Amy's 'momentary trouble'

We’ve had several members of my family up through much of this week either visiting or coming up to help. This was homecoming weekend and Brittany had asked if we could make supper for a group of her friends, so we had eight kids come and I grilled out and one of the moms provided a nice salad. Everyone was dressed very nicely in their dresses and shirts and ties. It was fun to serve these young men and ladies and fun as well to sit back and listen to their dinner conversation.

Amy had a rough morning, but felt energetic enough to talk with the kids and enjoy the evening. A huge thanks to Denise, Donna and Dave. I’m not sure I could have pulled this off without your help and even if I could have, you not only made it easy, you made it fun.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Amy didn’t sleep well last night so she faced her day tired. Add on to that her on-going digestive issues and you can imagine how weary she is tonight.

Well, I had the active portion of my stress test today. They hooked me up to an EKG, injected me with a radioactive isotope and had me walk on a treadmill for about as long as I could. They then took me into another room where they took scans of my heart. Long story short, the cardiologist didn’t find any blockage or damage to my heart. However, given my family history (my father had a heart attack at 45 and my mother had heart issues), the fact that I have diabetes and that I need to lose weight, my risk factor is high for heart disease. So, things came out good. I’m looking at some life style changes, but isn’t that better than catching it after the fact?

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

We’ve been waiting since Monday for return of the lab results on the fluid that was removed from Amy’s stomach cavity. They had said we should hear either Tuesday or Wednesday, but as of 2:00pm today we hadn’t received word and the anticipation got the best of the both of us and Amy asked me to call. The lab tests show that is no sign of cancer. Praise God! We’re still not sure what’s going on with the liver that’s causing the fluid buildup, but at least the cancer hasn’t returned!

I’m starting to feel a bit like the ‘boy who cried wolf’ in that we’ve been confronted time and again with the real possibility that her cancer has returned…and, knowing the significance of that occurrence, I send out the hue and cry. This in turn stirs some people up; either upsetting them or causing them to take a knee and bow their heads. It makes me wonder how many more times I can cry out before, just like the boy, people turn a deaf ear…but look at it in a different light. We receive a report of a possible bad result...I raise the warning flag and request prayer…You (family, friends, even complete strangers) respond by lifting Amy up to God in prayer…The actual report comes back and shows a good result…Whew! OK, I guess that was all for nothing then. But wait a second, not so fast…there’s a portion that’s missing, very possibly the most important part. Right after the portion where you’ve lifted Amy up to God in prayer, the following should be inserted; And God answered your prayers. Did you catch that? AND GOD ANSWERED YOUR PRAYERS. How awesome is that?! It’s not that it was all for nothing and that we shouldn’t have gotten worked up; it’s that you honored God by taking your request before Him with a sincere and humble heart.

James 5:16 ‘…The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.’

God answers prayer-why should we be surprised?

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

If you’ve been reading this blog for the last couple weeks, you know that Amy’s been dealing with stomach pain almost on a daily basis. And within the last week, we’ve noticed that Amy’s belly has become distended and firm to the touch. So, she had an appointment to see her oncologist today and I wanted to make sure that she asked him about her pain, the stomach swelling and when her next CT Scan would be. This is what she found out:

• Concerning the stomach pain: It very well may be that she'll have this pain at various degrees, for the rest of her life.
• What's with her stomach feeling hard/distended: One of three things - 1) She might have an infection 2) Her liver might be reacting to too much Chemo 3) The cancer might have spread to her liver.
• When is her next CT Scan: Her CT Scan is scheduled for next Tuesday.
• Why a CT Scan when we usually follow up with an MRI anyway: CT Scans do a much better job imaging the stomach area where an MRI does a better job imaging the liver.

After having her chemo today, they performed what they call an Abdominal Paracentesis and withdrew (by needle) over 2 liters of fluid from her abdominal cavity. They call this Ascites and it is the build up of excess fluid in the space between the membranes lining the abdomen and abdominal organs. It is generally associated with some form of liver disease, but can be caused by infection or irritation of either the liver or abdominal lining. They sent the fluid to the lab for testing and we should know in a few days. In the time since she’s had the fluid removed, she doesn’t feel as much stomach pain and a lot less pressure on her sides.

