natural tendency towards being…how should I say this…resistant…is starting to return. For those of you who really, REALLY know Amy…you know what I mean (but HOW I love that woman!).

The following story was sent to me yesterday by my brother-in-law. The original author is unknown, but that doesn’t matter. Admittedly, it is quite lengthy, but I would ask that you PLEASE read it. Read all of it and if possible without interruption. Thank you…

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Don’t Leave It On The Desk

There was a certain Professor of Religion named Dr Christianson, a studious man who taught at a small college in the western United States.

Dr. Christianson taught the required survey course in Christianity at this particular institution. Every student was required to take this course his or her freshman year, regardless of his or her major. Although Dr Christianson tried hard to communicate the essence of the gospel in his class, he found that most of his students looked upon the course as nothing but required drudgery. Despite his best efforts, most students refused to take Christianity seriously.

This year, Dr. Christianson had a special student named Steve. Steve was only a freshman, but was studying with the intent of going onto seminary for the ministry. Steve was popular, he was well liked, and he was an imposing physical specimen. He was now the starting center on the school football team, and was the best student in the professor's class. One day, Dr. Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him.

"How many push-ups can you do?"

Steve said, "I do about 200 every night."

"200? That's pretty good, Steve," Dr. Christianson said. "Do you think you could do 300?"

Steve replied, “I don't know... I've never done 300 at a time."

"Do you think you could?" again asked Dr. Christianson.

"Well, I can try,” said Steve.

"Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I have a class project in mind and I need you to do about 300 push-ups in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it,” said the professor.

Steve said, "Well... I think I can...yeah, I can do it"

Dr. Christianson said, "Good! I need you to do this on Friday. Let me explain what I have in mind."

Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room. When class started, the professor pulled out a big box of donuts.

No, these weren't the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited it was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend with a party in Dr. Christianson's class.

Dr. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, "Cynthia, do you want to have one of these donuts?" Cynthia said, "Yes."

Dr. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?" "Sure." Steve jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. When Steve again sat in his desk, Dr. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia's desk.

Dr. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, "Joe, do you want a donut?"

Joe said, "Yes." Dr. Christianson asked, "Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut?"

Steve did ten push-ups, Joe got a donut. And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did ten pushups for every person before they got their donut.

Walking down the second aisle, Dr. Christianson came to Scott. Scott was on the basketball team, and in as good condition as Steve. He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship.

When the professor asked, "Scott do you want a donut?" Scott's reply was, "Well, can I do my own pushups?"

Dr. Christianson said, "No, Steve has to do them." Then Scott said, "Well, I don't want one then."

Dr. Christianson shrugged and then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten pushups so Scott can have a donut he doesn’t want?" With perfect obedience Steve started to do ten pushups.

Scott said, "HEY! I said I didn't want one!"

Dr. Christianson said, "Look, this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and these are my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don't want it." And he put a donut on Scott's desk.

Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow.

Dr. Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry. Dr. Christianson asked Jenny, "Jenny, do you want a donut?" Sternly, Jenny said, "No."

Then Dr. Christianson asked Steve, "Steve, would you do ten more push-ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn’t want?" Steve did ten....Jenny got a donut.

By now, a growing sense of uneasiness filled the room. The students were beginning to say "No" and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks.

Steve also had to really put forth a lot of extra effort to get these pushups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face, his arms and brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved.

Dr. Christianson asked Robert, who was the most vocal unbeliever in the class, to watch Steve do each push up to make sure he did the full ten pushups in a set because he couldn't bear to watch all of Steve's work for all of those uneaten donuts. He sent Robert over to where Steve was so Robert could count the set and watch Steve closely.

Dr. Christianson started down the fourth row. During his class, however, some students from other classes had wandered in and sat down on the steps along the radiators that ran down the sides of the room. When the professor realized this, he did a quick count and saw that now there were 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it.

Dr. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next.

Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set.

Steve asked Dr Christianson, "Do I have to make my nose touch on each one?"

Dr. Christianson thought for a moment, "Well, they're your pushups you are in charge now. You can do them any way that you want." And Dr. Christianson went on.

A few moments later, Jason, a recent transfer student, came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled in one voice, "NO! Don't come in! Stay out!"

Jason didn’t know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said, "No, let him come."

Professor Christianson said, "You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten pushups for him?"

Steve said, "Yes, let him come in. Give him a donut"

Dr. Christianson said, "Okay, Steve, I'll let you get Jason’s out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?"

Jason, new to the room, hardly knew what was going on. "Yes," he said, "give me a donut."

"Steve, will you do ten push-ups so that Jason can have a donut?" Steve did ten pushups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down.

Dr. Christianson finished the fourth row, and then started on those visitors seated by the heaters. Steve's arms were now shaking with each push-up in a struggle to lift him against the force of gravity. By this time sweat was profusely dropping off of his face, there was no sound except his heavy breathing; there was not a dry eye in the room.

The very last two students in the room were two young women, both cheerleaders, and very popular. Dr. Christianson went to Linda, the second to last, and asked, "Linda, do you want a doughnut?" Linda said, very sadly, "No, thank you."

Professor Christianson quietly asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn't want?" Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow pushups for Linda.

Then Dr Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. "Susan, do you want a donut?"

Susan, with tears flowing down her face, began to cry. "Dr. Christianson, why can't I help him?"

Dr. Christianson, with tears of his own, said, "No, Steve has to do it alone, I have given him this task and he is in charge of seeing that everyone has an opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not. When I decided to have a party this last day of class, I looked my grade book.

Steve here is the only student with a perfect grade. Everyone else has failed a test, skipped class, or offered me inferior work. Steve told me that in football practice, when a player messes up he must do push-ups. I told Steve that none of you could come to my party unless he paid the price by doing your push ups. He and I made a deal for your sakes."

"Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Susan can have a donut?" As Steve very slowly finished his last pushup, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 pushups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.

Dr. Christianson turned to the room and said,

"And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, on the cross, plead to the Father, 'into thy hands I commend my spirit.' With the understanding that He had done everything that was required of Him, He yielded up His life.
And like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the desk, uneaten."

Two students helped Steve up off the floor and to a seat, physically exhausted, but wearing a thin smile.

"Well done, good and faithful servant," said the professor, adding "Not all sermons are preached in words."

Turning to his class, the professor said, “My wish is that you might understand and fully comprehend all the riches of grace and mercy that have been given to you through the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He spared not His only Begotten Son, but gave Him up for us all, for the whole Church, now and forever. Whether or not we choose to accept His gift to us, the price has been paid."

"Would it not seem ungrateful to leave it lying on the desk?"

Amy’s still struggling with periodic queasiness, but it’s not keeping her from eating. The last couple of nights she’s not been able to sleep the night through. She’s been waking up anytime between 3 & 5 AM and she’ll be up for about two hours before she can settle back down to sleep. This obviously leaves her very tired by 8:00pm.

Please pray that Amy would recover quickly from her treatments and that the time between now and when her CT Scan is performed goes quickly. Pray too that the treatments were effective and that God would reveal His glory by miraculously healing Amy. Pray for a 'normal' summer for the kids (we are so used to running the kids from one activity to the next, I'm just not sure how this will work out.)

Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. -- Elton Trueblood

Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth. -- Susan L. Taylor

Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible. -- Corrie Ten Boom

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Today is the first day in 6 weeks that Amy didn’t have to get up early and travel to Madison for treatment. She was able to stay in bed and get a little extra sleep. It felt kind of strange not having the usual morning hustle of getting all the kids ready and on their separate ways while making sure that we left in enough time to get to her appointment promptly. Amy is still tiring easily and deals with a queasy stomach every once in awhile, but all in all I feel she’s doing well. She asked me today if she was ever going to get back to normal. I told her ‘of course!’ It seems to me that in the mornings she has issues with nausea due it part (or wholly) to draining in her throat and in the evenings, she just plain runs out of gas.

In my estimated count, about 270 people supported Amy (and Pancreatic Cancer Awareness) by wearing purple yesterday. Amy’s mother wrote a letter to the editor of the Baraboo News Republic which appeared in today’s paper. Her eloquently written letter expressed her gratitude to both the Baraboo community and our church family for supporting Amy and our family. She went on to say (and I have to agree) that Baraboo is a small town with a big heart. To all of you, we say Thank You!

We are given a command in the Psalms to ‘Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise; be thankful unto him, and bless his name.’ (Psalm 100:4). I have come to realize that the quantity as well as the quality of thankfulness I express to God is anemic at best. We are shown in the book of Romans what can happen when we forget to be thankful. ‘Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.’ (Romans 1:21). We have been so blessed by God through each of you that life starts to get in the way and at times I forget to nurture my gratitude towards God. When you enter into prayer, do you take the time to thank God for specific blessings that He has bestowed on you or do you offer up a general thank you? I have done that, I’m not proud of admitting it, but I have. God has provided His son, Jesus Christ, to atone for our sins. As if that is not enough to be thankful for, consider your family, friends, health, safety, religious freedom or the very air we breath; the list is endless. When we are truly and deeply thankful with God, we will find peace. The Bible says ‘Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.’ (Colossians 3:15). The book of Psalms mentions the word thanks nineteen times. That is just one word. Many of the words that David used were in thankfulness. David was considered a friend of God. I want to be considered a friend of God. So, I am determined to give Him more thanks. I must change the way I think so that I remember God in all things. That is the goal to aim at; to thank God in all things, in all circumstances, in all places, even in the worst circumstances of life. After all, That is what "entering into the gates with thanksgiving" means to me.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Well, today’s the day to wear PURPLE. I have my purple wrist band on as well as a White/Navy & Purple stripped shirt on. Are you wearing purple? If so, tell us so we know!

At 7:34 this morning, Amy was escorted into radiation to receive her last treatment. I watched Amy as she came back out about 15 minutes later, the smile on her face revealed her sense of accomplishment and made her face glow like I hadn’t seen in quite some time. She has made it through and she is done! Amy wanted me to tell all of you that as of last night, her appetite has officially returned and she told me today that she feels almost ravenous as if she can not get enough. I STRONGLY cautioned my wife against submitting to this urge and to take it slowly. She still tires easily, but her radiological oncologist told her that she should rebound from that quickly.

John 6: 1-13 Some time after this, Jesus crossed to the far shore of the Sea of Galilee (that is, the Sea of Tiberias), and a great crowd of people followed him because they saw the miraculous signs he had performed on the sick. Then Jesus went up on a mountainside and sat down with his disciples. The Jewish Passover Feast was near. When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, "Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?" He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do. Philip answered him, "Eight months' wages” would not buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!" Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, spoke up, "Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?" Jesus said, "Have the people sit down." There was plenty of grass in that place, and the men sat down, about five thousand of them. Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish. When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, "Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted." So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.

This passage has amazed me since I was a small boy and still does to this day. Here we have 5000 people following Jesus around because they either saw first hand or had heard about Jesus healing many sick, lame & blind people. Some of them probably wanted to know who this Jesus was, but I’d venture a guess that most of them wanted to see Jesus perform a miracle with their own eyes. After all, you’d be a little more than curious if you saw your neighbor, who had been paralyzed from the waist down for the past 10 years, walking & jumping around! So, it gets to the point where Jesus & the disciples are getting hungry and always having the servants heart, Jesus asks ‘Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?’ First, as Philip pointed out, they didn’t have the money to buy enough bread to feed 5000 people, they probably barely had enough to buy bread for themselves. However, have you ever thought even if they did have the money, where would one go to buy enough bread for 5000 people? They didn’t have bread factories, so my guess is if they went back into town, the most they probably could get from a handful of bakeries is 60 or so loaves; still a far cry from getting even a bite to each person. With that in mind, what is found is a boy with his lunch of 5 small loaves and two similarly sized fish. If 60 or so loaves couldn’t even provide a single bite to each person, this small lunch didn’t stand a chance! But see what happens next, He asked the crowed to sit down, He gave thanks and then passed out the bread & fish to each person…and get this, not just a bite, but ‘..distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted.’ They filled themselves…5000 people filled themselves with what started out to be a boy lunch. When all was said and done, Jesus had his disciples gather that which wasn’t eaten and the leftovers filled twelve baskets! I wonder how many of those 5000 realized that the miracle they came to see with their own eyes had just been served to them?

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

One more day! Tomorrow is Amy’s last day of radiation treatments, after tomorrow, she’ll have had 28 days of radiation aimed at killing or reducing the cancerous tumor on her pancreas. She has come to know the staff operating Linac 4 at the UW Hospital and while she wont miss the treatments, she will miss those kind, caring people. She brought a bag full of ‘Hugs’ & ‘Kisses’ (the Hershey variety) for them to share and attached a short note letting them know how much she has appreciated their care & kind words of support/encouragement. Today, I overheard one of the nurses tell Amy that she was impressed by her spirit because through the treatments, day by day, no matter if it was a good day or a bad one, she always had a smile. Yesterday, I heard her Radiological Oncologist tell her that she’s been an encouragement to him and that he has never seen a patient approach treatment with such tenacity as she has shown (and this from a man who is in his mid 50’s and as a veteran in his field, has seen patients at their best & worst). Going in for treatment day after day, Amy (and I) have come to recognize people as they too come for treatment of their cancer; the older lady in her 80’s who looks so frail, but smiled so big when Hope asked what her name was, the older couple who looked to be in their early 70’s and he pampered her with tenderness and the 34 year old mother of two boys who has been battling brain cancer since 2004, her face swollen from the treatments and the steroids, she was in a wheelchair because she had no strength to walk. Although we never did ask names or trade stories with most, they all came to Linac 4, all from different places, all from different backgrounds, all with a common thread & a battle to wage.

Dear Heavenly Father, I would ask that you shower blessings upon the nurses, technicians and doctors that have taken care of Amy through this phase of her treatment. I do not know how they can see these people, the pain they’re in and how sick they are without it affecting them in some way, they truly reflect your hand of mercy. I would ask that you grant them the strength and courage they need and to keep from becoming hardened and to abundantly bless them with kindness and love so that it might overflow into those under their care. I would pray too for the all of the others that Amy & I have seen that are dealing with cancer and their families as well. Please grant them strength to make it through, courage to face the difficult times and peace to know that you are with them.

