Amy's 'momentary trouble'

Today was the first time I’ve really been out. I’ve been on short errands, but tonight I went to Wal-Mart and spent about an hour to an hour and a half shopping for necessities and things for Thanksgiving Day. It was hard…I would spot someone I or Amy knew and when our eyes met I could see the deep sadness there. This afternoon I had to pick up a roll of stamps and the gentleman (whom I didn’t recognize) behind the counter at the post office asked me how my wife was…I paused just a second, not quite sure how to answer, I finally said ‘She passed away…last week.’ An awkward moment, but he expressed his condolences.

I’ve noticed that I’ll be fine for awhile, even most of a day, but something will trigger a memory (a place, a sound…even a smell) and my sorrow returns. Sometimes the sorrow is heavy and weights me down and at other times it’s almost bearable. On one hand I want to be done with the sorrow, move on, be OK and on the other, I want to I want…need to be strong for the kids, especially the younger two, they look at me to see my reaction to things, but oh how I miss her.

Psalm 6:2-10 Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. No one remembers you when he is dead. Who praises you from the grave? I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes. Away from me, all you who do evil, for the LORD has heard my weeping. The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer. All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed; they will turn back in sudden disgrace.

Psalm 16:5-11 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

For the love of Amy - V