Why does God wait until the money is gone? Why does He wait until the sickness has lingered? Why does He at times choose to wait until a person reaches heaven to answer the prayers for healing? I don’t know. I only know to trust that His timing is always right. I can only say He will do what’s best…Though we hear nothing, He is speaking…though we see nothing, He is acting…though we may stand alone in the dark feeling abandoned…He is present. With God there are no accidents…to Him, no surprises. Every incident…good, bad or indifferent…is intended to bring us closer to Him.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Amy felt pretty good today, we went to St. Vinny’s and picked up a few jigsaw puzzles for her to do, looked at some children’s books and then headed back home. A short, but nice little outing. I know it may sound strange, but I love to go shopping (grocery & Christmas) with her, but only if it’s just the two of us. I simply love her company. There may be long minutes where I don’t say a word, but Amy will be chatting idly on…I love that. For the past couple of days, she’s noticed that her stomach feels hard/firm to the touch and looks some what distended. I would say that we’re a little concerned, but that’s really because we have no idea what is causing it. It’s a good thing she sees her oncologist this Monday when she can inquire about it.

I met with a Diabetic Educator last night. For two hours I answered questions, listened to the educator explain what the disease is and even asked a few questions of my own. I learned about maintenance, risk factors, diet and setting goals. She started the session with an unexpected question…she asked me what my first thought was when I leaned of my diagnosis. I was sort of shocked…taken a-back actually by her question. Not because I didn’t know the answer…oh, I very well knew the answer…but rather how in the first question, she could cut to the very epicenter of my deepest fear. At the notification of my disease, my mind was instantly transported back to May of 2000, to my mother’s deathbed. She too had Diabetes; she was diagnosed at 39 years of age and died of Calciphylaxis which was either brought on or was acerbated by her Diabetes at the age of 66. I can still vividly see her in her bed, moaning and weeping from the excruciating pain. They had to keep her on such a high dose of morphine that she never quite gained consciousness and the sight of the huge open sores on her legs that continued to grow and never healed is forever burned into my memory. That was what went through my mind; her beautiful life…her horrific death…our common disease. I know just because my mother had Calciphylaxis, doesn’t mean that I’ll contract it, but that is what went through my thoughts.

I will praise your name oh Lord, I will sing of your goodness all day long. For there is none as great as you and none worthy of my worship but You.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Amy's been dealing with more stomach pain and at times her stomach area feels hard to the touch, not sure what that's about, but she sees her oncologist next week and she will be asking him about it. Lately she's been eating very well, but still dealing with digestive issues.

A couple of days ago while at work, I experienced a 'health' episode that included: shortness of breath, intermittent chest pain & sudden cold sweats. This continued from 3:00pm to about 6:30pm. Not being sure if it was heartburn, indigestion, stress related (or just bad gas!), I didn't go to the ER and the next day everything seemed back to normal, but under pressure from my wife, I did schedule an appointment to see my doctor. I had that appointment this morning and initial tests show that while I didn't have a heart attack or anything like that, there are some concerns that I might have a blockage (used the words Cardiac ischemia - a term given to heart problems caused by narrowed heart arteries). I will be having a follow-up appointment with my primary doc tomorrow to review lab results and then I am supposed to go to Madison next week (on Wed and Thurs) to meet a Cardiologist and have a Cardiolite Stress Test done (they will shoot die into my blood stream so they can watch the actions of my heart while under pressure). Truth be told, I've suspected that I might have some issues for some time now (I've had similar bouts, but never lasting longer then 3 minutes and not really any cold sweats), but through a combination of male denial and the need to step up and be the steadying force for my wife and kids during Amy's struggle, I have ignored it and have kept silent. I also wanted to share that the doctor I saw today, when all was said and done, actually asked if we could pray together! I about fell off my chair! Never in my whole life have I had a doctor ask me that! It was really nice. Later in the day while I was waiting for Trevor’s football practice to end, my doc called me on my cell phone. He wanted to cover a portion of my labs with me (ok, I’m starting to think, why can’t this wait until tomorrow?). He said that my liver function is good, my kidney function is good, my heart proteins were normal, even my cholesterol was really good…however, my blood sugar level was 500…normal is below 200…I am Diabetic.