One last reminder, tomorrow is PURPLE day. If you are so lead, please wear something purple in support for Amy’s last day of treatments. I am praying that we can realize support in excess of 400 people, but the only way we can tell is if you let us know. Please either enter a comment into the BLOG, or contact us by phone or email (for those of you who know). Thank you in advance!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

I didn’t get a chance to post on Friday as time just got away from me and by the time I had a few minutes, it was already 10pm. Here’s a quick Friday update: Busy day, Amy and her Mom went off to her treatment and I ran the kids to school and then ran back over to Vinny’s school to watch a play that his class put on. After that, I quickly run to work to start my day. A half hour later, his school calls me at work and informs me that Vinny is sick. So, I leave work again, pick him up and head home. Once home, I make Vinny comfortable in bed and shortly thereafter, Amy calls me to let me know that she is still dehydrated and will need some fluids. I never do make it back to work, but Amy still feels good, but she does seem a bit more tired today and still doesn’t eat very much.

We had quite a busy weekend: starting Friday evening with a retirement dinner for 5 of Amy’s teacher friends from GLW Elementary. When we walked in, many of the people came to greet her with a hug or a kind word. Amy felt a bit badly for inadvertently taking some of the focus off from the guests of honor. Later that evening she told me as much and I replied, ‘Amy, don’t be, it’s a testament to how well you are liked and the hearts you have touched.’ Saturday didn’t slow down at all, late morning, we put a boarder up in Hope’s room (with the help of our highly talented neighbors! Thanks Langes!). In the afternoon we had a wedding to attend and that evening we had the dinner reception & dance to attend. Sunday we got up and went to church & Sunday school and by the time we got home (around 11:15am), Amy was wiped. She took two naps while I made my homemade barbeque sauce (I make this once a year and bottle it for use through the year) and then in the evening, we had a church business meeting that lasted until 9:00pm. So, as you can see, Amy had a lot of activity this weekend.

As of today, Amy continues to feel good, although she has a cold and this is causing nasal drainage, which in turn upsets her stomach. She was able to keep what she ate down, but she hasn’t felt like eating too much. She also continues to tire easily as well. Our original plan for these last three treatments was to have my sister Denise come up and take her, but it turns out that she has contracted mumps! In fact, mumps are spreading SO quickly in Iowa, that we have postponed an annual family trip to Dubuque for this coming weekend.

Matthew 11:28 - Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Well, what the difference a day makes! Amy has rebounded VERY nicely. Her energy levels are good and her stamina has increased as well. A typical treatment day has Amy sleeping most of the way back from Madison, but yesterday she chatted her mother’s ear off the entire way home. She ate well and even kept it down! She even had energy to do some house work!

So, how can we account for this amazingly quick turn around? First, let me say that we’re not taking ANYTHING for granted, it may be that this is only temporary, I don’t think so, but if it is, we praise God for it because this is the closest to a normal Amy that I’ve seen in a very long time. So, with that said, we KNOW this amazing turn around is due to the prayer support each and everyone of you are responsible for. We know that God loves the prayers of His people (1 Timothy 2:1-4). When we pray, God chooses how and when He will act. Prayers are never automatic. Prayer is not a mechanism or a mere technique of leveraging heaven's compliance with our desires. God is always wiser and greater than our best prayers. But He loves to answer our prayers, no matter how confused they may be. And this is why: He is honored…He is revealed…and He is praised and glorified when He answers prayer. Thank you for being faithful and praying for us, through the glory this shows our God, He in turn has heard your prayers, He has given ear to your plea and he has, for this time, answered your prayers for comfort & relief of Amy’s suffering.
God IS good!

PS...Don’t forget! Purple day will be this coming WEDNESDAY, April 26th

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy continues to have trouble keeping food & liquids down. After radiation treatment today, they gave her some more fluids and are starting to give her steroids to help her build back her strength faster (I guess that means her dreams of becoming an Olympic athlete are over!). Tomorrow she gets a break from the radiation, but they still want her to come in for another round of fluids & ‘roids. They also gave her a new, stronger anti-nausea medication (pray that this works & with minimal side effects).

Today we are at day 58. It’s been 58 days since we were first told that Amy has pancreatic cancer. It’s been 102 days since Amy first went to her doctor thinking this was a gall bladder issue. It’s amazing, we push and pester and even show our emotions when we need or want something done, or are waiting in line or anything else that may try our patience. Let’s face it, most of us (myself included) often find ourselves waiting for something or someone and we’re impatient about it. In this fast paced world, we want everything now, no waiting and if we have to wait, there had better be a pretty good reason. After all, we have people to see, things to do and places to go! I’m no different, I found myself getting impatient with Amy’s oncologist a few weeks back when she was having all the trouble with the stints. I actually half threatened him when after the second stint got plugged. I told him that ‘..each time one of these stints occlude, it puts off the time when Amy gets to start her Chemo/Radiation treatments by another 5 to 7 days. And knowing how quickly this tumor can grow, each day we put this off, gives the tumor just that much more time to spread. And I want you to know that I’m aware that if the tumor does spread beyond the pancreas, that Amy will not be eligible for the Whipple surgery and if that happens, someone’s going to pay.’ Someone’s gonna pay? What’s up with that? What, I’m going to call in 'da boys'? Do I actually think I KNOW what’s better for Amy then the medical professionals? Impatience…gets me in trouble EVERY time.

Psalm 130: 5-6 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning.

Psalm 46: 10a Be still, and know that I am God.

PS...Because Amy will be going for one additional radiation treatment, Purple day will be WEDNESDAY, April 26th...Please Remember!!!!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Because of Amy’s increased nausea, yesterday they asked her if she wanted to take a break from radiation treatments for a couple days and resume them after. Amy didn’t like that idea, especially considering the fact that she would finish up this next Tuesday (Apr 25th), so she told them no. Last night she continued with the nausea and didn’t want to eat supper, but she did end up pecking at a few items on her plate. She had several episodes of bad back pains and general discomfort, to which I would use the electric massager on her back for about 10 minutes. Today when she went in, she was still dehydrated and her Radiological Oncologist stepped in and told her that he is taking her off from radiation treatments for a few days for her own good. He then conferred with her Oncologist and the two of them made the decision to end her chemo treatments immediately and take her off from radiation treatments for a day. So, as of today her pre-surgical chemo treatments are finished and her radiation will end on Wednesday April 26. Her Oncologist told her however, that because the effects of the chemo is still building in her system, the side effects will peak in about 5 days before they will start to diminish.

So, what’s next? They will leave her alone and let the chemo & radiation fully ‘soak’ into her system and then on May 11th she will have a CT Scan done to see how effective the treatments were in shrinking the tumor. We will meet with her Oncologist and Surgical Oncologist to discuss the findings of the CT Scan and where we go from here on May 16th.

