Amy's 'momentary trouble'

Today Amy went down to see her oncologist and to get another chemo treatment. She ended up not having her chemo treatment, in fact her doctor stopped her treatments altogether. Seeing how worn down she was, her lack of energy, her weight loss and her own attitude, he has decided it’s to the point where it’s doing her more harm than good. He went on to say that this doesn’t mean she couldn’t return to treatments, but she obviously needs a break. So, Amy will be seeing her oncologist on a weekly basis for awhile so he can keep and eye on her fluid retention and in a month they will do another CT Scan and at that point make a decision about the chemo. He said that Amy not finishing a full 6 months of chemo doesn’t mean anything, the fact that her CA19-9 is at 100, that two consecutive CT Scans show no recurrence of tumor growth and the fact that the fluid withdrawn from her stomach cavity shows a complete absence of cancer cells, are all very positive aspects.

So, the big question is, how does this make me feel? Imagine you’re an amateur boxer and through out your short career, you’ve been able to hold your own. That is until one day; totally out of the blue your manager tells you that you will be fighting the Bone Crusher…tonight! The Bone Crusher is a full head and a half taller and 75 lbs heavier than you. All of it pure muscle. Only 5 out of his last 100 opponents have made it past 5 rounds with him. You make it to the ring, adrenaline pumping & nervous as all get out and before you know it, it’s round one. You dodge and weave and block some major punches while you dance around the ring. He connects with a might punch to your right arm and you feel all strength leave it and it’s all you can do to protect your arm and your face at the same time. If it weren’t for the round ending bell, the first round might have been the last. Breathing hard and with wobbly knees, you make it back to your corner. Some smelling salts, a splash of water and a quick rub down and you’re being pushed up for round two. This punishment continues round after round and where you’ve scored some blows, his shear strength and size continually pounds you down…wears you out…you’re hurt and you can barely stand…sound is rushing in your ears and everything is like slow motion and the referee separates the two of you and with his hands on your shoulders, looks you square in the eyes and then it’s over…just that quick, he calls the fight over. Part of you is relieved…it’s over, the referee might have saved your life by stopping the fight when he did, but on the other hand, you’ll never know what might have happened…what the impact could have been if it wasn’t stopped.

Relief…fear…intertwined, that’s what I felt.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V