We are going to be confronted with problems/situations in life that we don't know how to cope with. It may be in the form of physical sickness, financial failures, emotional turmoil or devastating loss. There may be those times during which you feel that God is further away than the most distant star. You may have a desert experience, barren and dry, or you may go through a deep dark, lonesome valley. I want you to understand one thing: Amy and I are in this place for a reason. God wants us or someone out their reading and watching to learn something from it. And if we will cling to our faith in Him, we will emerge stronger than ever before! He is an ever-present help in time of need and we can stand on the direct promises He has given to all of us through His Word. He will never fail you. The scriptures offer clear and direct promises that we can depend on.

Psalm 56:3,4 - What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.

So, I would ask that you keep me in your prayers, there's already one of us who’s currently out of commission, I'm not sure we could handle another.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Again, Amy started the day feeling pretty good, but as afternoon came on, so did the stomach pain. I can tell this is frustrating her as she wants to be up, doing things around the house and feeling a certain amount of self-worth. This isn’t being pressed into her, but is coming from within herself. I believe from a sense of needing a return to normalcy. As usual, please continue to pray that Amy will start feeling better soon. I would ask if you could, please offer a prayer for Dan & Arlene Hait. Even though we do not personally know this couple from Milwaukee (good friends of ours from church know them), they just found out this past Friday that Arlene has stage 4 (end stage) Pancreatic Cancer. When they asked their doctor about long term prognosis, all he said was that she should get her affairs in order as quickly as possible. Being in their forties, they have a 12 year old son named Ben. Please keep this family in your prayers.

Listen, this is important. There is never a time during which Jesus isn’t speaking to us. Never. There is never a place in which Jesus isn’t present. Never. There is never a room so dark…a concert too noisy…a wasteland so desolate…or an office so sophisticated…that the ever-present, ever-pursuing, relentlessly tender Friend is not there…speaking words of guidance…tapping gently on the doors of our hearts…waiting to be invited in. Few hear His voice, few follow His guidance and fewer still open the door. But never interpret our avoidance or numbness as His absence. For in the midst of this world full of fleeting promises of fame, fortune and pleasure, is the timeless promise of His presence. Hebrews 13:5 says: ‘Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.’ and in Matthew 28:20: ‘Surely I am with you always, even to the very end of the age.’
There is no amount of noise so loud or place so remote that the voice of God cannot be heard…if we but listen.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Amy didn’t start off having the best of weekends. Friday night and most of Saturday, she dealt with stomach pain and issues brought on by that. It wasn’t until Sunday evening that she started to be a bit more active (although she did teach her Sunday school class on Sunday morning). Part of the issue that we are discovering is, she has a real issue with fried or especially deep fried foods and we really need to keep her away from those. For the first time in at least 9 months, Amy actually stayed up late with me. It had been our routine to get the younger two in bed by 7:30/8:00 and the older two in bed by 9:00 and then the next hour or two were ours to talk, watch T.V. together or whatever we decided. It was really nice.

Last Friday, I wrote about Psalms 46:10 - Be still and know that I am God and I asked what that means to you? To me it means that there are/will be times when I get caught up in the busyness of life or maybe even caught up in the ‘light and momentary troubles’ of life and sometimes I need to stop…put everything out of my mind (worry, planning, etc) and focus…think…and meditate on how I know God is God. So, Friday night as I was thinking about this, Proverbs 18:10 came to mind which reads: The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe. I started thinking about the different names of God and thought, what a great way to know who God is! The Old Testament Jews had many names for God and each name described the different characteristics of God. Look at these for a few:
When you are lost or confused about the future, go to your Jehovah-Raah, your caring shepherd.
When you are anxious about provision, talk to Jehovah-Jireh, the Lord who provides.
Do you feel trapped? Are your challenges too great? Seek the help of Jehovah-Shalom, the Lord is peace.
Are you sick or injured? Are your emotions weak? Jehovah-Rophe, the Lord who heals you, will see you now.
Do you feel like a soldier stranded behind enemy lines? Take refuge in Jehovah-Nissi, the Lord my banner.