All of this has given me a wide range of feelings & emotions. We’ve finished the first stage and I like the fact that we’re moving to the next, but I’m nervous because 1) They stopped her treatment early and I’m not sure if that will have any bearing on the outcome, 2) We wont know the effectiveness of the treatments for another month. I’m happy for Amy that her treatments are over, but also know that she’ll have more treatments following the surgery. I know I shouldn’t fear and I shouldn’t worry, but I do. I know that my hope & trust is in the Lord, but I don’t know what the final outcome will be, after all our Lord is sovereign. Oh, how I can identify with Ecclesiastes right now.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy held most of her food down yesterday, but she is still dehydrated and so they held her again today to get fluids into her. She is sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and is getting quite discouraged. She has told me that she wonders if she’ll ever stop feeling sick and get her energy back again. I tell her that I pray daily that she does. She had a major stomach pain while she was getting her treatment today so they pumped some Morphine into her IV, this has left her groggy and wiped out. She has 5 treatments left and they have ramped up her radiation treatments from 4 fields to 7 fields. This means that they are shooting radiation beams at the tumor from seven different angles instead of 4. I can tell it is taking a real toll on her and my heart breaks because I know there isn’t anything I can do to relieve her pain or restore her energy.

Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might
For it is not with physical weapons that we must fight
God's Spirit is where our strength comes from
And it is by His power that our battles are won
He serves as our strength when our weakness fails
And because of His strength our victory prevails
For our strength to endure Jesus gave us all there is to give
So we must sacrifice self and through God's strength we can live
Strength cannot be measured by anything we can do
But it is measured by how far we let God take us through
We must focus on what our physical eyes cannot see
Always looking to the hills where our help will always be
We must become humble and see the frailty we bear
But have confidence in Jesus of the victory we share
By being one of His own, and living our lives just for Him
Walking in the Spirit, living holy free from sin
When trials come and it seems to hard to endure
Of this one promise you can always be sure
That His grace is sufficient, no matter the test
And through His strength you will always find rest
When you let God be God and offer up to Him
Your body soul and spirit, and endure to the end
Remember to walk by faith and not walk by sight
So you can be strong in the power of His might
- Borrowed from Carol Jackson ministries

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

We had a nice Eater although the weather was rainy and cold. Because of Amy’s queasiness, I prepared Easter dinner and we had: Brown sugar glazed ham, Herb roasted turkey breast, mashed potatoes with ham gravy, corn and a fruit plate that included fresh sliced pineapple, sliced oranges, sliced strawberries and halved bananas. We had a little Easter mishap on Saturday afternoon that I just HAVE to share. On Friday, Amy and I ran to the store and bought some Easter candy and a few inexpensive gifts for the kids for Easter. We got home and snuck them down to the basement for safe keeping until late Saturday night. As I stated in an earlier post, we went to Janesville and spent Friday night at friends of ours. Well, when we got home Saturday we started to do some cleaning and I assigned the kids to pick up some items and put them away. A short time later, I sent Hope & Vinny downstairs to the basement to do some cleanup down there and it was about two minutes later that at almost the exact same time, Amy came rushing into the kitchen asking me; ‘Where are Hope & Vinny?’ to which I replied, ‘downstairs’, again she said, ‘No…where ARE Hope & Vinny?’ and at the same time I hear Hope say, ‘Vinny, Vinny! Come look! Look at what I seen!’…and it dawns on me, ‘Oh, no…’ Amy, thinking quick, tells the kids to come up quickly, that she needed to show them something in Hope’s room. Hope replied ‘But, Mom, but mom!’ and Amy said, ‘Come quickly!’ and so, they come running up the stairs and after they make it out of the kitchen, I hightail it downstairs and hide the bags in an unused dryer drum, close its door and crept back upstairs. After Amy finished with her diversion, Hope told Amy that she’s GOT to come downstairs and see something and when she came through the kitchen she told me that I too had to come downstairs to see something. We all went downstairs and she took us over to where the bags were…and they were gone. Obviously Hope did not like this, she KNEW she saw something and now it wasn’t there, she was not happy in the least. So, periodically throughout the rest of the afternoon and evening, she had to go back downstairs to see if the bags had returned.

Amy had a rough day Saturday with keeping food down, she’d eat and it seemed that about 20 minutes later she’d throw it back up. Sunday wasn’t as bad, but bad enough. Each time she does, it takes whatever energy reserves she has and drains it. Sunday she kept commenting on how thirsty she was, but was afraid that too much water might also cause her to throw up. Fast forward to today, this morning she had a rather intense stomach pain episode before she left to go for treatment. I just got off the phone from her and she reports that after reporting her troubles keeping things down and her stomach pain, they tested her and discovered that she is dehydrated, so after her 20 minute radiation treatment, they will be keeping her for 1 ½ hours to give her fluids intravenously. After today, Amy has only 6 more treatments. A week from tomorrow (Tuesday, April 25th) is her last treatment & again, I would like everyone who is willing, to support Amy by wearing purple. Last time I estimated that about 400 people wore purple in support and I would like to see if we can double that! In order to see those numbers, we need to ask you to please spread the word, you know about Amy’s condition, so just share the story and ask your friends to wear something purple (it can be anything from a shirt to a ribbon, last time someone even wore purple underwear!) on April 25th. Thanks!

John 4:13-14 says, Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." Now, this comes from the story of the woman at the well and Jesus confused the woman at first because while He had asked her for a drink from the well, Jesus was telling her about the ‘drink’ from the well of salvation. If we as Christians have been given this thirst-quenching gift of living water, then why do we go through periods of spiritual dryness? You know, those awful times when our walk with God seems to stagnate and we end up feeling lost or even abandoned by God? We long for the times when God feels close and we know his presence again, but it seems that everywhere we turn, He’s not there. We will have times of spiritual dryness. It is part of the Lord's way. But the fact we will have spiritual dry spells is not the issue. The important question is what we will do in a time of spiritual dryness? Some of us, during a dry season, will try to prove our love to the Lord. Some of us will try to prove to the Lord our faithfulness toward Him. Some of us will even get angry at God, throwing threats or worse at Him like an impetuous little child. Unconsciously we will be hoping by such self efforts to persuade or pressure Him into returning more quickly and to shine his face once again upon us. What we really need to do is continue to be about the Lord’s work. Pray, Intently study God’s word, Fellowship with other believers & Serve. By doing these things, we ‘wait’ upon the Lord, wait upon Him in a spirit of humility, in a spirit of abandonment, with contentment and resignation…Come before Him quietly and peacefully, recalling your mind to His presence even though His presence may evade you, And in His perfect time, your season of dryness will turn into showers of blessing.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Well, we had a good time with our friends yesterday and this morning. The kids thoroughly wore themselves out riding the go-cart, jumping on the trampoline and just plain running after each other. Brian & I took our dogs for about a mile and a half walk and took the time to catch up with each other’s lives (poor Feliz had never been a walk quite that long before!). After the walk (and a short rest) we four adults hopped in Brian’s 1942 Buick Super Sedan and went to town for a short tour and to go to the malt shop for some ice cream. Later on, Sharon made a great meal and we all just sat and talked. One of my favorite aspects of the trip was after dinner, Brian & I took the .22’s out for a little target practice and a lot of fun! I’m not sure how many of you are aware that the summer before I met Amy (in 1985); I spent a summer in New Hampshire teaching boy’s riflery at a YMCA camp. So, I had the opportunity to actually instruct my son Trevor in the proper safety and shooting techniques of firing a rifle. This may mean nothing to most of you, but to me it was a significant father/son moment.

