Amy's 'momentary trouble'

Yes, yesterday was extremely hard for Amy. I watched Amy as she told her oncologist that she had been dreading this day and I saw the first tear leave a wet trail of sad resignation down her cheek. Her doctor asked her what part was she dreading and as Amy answered 'All of it! I really thought that I'd be feeling better by now. I SO want this to be over', she continued to break down until the last came out of her in soft sobs. I intently studied Dr. Mulkerin's face and especially his eyes while he looked at Amy in silence for what must have been a good 20 seconds, looking for any sign of a 'crack' in his seasoned shell of professionalism and thought I saw the faintest hint of something but could not be for certain. When he finally started to speak, he leaned in towards Amy so quickly that he actually startled me. He took Amy’s hand and told her ‘I think I can help you, I think we can make you feel better.’ Next, he did something that no one who has seen Amy medically had ever done, he turned to me and asked, ‘…and how are you doing?’ this caught me so completely off guard that I couldn’t physically answer him. Tears blurring my vision, I looked away and just shook my head. No, I’m not OK! I have watched Amy writhe in pain, loose strength, beg for mercy, puke until she dry heaves, loose sleep, question why this is happening to her, shake uncontrollably and weep (all many many times). If any of you could watch your spouse go through this without being affected or altered in someway, you’re a stronger man than I. My only strength is in the Lord, I know if I had only my own strength to rely on, I wouldn’t have made this far and I thank the Lord for it.
Dr. Mulkerin prescribed a medication to help combat depression (which we’ve found out is higher in Pan Can patients) and another to help her sleep better at night.

Make no mistake; Amy understands why this is necessary. She understands that she needs to do this to give herself the absolute best chance of defeating this disease. She understands she needs to do this for our children...for her family...for me.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me - V