Meditating on the names of God reminds us (you and I) of the character of God and knowing His character tells us who He is.

Take these names and bury them in your heart.
God is:
The shepherd who cares.
The Lord who provides.
The voice who brings peace in the storm.
The physician who heals the sick.
The banner that guides.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Hmm…I’ve sat here for about 20 minutes trying to figure out what to say tonight and honestly, nothing has come to mind. This isn’t the first time I’ve ran into the proverbial ‘wall’ trying to think of something relevant to say about Amy’s day or relating a piece of inspired thought God has blessed me with. At those times, I find that if I just start writing, something usually comes to mind…but not tonight. The only thing that comes to mind is the verse from Psalms 46:10 - Be still and know that I am God. So, with that in mind, I think I will go and do just that.
Oh, and before I go, I would like you to think on that verse if you would and then please tell me what it means to you?

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Amy felt good enough today that she went to Trevor’s football game. The team traveled to Beaver Dam and beat their opponents 36 to 16. Evidently there was a play where Beaver Dam fumbled the ball and when the dust cleared, Trevor and a guy from Beaver Dam each had their arms wrapped around the ball. Neither player was letting go and finally the referee told them to let go of the ball. As soon as Trevor let go, the ref said ‘Beaver dam, ball.’ Trevor got up and as he was walking away, turned to the ref and said. ‘I had the ball.’ Evidently the ref disagreed as he through a flag at Trevor’s comment, which cost his team 15 yards…. Not exactly a good way to get on a ref’s good side.
At the same time, Brittany was in Waunakee playing tennis. She too won her match 8-1. Me? I was at home watching the two younger ones…cooking supper…walking the dog…just being at home. This was ok, it was quieter with half of us gone and sometimes it’s nice just to sit in the quite.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

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Amy went to have her Chemo treatment today, but she wasn’t able to have it as her White Blood Cell count was too low (1.3). Normally this wouldn’t bother me too much, but I blame this on the nurse that oversaw Amy’s treatment last week. You see, there is a notation at the bottom of her chart that instructs those treating her that after each weeks treatment, they need to dispense 5 doses of a drug that helps keep her White Blood Cell count up. Well…that didn’t happen last week. I talked to Amy about this and she said that her nurse last week was kind of brusque and that she felt like she was ‘processed’ rather than cared for. In the nurses hurried state she wasn’t thorough and as a direct result, Amy’s counts were too low this week. Sure it’s frustrating, but on the other hand, Amy will have 19 days off before her next treatment and maybe that was God’s way of providing Amy a break…a respite from the side effects of stomach pains, exhaustion and loss of strength.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

After a full week and a half of the kids being back in school, Amy told me today that she really missed Hope. Now, that doesn’t mean she didn’t miss the other kids, but Hope is the youngest…the last to start school…her baby. I was concerned this might happen, that after the kids went back to school, Amy would be alone and start to miss the kids and once those feelings set in, start to feel lonely. That’s why I asked friends who are available and are willing, to come sit with Amy for a few hours each day and it’s been great for Amy (and I hope it’s been great for those who have come). Sometimes Amy just naps and other times she’ll watch a show or just visit with the person, but I know her absolute favorite is to sit and listen to the various stories of people’s lives. The little, seemingly non-important personal histories, literally make Amy sit back and smile.
Thank you ladies. Thank you for your sacrifice…thank you for the help you provide and the meals you prepare…but most of all, thank you for loving my wife and sharing snapshots of your lives with her

A friend is someone who helps you up when you're down and if they can't, they lie down beside you and listen.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Amy took a big step yesterday. For the first time since early spring of this year, she taught her Sunday school kids! This may not seem like much to some of you, but for Amy it was huge. To be able to get back to doing what she loves (teaching), was quite an accomplishment for her. She came home quite tired and rested, but it was nice laying beside her, listening to her recount her morning. She has taught the same group of little boys and girls for the past three years and she absolutely loves those kids! One little boy walked into the classroom, turned to Amy and said, ‘Mrs. Howard! I can not believe it’s you!’