Amy continues to get queasy and it is getting increasingly difficult for her to hold food down. The more it happens, the more she thinks about it and the more she thinks about it…well, you get the idea. It’s an ever increasing challenge finding something she’s in the mood to eat and then it’s a challenge for her to keep it down. She asked me why this is happening again. I suggested that it might be one of two things. 1) Maybe the Chemo is building up in her body and therefore the symptoms are getting stronger. Or 2) Maybe her body is getting used to the anti-nausea drug she’s taking and therefore it’s not working as effectively (I had to remind her, ‘I not a doctor, I just play one on the web’). The sores on her feet and in her mouth don’t seem to be spreading, but they’re not going away either. She has one just inside her lip and it hurts sometimes when she eats, so the other day we bought some Orajel, I haven’t asked her how well it’s working.

I feel like I’ve related some pretty intense thought’s in the past couple of days and actually, I’m not sure what else to say. You know tomorrow’s Easter and you know what it’s really all about (if not, please read the past 3 or 4 days postings). So, just remember that Christmas’s gift is Easter’s sacrifice.

He IS risen…

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Sorry this is SO late today, but we decided to travel down to Janesville to spend the day and night with some very close friends of ours.

Amy had a very queasy day. She lost her stomach on three separate occasions and twice before she even had received her treatment. I had the pleasure of escorting my wife to her radiation treatments today. I say ‘pleasure’ because it’s time spent just with her, no kids, no distractions, just her & I. Sometimes we’ll talk about things that we need to get done around the house and other times we’ll talk about life; our plans, our future. I treasure this time, just the two of us talking about incidental things. I love the sound of her voice.

Yesterday I talked about Jesus’ crucifixion & the suffering He endured and the reason He did this was to save us all from the penalty of sin. One other event that happened at the moment of Jesus’ death was the curtain that separated the outer temple of God from the room that they called the ‘Holy of Holies’ was torn in half from the top to the bottom. You may wonder why this is significant. Before I get to that, you need to know a little history about this room. No one was permitted to enter this room except the high priest, and that only once a year to ask for atonement for Israel and It contained only the ark of the covenant with its mercy seat. There was no created light like the sun and no artificial light illuminated this room either. Only the glory of God (God’s Shekinah glory) lit up this Holiest of Places. The High priest would enter this place with a bell and a length of rope attached to his leg. The reason for this is if by chance an impure thought entered the priest’s mind while in the Holy of Holies, the priest would be struck dead and hearing the bell sound, the lesser priest’s would pull the High priest’s body out. Now, the curtain itself was 4 in. thick, 22 yards tall & 11 yards wide and there was no power of man that could have cleaved that curtain. The reason this event is SO significant is this shows us that we no longer need someone to act on our behalf before God. Jesus IS our high priest and we can go to Him directly for our forgiveness, our needs, our comfort. Nothing separates us from talking with Him directly. He is there when we need Him and always will be!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy has been feeling increasingly queasy over the past couple of days and I would even say slightly more tired. She told one of her nurses about the sores on her feet & in her mouth, but no immediate action has been taken. We have both been enjoying the good weather and have been spending more time outdoors.

In three days, millions of people all over the world will be celebrating Easter. Easter brings back many memories for me, some religious, some not so religious. I’m not going to go on a tirade about the commercialization of Easter, but I would like each of you to put the thoughts of Easter grass, eggs, baskets, candy and even the Easter bunny aside for a moment and think about the gift freely given & the sacrifice endured some 2000 plus years ago by Gods only son Jesus. Neither Pontis Pilate (the Roman appointed Governor), nor Herod (the figurehead King) could find Jesus guilty of wrong doing, but through pressure from the Jewish religious leaders, Pontis washed his hands of Jesus and told them to do with him as they will. John 19:1 says that Pilate then had Jesus scourged. ‘…and scourged him…’ Just three words ... the mind absorbs them in a second and passes to the next sentence. The Bible gives no further explanation. There is no footnote explaining what it means. Most of us read over it for years without really contemplating that word...scourged. It was somehow a part of the crucifixion. Maybe we heard a preacher say it was some sort of a whipping. Oh, but it was so much more. Pilate knew the Jews delivered Jesus out of envy (Matthew 27:18), and that He had committed no real crime, certainly not one worthy of death (Luke 23:15). Pilate also knew that something had to be done as these people were far too worked up to go home without any action, so he decided a scourging might satisfy their lust for vengeance. Today’s Humane Society would not allow a dog to be treated the way our Lord was. An “examination by scourging” (Acts 22:24, 29) was a legal preliminary to every Roman execution. This brutal flogging was called the “little death” and preceded the “big death” (crucifixion). Only women, Roman senators, and soldiers (except deserters) were exempt.1 History tells us that a criminal was flogged either by two soldiers (lictors) or by one who alternated positions. Under Hebrew law a penalty was limited to forty strokes (Deuteronomy 25:3), so they normally stopped at thirty-nine in case they miscounted. The Romans, however, imposed no such numerical limitation. A scourging’s severity depended entirely on the lictor’s disposition. The only rule for the lictor who scourged a man about to be crucified was that he was to expire on the cross—not at the stake. Thus he tried to bring his victim to the very verge of death, without crossing that threshold. The scourging post was usually about two feet high. A criminal’s wrists were strapped to an iron ring that projected from two sides near the top. Sometimes the victim’s arms were stretched instead above his head and fastened to a beam. The usual instrument was a short-handled whip (flagrum, flagellum) with several single or braided thongs of variable lengths, on which sharp pieces of sheep bones were tied at intervals. Sometimes the whip instead was made of several thin, iron chains which ended in small weights. Clothing was stripped so the prisoner stood naked, or at the most with a loincloth. (Is it any wonder the Bible says, “Who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame...” Hebrews 12:2?) The man’s wrists were tightly fixed to the iron rings. He was stretched, face down, with his feet pointed away from the post (or in the case of the beam, he was hoisted vertically). In both cases, the shoulder blades were positioned to provide little protection for the underlying flesh. The tension of awaiting the first blow was cruel. The body was rigid. The muscles knotted in tormenting cramps. Color drained from the cheeks. Lips were drawn tight against the teeth. Then it came ... the whistle of the whip and the dull thud as it made contact with flesh. Then it came ... the burning sensation and the first trickle of blood. Then it came ... again and again, more rapidly, blow after blow. Then it came ... with seemingly unbearable agony the naked back, neck, sometimes face, chest (as the whip was allowed to encircle the body), buttocks, and legs were repeatedly struck. At first, it caused deep bruising. Then, as the lictor continued his well-practiced procedure, the thongs, sheep bones, chains, and weights cut into the skin and eventually even deeper...After what seemed like an eternity to the victim and those who loved Him, His limp body was finally taken down from the post or beam. As was the custom, His wounds were washed but not otherwise medicated. Then they put Jesus’ clothes back on His massacred back. Imagine how uncomfortable it was to have that rough material scratch against His open wounds! As the blood began to clot, His clothing became stiff and dry. The Roman soldiers, amused that this weakened man had claimed to be a king, began to mock Him. One of them fashioned a robe out of some purple material (or perhaps used the one Herod had used earlier); another ran out to a thorn bush and gathered some prickly limbs and formed them into a tight, pointed circle; another found a rod or stout stick to use as a scepter. Just about the time His bleeding stopped, they ripped His clothes off and placed the robe on Him (thus opening the wounds again). Imagine how that must have hurt! Even an area as small as that covered by a Band-Aid hurts terribly if it adheres itself to the Band-Aid. One soldier grabbed His head and forced the thorns down over His scalp. Think of the sharp thorns piercing His skin in dozens of places. Another took the reed and hit Him over the head, thus driving the thorns in more deeply. How He must have hurt! How He must have bled! Since even a small cut to the head bleeds profusely. The soldiers finally had all the fun they wanted with Him and took Him back to Pilate. Pilate then presented Him to the people. Picture, if you can, Pilate leading this purple-clad Man, with scepter dangling from His hand, and bloody crown on His head, out for these sick people to see. Pilate said simply, “Behold the man!” (John 19:5). He must have thought that surely this would satisfy their hatred. Surely they will say, “You’ve done enough. Let Him go.” But he underestimated them. They wanted more, they wanted him crucified.

