Amy's 'momentary trouble'

God is a specialist when the anguish is deep. His ability to heal the soul is profound! But, only those who rely on His wounded Son will experience relief…

This morning Amy had an appointment to get more fluid withdrawn and got up to get ready before I would have to leave for work. I helped her into the bathroom and into the shower and waited patiently while she cleansed herself. As she shut off the water, I went to grab a towel for her when she said something about her legs and just that quick…she collapsed in a heap in the tub. She was less than 2 feet in front of me and I couldn’t even help her and if it weren’t for her falling straight down (and God’s protection), she could very well have careened off the wall of the shower and crashed onto the lip of the tub…that would have been VERY bad. Amy was in the tub on her knees and barely had the strength to keep her body from falling backward. I climbed in behind her and tried simply muscling her back into a standing position…this failed miserably as her legs had absolutely no strength and she was just dead weight. By this time, her mother had come in and the two of us still could not get her back onto her feet. Finally, with Brittany’s help, we got Amy up onto the edge of the tub, swung her legs over the lip and lifted her into the wheelchair. Amy’s fortunate that she wasn’t more seriously hurt, but I’m certain she’ll be quite stiff and bruised.
On the way to Madison, we called ahead and asked if Dr. Mulkerin could see Amy today as we wanted him to be aware of her fall, the nurse said that she would check and get back to us. It wasn’t until Amy was just starting the pre-Paracentesis process that they called and said that Dr. Mulkerin could see Amy in about 30 minutes, if she could make it then. So, we got Amy back up and into the wheelchair and took her to see Dr. M…When he came into the room, he asked a battery of questions like, ‘how well have you been eating’, ‘any vomiting’, ‘how are your energy levels’, etc. He then went on to say that despite last weeks reports that she was eating well, it’s obvious by looking at her that she’s malnourished and that she’s been on the blood thinners long enough now that we should have seen results of her improving…but we haven’t. Instead, we have seen evidence of the opposite; weak, malnourished, can’t stand on her own, dehydration, etc. These are all signs that the cancer is back and that with the weakened state that she’s in if she were to have a medical incident, it would be life threatening. I asked him to define this and he said that it could be as simple as a cold or another fall to a virus or infection. Amy’s mom asked what about putting her back on chemo and he said doing that would kill her. I then asked him for his honest, trained assessment of the time he thought she had left. He thought long about that and said that looking at her rapid decline and the fact that she hasn’t gotten any better, he thought a major medical event could happen in two weeks. I then asked him what if she didn’t have a major medical event, how long? He thought about that again and said that she could see Thanksgiving, but more than likely, not Christmas.

I’m not done
Not done running my fingers through her hair
Not done smelling the sweetness of her skin
Not done touching her smooth, soft cheek
Not done snuggling in and holding her close
Not done laughing and playing silly games
Not done walking the dog together late at night
Not done sitting and just chatting
Not done having our quite time together
Not done kissing the nape of your neck
Not done feeling your cold feet on mine
Not done growing old with you
I’m not done loving you

After we got home, we gathered the kids into our bedroom and told them the news. This was the single most difficult thing I’ve ever done. How do you tell your kids that their mother won’t see them graduate or go off on their own? How do you tell your kids that their mother won’t see them married or see her first grandchild? There were many tears…it’s just SO difficult.

This is Amy's story as seen and told by me – V