There used to be a show on T.V. called ‘Kids say the darndest things.’ I’m sure most of you either remember or have heard of the show…I loved watching those kids innocently answer the host’s questions and either totally get it wrong or an attentive child might have previously heard a parent or other adult say something about the subject and thereby get it partially correct. Either way, the answers were almost always funny!
Today kids are no different; they still repeat what they hear adults saying and reenact events they observe. The problem is that the words some children repeat and some of the events they reenact don’t only lack humor, but wouldn’t even be fit for T.V. The parent who actually teaches their child to swear because they think it’s funny or allows them to regularly show themselves or other adults disrespect without consequence isn’t doing them any favor’s. In Proverbs 21:23 it says, ‘Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles.’

Psalm 19:14 ‘Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, 0 LORD, my strength and my Redeemer.’

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Today, Amy has felt a little better, but has spent most of the day in bed (watching football of course!) because of soreness and being tired (she didn’t sleep well last night). She has been somewhat hungrier today and as such, ate better. She even got up and fixed some oatmeal for Hope. I busied myself with some home projects: A part on one of our front porch swings broke, so I went to the hardware store but couldn’t find a long enough eye bolt (I will have to custom make them out of hardened steel rod stock). I then repaired the light fixture on our back deck, which had been broken since last fall/winter.

I’ve really been beating myself up lately over my faith and how in the face of seemingly bad news concerning Amy (her CT-Scan last month), I ran to fear instead of my faith. God has been showing me that great acts of faith are seldom born out of calm calculation. While Moses was standing on the banks of the Red Sea with all of the Israelites behind him and the Egyptians were charging down to intercept them, do you think it was logic that caused him to raise his staff and command the sea to part? Do you think Naaman spent hours and hours pouring over tomes, immersing himself in medical research before becoming convinced that he should dip himself in the river seven times? It wasn’t common sense that convinced Paul to abandon all that he was taught and put aside the law in order to embrace grace. And the small group of believers in Jerusalem, who gathered together in a small room to pray for Peter’s release from prison; do you think they were confident? Calm? No…it was a fearful, desperate, band of backed-into-the-corner believers. It was a church with no options…a congregation of have-nots pleading for help! Never were they stronger and never was God more attentive!

What I have learned is that at the beginning of every act of faith, there is often a seed of fear. At that point we have to decide what we’re going to do with it and we really only have two choices…either run away from or run to the source of our faith.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Well, the pain came back today. Sharp, stabbing pain in her stomach…it got so bad that she called her mother crying. I don’t understand how the treatments can be relatively side effect free one week and the next they beat her down to the point where she can barely get out of bed. It’s difficult living like this because if she goes one or two weeks feeling pretty good, we start to feel like maybe the worst of it has passed and maybe, just maybe we can start putting our lives back together. Then a bad week comes and BAM! Maybe we should know better, maybe we shouldn’t allow ourselves to think the worst is over. But that’s not us, to me that would be tantamount to succumbing to the dread and fear. In Romans 8:31 it says, If God is for us, who can be against us! Think and meditate on that truth a moment…If God, our creator (having more power and having more knowledge than anyone or anything at any time and any place…ever or ever will be), is rooting for and cheering for us and is on our side, who could ever hope to come against or appose us and even think they stood a chance. As far as I’m concerned, we WILL look for the good in all of this, we WILL take the good days as they come and rejoice in the Lord for them and we WILL persevere through the worst days and praise our Lord for being there and carrying us through.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Today was much better for Amy, her stomach is sore, almost as if someone punched her (and no, I didn’t!), but she spent all evening up and out of bed. The fact that tonight was the first televised regular season NFL game, I’m sure had nothing to do with it! I have never seen a woman love sports like Amy does! She’ll watch basketball, football, baseball and golf. When the Olympics is on, she’ll be glued the T.V. for 14 days and sometimes will even stay up late into the night to watch an event that she’s particularly interested in (during the last winter games it was Snowboard Cross). Amy has even gone so far to say that if she had to choose a second career, she would have loved to have been a sports announcer. Can you imagine that? Knowing my wife, I KNOW this is what it would sound like, ’…yes John, but have you ever noticed how Payton, OH!......OH! OH! OH! Did you see that! Did you see that! YES! YES! YES! WHOO HOO! YES, I’M READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!!!...Um, ahem, Amy Howard reporting…back to you John.’