And so, He was forced to carry a heavy cross (between 75 and 125 lbs just for the crossbar) upon His torn and bleeding back a distance of maybe 1 or 2 miles, tripping and falling who knows how many times and with each fall, jarring His battered body (until he could carry it no farther). Once they got to the top of a hill called Golgotha, the Roman soldier laid Jesus’ unresisting body on top of the cross, stretched out His hands and feet and drove spikes through them to attach Him to it. Can you imagine the pain He felt as the base of the cross slid into place with a thud, when they raised it? Then He hung there for many hours as people spat at Him and cursed Him and the soldiers even gambling for His clothes. In the end, He shouted, ‘My God! My God! Why have You forsaken me?!’ and with a clap of thunder and an earthquake, He surrendered His spirit…but it didn’t end there…

Why did Jesus go through this? He didn’t have to. He could have called down 100 legions of Angels to rescue Him. Why, then? Why did he suffer such agony, such humiliation? Because He loved us and wanted to save us. And He still does to this day. John 3:16 says, ‘For God so loved the world that he gave His only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.’ This means that God offered up His only son (Jesus) as a one-time sacrifice for ALL sins (past, present & future) and that if we truly believe that Jesus is the son of God & that He died for our sins and rose again, that we will not go to hell, but will go to our glory in heaven.

…Three days after Jesus’ broken, pierced body was taken down from the cross and buried in the tomb, He rose from the dead! He appeared before over 500 witnesses and even had Timothy (one of the disciples who doubted) touch the wounds on His hands and put his hand in His side.

…He is risen indeed!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy is starting to get sores on the bottom of her feet and in her mouth, her oncologist said this might occur and is a direct result of the chemo drugs. Faced with either losing your hair or getting sores on your feet and in your mouth, which would you choose? I guess for me it would depend upon how painful the sores will get. I was incorrect in my count yesterday, Amy’s last treatment will be Tuesday. April 25th, that means as of today she has 9 more treatments.

We had a sad happenstance yesterday which is unrelated to Amy and her condition and while we are holding this a private matter, I would ask that you pray that God grants Amy & I wisdom, patience & love in handling this unspoken issue (and no, it’s not marriage related).

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy’s down to 9 days of treatments! She & I are SO ready to be done with this. She woke up a bit queasy this morning but has made it through the day so far with keeping everything down.

Yesterday was beautiful here! It got up to about 72 deg. and Amy told me that her and the kids spent a great deal of time outside enjoying the wonderful weather! We have a small white dog and her name is Feliz. She is a Bichon Poo, she’s only about 6 months old and normally she is quite active and wants to play with me when I get home from work, but not yesterday. She was napping when I got home and barely moved a muscle. It wasn’t until after supper that I found out that she too had spent a good share of the day outdoors and basically wore her little self out! Funny how something that can be SO good for you, like fresh air or spending time outside, can actually be detrimental or wear on you. Now, in 1 Corinthians 10:23 Paul says “Everything is permissible—but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible—but not everything is constructive.” It’s clear if you read the previous verses that Paul is trying to settle a dispute between Jewish born & Gentile born Christians. The Jewish born Christians were raised with the scripture of Leviticus 11 which dictated which foods were clean and which foods were unclean and before God told Peter differently in Acts 10:9-16, they were right. My point is that what Paul says in 1 Corinthians can be applied to the basic of things in that anything used or done in excess generally isn’t good for you. Now, Paul isn’t saying ‘Hey! Everything’s permissible so go out and sin without fear or care.’ God wants us to be totally dependent upon Him. He tells us that not everything is beneficial, then sends the Holy Spirit to guide us away from those things that are not beneficial. He tells us that everything is permissible, then tells us to do everything to His glory. Depending on where we are in our relationship with Jesus, this can be a big "Ouch!" or a big "Hallelujah!" Because the only way that we can enjoy the freedom He grants to us is by totally relying on the Holy Spirit for guidance. He will prompt you when He wants you to do something. He will convict you if you're about to do something wrong. He will open the doors of opportunity that He wants you to step through, and He will close the doors He wants you to stay away from. If you listen and follow His guidance, eventually everything you do will be to the glory of God and you wont want to do the things that aren’t beneficial or unconstructive.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy had a wonderful weekend with her family. She told me that they laughed together & cried together, talked with each other and ate together. Her Aunt and cousin presented her with an absolutely beautiful hand-made quilt that the two of them took the time to make. The colors are all in shades of purple and when they finished, they discovered that they had two large squares left, so they made her a large body pillow to match. Other then experiencing the stomach pains, Amy has been doing quite well, but she did come back from the trip somewhat worn out, so with the kids on spring break this week, I am hoping that she can get some rest and have the kids step up and help around the house.

I had a discussion with a very good friend of mine today about how I was doing through all of this and I had to admit that I’m beginning to realize that this is starting to take more of a toll on me than I originally thought; I have not been sleeping very well and am just getting kind of run down. Well, the friend told me, ‘You need to take care of yourself. You’re not doing Amy or the kids any favors by not. It’s okay to be uncertain, sad, angry – all at the same time if you are! If you don’t show the kids that it’s normal to feel those things, how can they work through it themselves? It’s not NORMAL to be strong all the time.’ Well, just to let everyone know, I have had and will continue to have 'my moments'. I'm sure enough in my masculinity that I'm not afraid to admit that I cry. I cry often about this situation and at times I sob so hard that I give myself headaches. I have days when I doubt and fear. I remember early on when we first found out about Amy having to have surgery (but previous to knowing that she had cancer), I was driving home from Indianapolis listening to the radio when Michael W Smith’s ‘Healing Rain’ came on. At first I was singing along with the song, but it turned into a prayer that I offered up for Amy’s healing and I couldn’t finish the song because of my sobbing (by the way, I strongly caution you against doing this while traveling down the interstate at 75 mph, it’s hard to see with swollen eyes!).

I haven’t hidden my fears from the kids (although, we haven’t gone into depth about Amy’s condition with the younger two) and they have seen me cry about this as well, but through the tears and the pain and yes even the anger, I have to be there for Amy, I have to be there for the kids. You see, they are swimming in this sea called life and a storm is turning the waters choppy. Fear, doubt & uncertainty is causing the storm to build and they need an anchor or a solid rock to cling to while the storm assails them. As father & husband, I need to be their anchor, I need to be their rock. Please don’t misunderstand, I know and am aware that I too am swimming in these same waters, enduring the same perfect storm with its gale force winds & crushing waves. But yet I resolutely & steadfastly hold onto my family with the one free arm that I have. Huddling and holding them close, protecting them as best I can against the raging elements. I can use only the one arm as the other is wrapped around a worn and weathered timber for support. I pull my family in so they too can cling to the foot of this rugged, blood stained timber which is unbelievably more stronger and more able to keep them safe than I. And as the old hymn states: ‘So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross, Till my trophies at last I lay down; I will cling to the old rugged cross, And exchange it some day for a crown.’ We continue to cling to the foot of the cross for it is in the one who died upon it where we place our trust, our hope, even our very lives.

Psalm 107:29 – He stilled the storm to a whisper, the waves of the sea were hushed.
Matthew 8:26 – Jesus said, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Sorry about not posting yesterday, but I just ran out of time. I worked until 11:00am, came home & had a quick bite for lunch with Amy and took her to Madison for her treatment and afterwards, took her to Dubuque where one of my sisters met us to take Amy (and Hope) the rest of the way to Waterloo, IA to spend the weekend with her family. I didn't get back into town until 6:20pm, picked up the boys, ran some errands and then cooked supper. After all was said and done, it was about 8:15pm. Anyway, as you can tell, we have a divided family this weekend; Trevor & Vinny are with me, Hope is with Amy and Brittany left Friday at 11:00am for a missions trip to Biloxi Mississippi where her & about 25 others will help with the re-building of a church that was destroyed by hurricane Katrina.

Amy had her stitches from the port implant removed yesterday. Her nausea was almost non-existent and her energy levels were high. All in all yesterday was a good day! When Amy told her oncologist that she was going to Iowa, he seemed a bit concerned that she'd tax herself with the traveling, but he didn't tell her no.

Vinny competed in our district Awana Olympics today. His team placed 1st overall with 43 points (the next closest team had 25 or 27 points) and individually, Vinny & his partner ran the three-legged-race and ran it so fast that they tagged the other runners out and ran the last of three laps un-opposed! I was SO proud of him!

Hebrews 12:1 - Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Well, we saw Amy’s oncologist for the first time in about 2 ½ weeks today. He had a family emergency the first week and had a planed vacation the second. It was good to touch base with him and bring him up to date on Amy’s treatment. He told us that both her white and red blood cell counts looked quite good and her Biliruben is down to 1.7. He asked how Amy had been feeling and she told him that she had been feeling quite well Monday and most of Tuesday, but then she started having these sharp pains in her stomach. They started out occurring about once per day, but now they are occurring several times a day. He thought about it awhile and told us that it could be either the chemo or the radiation. Either one by themselves can certainly cause gastritis, but being that the pain is described as coming on suddenly and ending after about 3 minutes, I think it is something else as that pain would be long lasting because both the radiation and chemo are being introduced to your body longer or in the case of the chemo consistently 24/7. So, he thinks that the probable cause could be the metal stent that Amy had inserted into her bile duct three weeks ago! And specifically that the stent may have moved slightly and the sharp ends of the meshed metal weave is poking/scratching the inside of her duodenum. So, he prescribed a quick acting pain medication for her to try, but he did warn that the pain may subside before the meds kick in.

I have had this question/idea about Amy’s treatment kicking around in the back of my head for about two weeks, but haven’t been able to inquire about it because her doctor has been gone. In my research on the pancreas, I wanted to know exactly where the tumor was and to have a good visual image or illustration showing me the anatomy of the pancreas including the surrounding vascular structures. I came across the following site: Click Here. I printed out several selected images and took these with us to today’s appointment and asked her doctor to show me exactly where the tumor was located. He showed me that the tumor was located at or near the juncture where the Hepatic Portal Vein feeds into the Superior Mesenteric Artery.

Knowing this info, I talked with Amy’s surgeon and asked him, ‘Obviously I'm not a surgeon, but I've had this thought floating in my mind for quite some time now and would like to ask about it. As you well know, Amy's surgery (Whipple) has been postponed in hopes that chemo/radiation will shrink the tumor away from the Portal Vein. Is it possible to do a Superior Mesenteric Artery & Hepatic Portal Vein combination bypass, so all of the involved tissues can be removed without risk of having some of the tumor float away?’ and he responded, ‘Possible but the mortality and complication rates would definitely rise. The vein is not however as big a deal as the artery.’ I continued, ‘Are the risks too much so to give this serious thought?’ and he replied, ‘No, but I would wait until the preop therapy is completed to think about it.’ I agreed with him.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Amy’s day started off a little rougher than yesterday as she couldn’t keep her breakfast down and she again experienced this stabbing pain in her stomach while on her way down to treatments. I will be taking Amy to her treatment tomorrow and we will also be seeing her oncologist. I will be asking about these stabbing stomach pains that she gets.

Amy’s regular oncologist has been gone for the past two weeks and I have emailed him several times to ask various questions (the poor doctor probably dreads reading email for fear that I may have yet another question!). One question was, Amy’s switching from the oral Chemo (Xeloda) to this pump form, will/can it effect the outcome of her treatment? He said no, but in Amy’s case, because she had such a difficult time with the oral in keeping them down, we can be assured that she getting the full effect of the drug with the pump. We have had SO many people suggest one treatment over another, or in one case offer to sell us herbal supplements that have been shown to reduce the size of the tumor, that this whole idea of alternative medicines had gotten me completely confused. There are: Conventional treatments, Clinical trials, Unapproved FDA drugs, Herbal supplements, New Age methods (think yourself well..uh, yeah) and yes, we could even attend seminars on treatment options. Just looking into the clinical trials is a very confusing maze because you can have: 1 of about 8 different chemo drugs, or a combination of 2 or three, or 1 to 2 along with radiation, or if it’s a blind trial, you may or may not even get the chemo drug. Some trials only take a certain number of people, or only if you cancer hasn’t spread, or if it’s not past stage 2, or if you haven’t gone through chemo before. Some trials are only offered in certain areas of the country and only for a set period of time. Which one is right? Which one will be successful with Amy? Personally I think the New Age approach is a joke. And looking at site after site wanting to sell us a combination of supplements that cost $100 per bottle and as far as I know could be sugar pills, just shows me that some people are still willing to buy ‘snake oils’ & ‘Dr. McGrew’s Cureall.’ So, with all of that said (and MANY hours of research) I told Amy’s oncologist, ‘I have to know that we are treating Amy with the best methods that the medical world knows that will give her the best chance possible to defeat this.’ And he replied, ‘There are many avenues that are being tested now in treating pancreas cancer, but I believe we are treating her with the best available method currently known.’