Oh how I love that woman!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Amy had another treatment today and this time she isn’t taking it so well. Last week she came back from her treatment and other than being a little tired, she didn’t have any nausea or pain. This week it has completely wiped her out and she’s complaining about sharp stomach pain.

Please pray for Amy’s strength and this pain she has in her stomach, that it would subside. Once again, we would like to thank everyone who has cooked a meal, baked some cookies or have shone your love and concern for us in a myriad of different ways. We will never forget...

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Well, it came and went; the first day of school that is. I’m the one who normally drops the older two off, that is unless I’m out of town or need to be in the office early, and today was no different. Except it was, different that is, as both Brittany and Trevor are older…bigger and one could hope, somewhat wiser. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve got great kids and they seem to have their heads screwed on straight, at least for the moment! But as we’re getting closer to school, we start passing kids who are walking and I notice the newness. Shiny white tennis shoes, clean new clothes, sharp new hair-cuts or hair-do’s and even new backpacks that are bulging with supplies. Down underneath the white, the clean and the trim, each kid is basically the same as they were when they left 3 months ago. It’s the experiences, the individual happenings accumulated during those 3 months that can affect or influence a child, even set them upon a course that they will pursue for the rest of their lives. Have you ever found yourself doing that? I know I have. We shine ourselves up, put on the fancy dress or new suit and head off to church. We put on our fake plastic smiles and our veneer exteriors and pseudo-gladly greet people we only talk to once a week. All the while, God sees through the plastic and veneer. He sees our faults…our weaknesses…our pain…our sin and He loves us still. He’s not interested in how fancy we look or how shined we appear, He want’s to breakthrough our plastic exterior and get to the real you, the real me. He wants to draw us out into real fellowship and close relationships, starting with himself.

Do you know what your kids did this summer? Do you know what the single most important decision they had to make for themselves was? Do you know who they hung out with the most and what kind of person they are? I’m not implying or even suggesting anything negative here, but do you know? If there is one thing I learned this summer, it was that the more time I spent doing things with my kids, the more they wanted to do things with me.

Invest a little time in your kids…the harvest may surprise you!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

We had a great time with Amy's family. All of us went up to the Great Wolf Lodge and swam and played in the water park. Some of the family members went over to the newly opened Tanger Factory Outlet mall, but most of us just stayed at the lodge. We ate together, we played together and all of us laughed a lot!

Tomorrow, summer break comes to an end for our kids as they return to school for yet another year. It's kind of strange and almost surreal because our youngest, Hope, will be gone all day to kindergarten and Amy, being used to having them around and the noises and sounds each of them make that completes this 'symphony' of life at our home, will be faced with a house that is quite...still. I am ever so grateful for those who have committed themselves to coming over and keeping Amy company for a time each weekday. If I know my wife well (and I do), the first week or so will be hard on her on so many levels (last child will be gone all day to school, she won't be teaching this fall, a lot of time on her hands and not a lot of strength to do much...just to mention a few), so knowing that she wont be alone, contemplating all of this, really gives me peace.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V

Amy’s sister Bridgette, her husband Jeff, their daughter Maddy, as well as her niece Mackenzie and nephews Alex and Josh all came up and are spending the night. But that isn’t all! All the rest of her family, 18 in all, are descending on Baraboo to spend the weekend with us! We will be laughing, playing, eating and joking around together! Best of all, Amy’s mom actually broke down and baked my favorite cookies: Date/Raisin filled sugar cookies! Because of all of the activity, I will not be entering a blog tomorrow.

May all of you have a great Labor Day weekend, stay safe and God bless!

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V