Please pray for this stabbing pain that Amy is getting now and then and please take a moment to pray for her doctors that they might be lead by the Great Physician while treating and bringing Amy to a cure.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

Last night Amy ate very well and stayed up later then she has in sometime (watching the NCAA tournament you know!). She’s even getting her rapier wit back (which is usually released upon your humble writer)! She gets mad that she doesn’t have the energy to run circles around us mere-mortals like she used to, but I say all in good time! This morning she woke up a bit queasy, but she ate two bowls of cereal and has kept everything down. She is almost half way finished with her treatments and is quite excited about getting it finished. If you remember, she started her chemo three days after starting her radiation, so when we see her oncologist this Thursday, I need to ask if her chemo will last three days longer because of the delay or if she’ll finish on the same day as her radiation. The doctor said they Amy might get red sores on her hands or feet or possibly even in her mouth. Thankfully she hasn’t experienced any of those symptoms, but she has experienced coldness in her feet and if you know Amy, she hates being or getting cold.

Imagine yourself a scuba diver. You’ve taken the appropriate classes and have graduated and certified under your instructors careful instruction. You’ve gone on several hundred dives and have even learned how to get out of some dangerous circumstances. You’ve been taught by the best and are a well qualified diver. Now, imagine traveling home after a practice dive and you come upon an accident where a truck has plunged off a bridge and is sinking in the dark waters below. Can you imagine yourself getting back into your car and driving away? Can you imagine driving away and leaving that driver to whatever fate is awaiting him or her? Or would you, having trained for this, quickly get your gear on and jump into those dark waters in hopes of saving the life of the person trapped in that sinking truck? If I truly believe in the faith that I profess, how can I honestly go through life walking past people everyday not knowing or caring if they are sinking? I’m not saying that I need to go about trying to beat people into the way I think or believe, but I do believe it is my responsibility to dive in and reach out a hand; it’s up to each person to decide on their own what to do next.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

By my count we are 11 days down, 16 more to go! We are quickly approaching the half way mark in Amy’s treatments and we continue to trust and pray that the treatments will be successful. Amy actually gained a 10th of a pound back this past week, so we are thankful as that means she’s getting sufficient nutrition. As she continues to get her energy levels back, she wants to do more and more, but then pays the price later if she pushes herself too much by being wiped out for the next day. So, balance and moderation is what I will try and suggest.

Dear Lord, You are the Alpha and Omega, the Ancient of days and the Author and finisher of our faith. You are a sanctuary & shelter for us and strength to the needy in distress. You are the God of glory, God of glory, God of hope, God of love and peace. God of my mercy, God of my praise and God of my life. You are He that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think. You are a rewarder of those who diligently seek him and a God, that comforts those that are cast down. You are My Father, My deliverer, & My friend. My fortress, My high tower, My hiding place and my shield. My help, My hope & My refuge in the day of affliction. You are My King, My judge, My shepherd, My Redeemer & My God. You are Jehovah Shaddai (the God who is sufficient for the needs of His people) , Jehovah Jireh (the Lord our provider) & Jehovah Ropheka (the Lord our healer). You are the one and only true God, who is worthy to receive glory and honor and praise and above whom there is no other. Thank you for being these things and more. Thank you for being a caring God, who loves his children. Thank you for the caring group of friends & family that you have blessed us with. Thank you for the gift of our children and all the challenges, tears, laughter and pride they bestow on us. Thank you for Amy, Lord, for her love and compassion, for her patience and kindness and for the way she completes me. And most importantly Lord, thank you for sending your son, Jesus to seek and save the lost and to be the ultimate sacrifice for the sins of a fallen world. Dear Lord please search my heart and remind me of any un-confessed sin in my life so that I may repent of them. Please help me align the desires of my heart with your will, oh Lord. Lord, you have said in the gospel of John ‘Hitherto, you have asked nothing in my name, ask and you shall receive that your joy may be made complete.’ And you have also instructed us in the book of Ephesians saying, ‘And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests..’ So now I pray Lord, and I ask for your healing in Amy. I cry out to you Lord and plead for you to remove or kill every cancerous cell within Amy’s body. That through her healing, you might bring glory to yourself. That Amy might stand as a witness to your great power and love. I pray for peace as we search for answers, strength as we whether this storm and courage to accept that which your will dictates. We would pray that you would heap blessings upon those who have & will bless us, your love and compassion shine through them Lord and without them, I do not know how we would make it through.
To the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore. Amen

My brother has a son who is a Captain in the JAG corps and he is currently deployed in Iraq. Today my brother sent a picture to all of us siblings and CC’s Ryan as well. This picture showed a soldier down on one knee with his head bowed in prayer, the caption at the top of the page read: ‘The Task Ahead of You, Is Never As Great As The Power Behind You.’ And then at the bottom of the page, Ephesians 6:10 was quoted, ‘Be strong in Lord, and in His mighty power.’ So, what task or difficulty are you facing lately? And what or who are you relying upon to help and support you through it?

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V

It’s me again. I thought I would give Vince another break in doing the blog. Now what I should do is tell a story on him but as one of my very good friends named “Pink” says, I have chemo brain and my mind escapes me right now. If you haven’t been keeping track I finished my 10th day of radiation yesterday. WooHoo!! Seventeen more to go!!! I also finished the week only throwing up once and that was previous to having the port put in so I am grateful for the port, however having the needle changed wasn’t the most pleasant experience.
I don’t know if spring has arrived in your area but it hasn’t here. I am so anxious for nice weather but all good things come to those who wait. We did have one nice day last week but I would like many more of those in succession.
A typical day for me is boring but something I thought I would share. I get up around 6:00 dink around for ½ an hour then make sure Vince is getting up. I get in the shower about 6:45 or 7:00 then proceed to get myself ready. About 7:45 or 8:00 I leave to go to Madison for radiation. That appointment is usually 9:00 or 9:15. I usually am under treatment for 15 to 30 minutes it just depends on the day. I get done and go home. I have a minute or two to myself then I go and get Hope from Wendy’s who has been so great to take her everyday. I bring Hope home and we have an hour or so to ourselves. After that I take her to school and come back home and rest or nap. At 3:00 I start my rounds all over again to pick up the kids sometimes 2 sometimes 3 sometimes 4 it depends on what the older two have after school. We come home and I continue to do my resting. Sometimes I try to figure out what to have for supper but I’m not really good at that anymore. Then I might leave again to pick up one of the older two when they get done or they get a ride home. That’s my day in a nutshell without the evening.
Lastly I want to thank my Mom for coming up and making me dinner so many times. I could have had the chicken and peppers meal each night and been happy about it. It was so nice having her up here. I love you, Mom for giving up your time at home to come take care of me.
That’s all for now, thanks for reading the blog!

This is My story as seen and told by me - A